Transitioning :(

[Sandbox Sally]

"in response to preparing hot lunches 90% of the time... i do this as well but what helps is having much of it precut/prepared in advance"

It is difficult to precut and prepare when you have your own family who need you in the evenings. Many of us work until 5:30 or later, then we clean up, then we make dinner, do homework, get kids ready for bath and bed. When do you suggest we find time to do this precutting/preparing?

"you need as a caregiver to understand children better, be better educated."

Um...are you and Skysue personal friends? How do you know how much education she has, or how well she understand children. I think this is a bold and insensitive statement.

"way too many times, home programs follow regime that is so structured that an adult wouldn't be able to follow or keep up with expectations and people ask that of an infant etc"

Again, are you well acquainted with the original poster? What do you know about her expectations? Some serious insinuations are present here. As a home care provider, I am CERTAIN that my structure is a lot looser than any daycare centre in this large city!

"i am not trying to be offensive"

You may not have been trying, but you certainly ARE. Thanks for your two cents.

[Sandbox Sally]

If she is good at circletime you could also go under the assumption that she has been held, read to , sang to etc and what she is totally lacking is play skills. She may be totally overwhelmed by toys and not know what to do with them. Have had this many times from kids who were with grandparents till they turned 18m-24m and then parents wanted them with other kids but the kids had no idea what to do with other kids. We had to start at step one and actually demonstrate how to use the toy of the day.

Thanks, playfelt! I have a similar situation as described, and that makes perfect sense now. I will spend more time on the floor with my LO and see if that makes a difference.

[Skysue]

in response to preparing hot lunches 90% of the time... i do this as well but what helps is having much of it precut/prepared in advance... and i understand the need to have children follow your program but this is where i always have a hard time... and i am not a parent so no bias for parenting interests... you are taking a real child/infant from their mother/father/home, no real transition, no opportunity to get use to new environenment, new people comfortably, you are asking a one year old to get with the program. do you get what you are asking??? there is a way to get them there without expecting them to just follow suit. this is the most important time for children as it will affect them later in life. you need as a caregiver to understand children better, be better educated. they require nurturing, understanding, patience. this does not mean catering to them either. there is a balance that can take place but you have to be open to it. i work closely with the parents to understand their lives thus far, ie, the people around them, sleeping, eating patterns. then i work with gentle transition as this leaves way less stress on the children, then on me. within days, the children start to become accustomed to what i do otherwise in the program. the important part in the beginning is making a smooth transition, then adjusting them to your program to suit your schedule which should be realistic as well. it works and unless you try this, you cant really knock it. i have transitioned the most complicated situations, with patience, without issue following this. and to me, it makes sense. know your child before you decide what you are doing for them. way too many times, home programs follow regime that is so structured that an adult wouldn't be able to follow or keep up with expectations and people ask that of an infant etc. i would be unsettled if when starting my exploration in learning and growing and developing, you plopped me in a highchair for half hour to an hour with a basket of toys too. do you have somewhere else for her to sit? be? where are the other children at this time? do you have options for other activities? i do art, books, games, songs... it all depends on your set up. then again, i am use to running programs with 60 children and ten staff, so transitioning to 5 children at home is a heck of a lot simpler... i am not trying to be offensive, i just know that what i do works. i do as much as possible to prepare them for real life. not just my own schedule and needs.

I actually found you to be extremely offensive. I had her sit in high chair due to the fact that she was playing with the stove, so in my opinion her safety comes first. So what music, & art program do you run while you are preparing lunch. Please enlighten me. You keep mentioning program actually 5 times in your post but I have yet to hear how that runs.

I also mentioned in this post that I tried to not use the high chair the next day and it was a bit better for her. This child won’t interact with the other kids she gets upset if they touch her. During meal prep time I usually play a Raffi video, the little ones love it and sit and sing or ignore the video and go to the playroom and have free play. I have sight lines to all the kids at all times.

I don't have a structured program; I go with the flow of the kids, as do parents in the real world. I fully understand this child’s needs and I do also understand why she is so stressed. It is also very stressful on all when someone is constantly crying. I do my best to be close to her and at those moments its good but if I get up for 1 second she cries.

Parents these days engage their child’s activity 100% of the time. It is so sad to me when a 12-18 month old can’t engage in imaginative play on there own.

So yes this transition is extremely important for this little one and she is in a loving, caring, safe environment.

You make it sound like you never have these challenges as your some kind of a perfect provider? I’m sorry but I joined this site to discuss the real world with people going through the same motions.

I find that quite a few people on this site that have degrees in ECE tend to have a lack of respect for us that don’t. I have educated myself and I do take my profession very seriously. Like I said in previous posts I don’t care the amount of education you have, watching children in a successful manor is a gift and not all have it.

[Skysue]

You have to learn to tune out the crying. I had a nine month old like this. Serious separation anxiety with me. I couldn't even go pee.
It took months for him to get comfortable. but he is now the happiest child in my daycare, is my own kids best friend/boyfriend.
I had to train him slowly. First he was allowed to follow me everywhere I went ( would even call him to come with me) but he was on the ground, then when he was comfortable i would leave the room for a couple minutes and call to him if he was crying and let him come find me but I wouldn't pick him up I would talk until he stopped, the periods then got longer and longer until he was comfortable and had made some friends.

You have to like the kid though. Lets be honest, we dont have the patience or understanding we need if we just aren't loving this kid. There was something about this boy I loved even though his screams were PIERCING. I was close to letting him go.

I also had the parents do the same thing at home that I was doing here. continuity is KEY!

But if you just cant stand her, she's better off somewhere else anyways

She's so freaking cute and sweet! i can take it! LOL

[Momof4]

Skysue, I'm transitioning a baby girl who is so cute too but the crying is still making us crazy. She gets a little better every day though thank goodness.

Suemaria: paragraphs please!

[mom-in-alberta]

Suemaria: you are relatively new to this forum, I believe? I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, but please re-read your post. It came off incredibly abrasive and high handed. Not very helpful, which is what we providers are supposed to be for each other.

Skysue: no new advice, but what Flex suggested seems like a great idea! (Gradual, coached independence)
Best of luck with this!!

[Skysue]

Suemaria: you are relatively new to this forum, I believe? I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, but please re-read your post. It came off incredibly abrasive and high handed. Not very helpful, which is what we providers are supposed to be for each other.

Skysue: no new advice, but what Flex suggested seems like a great idea! (Gradual, coached independence)
Best of luck with this!!

The Gradual, coached method is going amazing! Cheers!

[DisneyPrincess]

I have that crying all the time problem with a future full time darling, shes only 10 months so its hard for her of course, good thing that she started the transition now 2 days a week before mom goes back to work. We started out 2 hours a day, now its half a day, next week we'll try full day. Now Im off on vacation for 2 weeks in march and Im afraid when I come back and she starts full time, all this transition will have been for nothing and have to start over after my vacation... :\ At first she didnt want me near her, talk to her or even look at her... she would scream and cry hahaha... at least now she wants to be in my arms, but I am slowly trying to let her down so she can unvelcro herself to me and start playing with the friends or on her own :O Poor doll is exhausted from crying, my (for now) two other kids are so sweet with her and dont seemed bothered by her crying. Hope it will only get better as I have more kids starting also after my vacation