Behaviour Management for 1 year old

[playfelt]

Use of the playpen, playyard or exersaucer for a one year old is the same as redirection for an older child but for a child that does not comprehend what redirection means. Back in the day a small tap on the offending hand taught no after about 3 touches and problem solved but now we have to remove the child from the area to a different place. If you feel better giving a couple times of moving them to a different area of the playroom then do it. But they soon learn that if they don't listen when you say no they get moved where they don't want to be.

If they scream they go in the playpen around the corner as in out of my sight - translation no audience is listening. Screaming serves no purpose and they stay there till they stop. Their choice how long they carry on.

[lunademiel]

Ok, thanks so much everyone. I had the evening and some hot yoga to get it all out! Tomorrow WILL be better!

I think my first step is definitely getting better at redirecting calmly and casually. I think she IS looking for a reaction from me, same with my son!

I think the idea of the playpen is showing her consequence for her actions. You touch this, you go in the playpen. I just know she will scream her little head off, if I pick her up, then I don't feel I'm teaching her much, other then the more she screams she'll eventually get her way.

I feel so bad for my little man, first his little sister came into the world 2 months early which meant all of a sudden mommy wasn't home (at the hospital with baby for 24 days). Now that he's finally gotten used to her another little girl is in his life DAILY! I think he just doesn't know that he is still my baby and I need to show him my love more, some extra snuggles will go a long way. Really he is just trying to get a reaction out of me.

I think I just need to figure out a way to balance each one of them with some one on one time.

Seriously thank you all so much! This forum has been a lifesaver!

I CAN make it through the rest of the week!

[mom-in-alberta]

Agree to disagree on the purpose of a time out, I think...
The purpose of a time out, to me, is to send a quick and clear message that a specific behaviour will not be tolerated. For a one year old, I would only use it in circumstances of aggression or if they are CONSISTENTLY doing something dangerous/not allowed.
So I agree with playfelt. And it definitely sounds totally normal (albeit incredibly frustrating) behaviour from your own kiddos. It's hard to share mommy with a new sister, let alone total strangers. Make some special time for him, but don't let guilt allow you to let him get away with anything that he wouldn't normally. In the long run, your choice to run a dayhome is for his benefit, not detriment.
GOOD LUCK!! And yes; you CAN make it!!

[Momof4]

Olivetree, I feel your pain! I just spent months with a little 1 year old boy to get him to stop crying and to listen to me and I have a 1 year old girl who is still crying daily and making me a little nuts but at least she's well behaved, just very unhappy unless I hold her nonstop. That is not an option.

I find that if we go outside for most of the morning she's happier. I have started reading and doing a sort of circle time as the children eat their lunch and afternoon snack. That way my three children who are under 2 are tied down in their boosters. I can't do that in the toyroom.

I think if you are consistent with your rules and tell her over and over for what will seem like weeks on end you will see progress. It's so frustrating for us but it pays off, especially with an extra stubborn child. By the way I always use the words 'don't touch' instead of a big old NO so they don't start saying that word to me!

[Inspired by Reggio]

I agree that consistency in expectations with children is key - sometimes some children can master the rules with one or two reminders and other children take longer to 'grasp' the expectations and natural consequences for behaviours.

With children of all ages - in addition to making expectations for behaviour clear - making sure that their learning the natural consequences of misbehavior is key ... so in this case I would tell the child 'Uhhh uhhh - hands off not for touching' and redirect them away from the safety corner with a reminder 'if you want to pick you can pick at this' and provide them with something that can be 'picked at and taken apart' like a puzzle or something ... the message being sent that they are there for a purpose to keep the children safe, a part of the environment and must be respected - if you need to 'pick' here is something you CAN pick ... IMO this teaches the child that we respect their 'needs' by recognize they were just curious about this picking/pulling sensation but want to keep them safe!

Now if the child were to keep returning to pick at them than I too would put them in what i call a TIME IN in a play yard, highchair or some other confined area with the message 'Danger - hands off. You touch that again you have to play HERE cause I need to keep your safe'. I call this a time in because it is not 'punishment' to be placed here - it is still another form of redirection but with a 'condition' that must be met to come out of the activity ... there is something to 'do' in the playpen and so forth but the choices are limited and the message is if you want to be free and have more choices you PLAY SAFE FOLLOW THE RULES!

IMO a TIME OUT by traditional definition is a child misbehaves and than the child is sent somewhere alone with nothing to do but to 'think about what they did' and they stay their for the length of time of the adult feels was warranted for the 'crime' so to speak ... however IME having seen these used in centre care for years they rarely teach the children how to 'problem solve and make better choices' because the child sits there either being angry or confused and 'guesses' at what they want to adult to hear - usually the 'sorryeeeeee' phrase without knowing truly WHY they are sorry ... IMO they are definitely NOT effective with young children who cannot connect the behaviour of 5 minutes ago to why they are sitting on a chair or step or corner now let alone what the adult truly wants them to 'say' to get off the step or chair.

That said I response to the 'what do you do if they scream their head off' at being removed from a situation .... while I do not do 'time outs' in that traditional sense - I do not tolerate 'tantrums' in my program either - screaming and thrashing in anger at not getting your own way regardless of your age is not a suitable form of communication - when a child attempts to do this they are given to the count of 5 to take deep breaths and calm back down so we can TALK this out and if they cannot or will not than they are offered the option to go lay down on their bed/cot until such a time they are prepared to talk ... again to me this is another variation of the TIME IN because the child is in control of how long they are there with the expectation of what needs to occur for them to return to the group being clear ... calm yourself down and be safe ... it is also a natural consequence to their behaviour because screaming/thrashing is too loud on the ears of others and puts others at risk of being hit/kicked and well my job is to keep everyone safe - including them so I am providing them a safe place to meet their emotional needs to 'be angry' while keeping others safe too Eventually they learn to 'discuss' their angry feelings before getting to the point of having lost control and to problem solve conflict or miscommunication with others.

[lunademiel]

Thank you all for your great advice.

I'm lucky that for this little girl's 1st week she actually didn't cry. She can play independently and with others but she does hit, throw toys, and play with the things she knows I ask her not to (for my reaction). After so many wonderful suggestions I stopped saying "no" and just redirected over and over and over again. If she pulled off the corner cover then I put her in the playroom with the gate closed. My main floor is an open concept living room/dining room/kitchen with a half wall dividing the kitchen and living room. So the gate is between the living room and the kitchen. I normally let them wander from living room to kitchen so they may explore and have more room to play. So I think she is starting to learn that if she does this then I return her to the playroom and her freedom is limited.

As for my son, he really isn't getting any better. The tantrums are unbelievable my husband wishes he was going back to work tomorrow just to get away. Time outs don't work, like previous poster, I really don't think he IS thinking about why he's there, just that he doesn't want to be. I have tried to spend extra one on one time with him in the evenings, took him out for special treats but he is just nuts! I really think that it's harder to discipline once they are a little older as they are set in their ways/used to getting what they want. The things you learn in hindsight

The end of the week definitely got better and made me happy that I choose to do this. We will all eventually learn how to do this and enjoy it! My son was asking today when the daycare kids were going to come over!

[Momof4]

I do have a timeout system but I sit beside children and tell them they have done something wrong and talk to them about the problem. I really believe toddlers have the attention span of fruit flies so deal with problems quickly and get everything dealt with quickly. I hold their hands and look them in the eye and talk to them.

I want the children to know that I don't miss a thing, that if they make a mistake they can learn from it, correct it, and apologize and hug and make it better and get over it quickly.

[Mamma_Mia]

Use of the playpen, playyard or exersaucer for a one year old is the same as redirection for an older child but for a child that does not comprehend what redirection means. Back in the day a small tap on the offending hand taught no after about 3 touches and problem solved but now we have to remove the child from the area to a different place. If you feel better giving a couple times of moving them to a different area of the playroom then do it. But they soon learn that if they don't listen when you say no they get moved where they don't want to be.

If they scream they go in the playpen around the corner as in out of my sight - translation no audience is listening. Screaming serves no purpose and they stay there till they stop. Their choice how long they carry on.

I followed the same method with my own daughter since she was about 9mos old. She knew she was doing something wrong because I'd get the girn or laugh if she was caught! She had no toys in there and at 12mos after maybe the 7th time in one day she got the hint that you don't pull the foam corners off the coffee table!

I didn't sapnk her or yell at her I just removed her.

A friend of mine wanted to use a simular method but found it hard since her boy used the playpen for naps and at grandmas house so he was getting confused..."is this a punishment?" I was lucky my daugter had crib at home & my moms to sleep in so she wasn't confused. Maybe picking something that's dedicated as a "naughty" area....something you don't mix fun with to send a clear message!

Good luck.

[lunademiel]

Thank you!
That's exactly what I was thinking, about the clear message. She naps in a playpen, plus I don't want one in my living area, only in the bedroom would be best. I don't want her to think playpen is punishment.

Today she was standing on the little chair and table. But I really have no where to put her. So redirection it has been, over and over and over again. She really does smile when she knows she's doing something she shouldn't be doing. She's a super smart little one! I need to find something dedicated to this but it needs to be something to keep her in for a minute or two. I tried placing her on the couch, away from toys but then she stands on the couch lol! I am thinking of trying the high chair but am worried about the message that might send.

Thanks for the advice!

[playfelt]

It is always best if you can devote a corner to a play yard. Some do not take up that much room - thinking of the coloured one that is 6 sections. I use that in the basement since the room is set up for the bigger kids and the babies are rarely down there since we play there while they nap in the am. When they are making the transition to the basement they play in the yard with infant toys when I am busy or have to run upstairs or whatever and then out when I can supervise. I gradually give them more freedom down there but it is earned. Otherwise it is back to the play yard.