HELP! Mom has unrealistic expectations?

[mom-in-alberta]

I think the girls are right by suggesting that you have an open dialogue about how she is feeling. Just approach it as "Hey, now that you are back to work full time for a little while now, I was wondering how everything is going? How have you all settled in?" That gives her an opportunity to voice any concerns that she may have. You already have an idea of what it is that she doesn't like/feel comfortable with, so hopefully nothing catches you off guard. Either way, keep your cool and let her know that for the relationship to work, she needs to trust that you are taking the very best care of her little man.
If she asks how he is settling in; tell her honestly that he is still having some challenges, but that you feel that it may have something to do with her feeling uncomfortable.
Good luck, and let us know what happens.

[GardenGal]

Thanks so much ladies. It's so nice to know that there are others who can offer perspective with this! It's odd to me that I can tell every other parent all of this stuff without the slightest apprehension that they will be upset, but I know that this is constantly an issue for this one mom. On leaving today she asked me to set up a meeting with her via email so that we could discuss this, then hubby called saying he'd spoken to his wife and now was asking me to explain my side of our discussion today. (???) Explained the same thing to him as politely as possible and told him how this made me feel (he;s the drop-off person and is not very "in the know" about dcb, generally). His reply was something to the effect that since they were quite technically my "employers" that I should want them to be happy with my services. Insert jaw-drop here.

Notice in writing will be ready to go tomorrow morning.... That's about where I draw the line. I will wish them the best of luck while my heart breaks to think of how hard it's going to be for the little guy to adjust again. Sometimes it works out, sometimes not so much.

I'm now seeing signs from over the last several months that should have told me something was off... General disrespect for my home, counting kids in care when we've never exceeded, instructions on how to diaper him (that one was a shocker). Gotta work on listening to that gut! Thanks again ladies. Really appreciate the feedback.

[Judy Trickett]

How about this.......if her main concern is lunch then make up a monthly calendar, email it to her and stick to what is written on it. Then see if her questions cease. If she just moves on to start grilling you on a different round of questions daily about a new issue THEN you will know if it's trust or she was just curious about his day.

Personally, I worry MORE about parents who NEVER ask anything. I don't get a lot of mundane questioning because most of my daycare is transparent in that I post a monthly calendar so they already know the answer to things like food and special days etc. Most providers have calendars like this.

[Littledragon]

I know exactly what you're talking about. I've been a nanny in the past, and have dealt with two ultra pass-aggressive mothers. Their concerns are legitimate but it's the way they present themselves, I get it. I think that yes, it is difficult for her to let go of her son and her control. She's expecting you to be HER. I think that asking about his bowel movements is a little much (unless he has a history of having problems) and although she doesn't ask because she doesn't have to - you know she would. If I had a mother like this, I would sit her down and explain to her that you understand her concern but she needs to decide whether or not she trusts you. That her attitude makes you second guess everything you're doing with the children and that's not fair for you, or them. And if she is so dissatisfied with your care, she can go elsewhere. Yes, it may be detrimental for the child to have to move daycare, but they clearly are damaging him anyways by the way theu are smothering him. I had a mother like that, smothered her children beyond measure and I had to tell her straight up that her smothering would actually create more problems for them in the future.
The bottom line is ultimately your sanity. You don't need someone questioning your every move. You're a professional and she needs to trust that or she can go elsewhere.

[sunnydays]

As others have said, I would definitely make up a weekly or monthly menu so that she knows what her child is eating. This was a concern of mine when my child attended daycare and I hated having to ask every day, but I really felt I needed to know what he was eating as good nutrition is important to me. I see that you are already moving to terminate, but perhaps for the future this could at least avoid one issue. However, if they are treating you poorly, then terminating is the right thing...only you know.

[Inspired by Reggio]

I am one of those people who thinks that on the grand scheme of the 'early years' and all the AMAZING things that occur during this time why are we so focused on eating/sleeping/pooping? While I understand as caregivers we need to pay ATTENTION to these things to track healthy eating, sleeping and pooping habits unless there is an ISSUE why is this the focus of our conversation with parents?

Personally I am with Judy ... I post my menu for their reflection - it is a menu I create on Friday for the next week WITH the children - each child old enough to be verbal or follow direction and point aids in planning the menu through pictures and planning a balanced 'plate' with fruits/veggies/meat/grains .... so my menu is 'catered' to the tastes and likes of each child so in this families case at least ONE morning snack, lunch and afternoon snack a week would be chosen by the child with support from me and the others reflective of the other families. However unless I have a concern to share with clients I expect them to trust that their child tried meals and ate enough to be 'full' for their needs.

Same with nap time - it is posted when naps are avialable and unless there is an issue it is assumed that they 'rested according to their needs'.

It is assumed that children who are eating and sleeping to their 'needs' therefore are peeing and pooping to their needs ... I only discuss this with clients if they are 'toilet training' or have not gone here - if they HAVE gone I do not bring it up so parents can assume that 'no news is good news'...if the kid does not go at home than they will 'double check' just in case.

My conversations and documentation about the children to parents focus on the fun we had in care, what we mastered new in way of development and any areas we are struggling with in regards to skill development ... I use photos to create living documentation about their 'health and well being' to share and build trust with clients cause a photo is worth a 1000 words ... and five years from now IMO THAT is going to have way more meaning to that family that a 'what I ate, slept and pooped' journal ... and well I have way more fun creating their 'portfolio' than any 'what I ate slept and pooped' journal I had to keep in centre care

I agree that this sounds like a 'trust' issue and nothing to do with concern over food ... address the reason why she is feeling this way and you will have smooth sailing and likely a much more positive experience ... share with her that if her CHILD is sensing she is uncomfortable than he will emulate that mistrust as well ... we all want what is best for the child ... happy provider and happy mama = happy child

[mom-in-alberta]

Glad they are gone... you are not their "employee"!!
Good luck finding a lovely family to fill that spot.