Lord give me the strength to terminate

[gcj]

I mean feel bad for the other kids, btw.

[gcj]

You're choosing to be stuck and not doing anyone any favours. Honestly...it's Friday...do it! I'd be more concerned about what the parents would think of you continuing when this is how you feel. Don't think about it anymore, just do it instead. Then have a nice glass of wine and think of what it's going to be like when he's gone. you're punishing yourself and all the others.
As nice as the parents are, they would not go out of their way to do anything for you. you have to look out for you and the other kids who are being exposed to this. Feel bad for them, instead!

[Crayola kiddies]

Yes gcj .... That is exactly what I said .... Just do it .... Have your letter ready and just tell the parents that you have tried to make it work but it's not and they need to find new care.... Like a band aid .... Do it fast and it's over ..... Give them what ever notice is in your contract and call it a day.
As for the other parents don't even say anything. If someone asks just say they are no longer with us. It's really no body's business.
Spixie you have already made up your mind so now you just have to act on it .... No one likes to term but for the sake of everyone especially you do it now.... today ...or the next day you have this child ..... You have to get back to enjoying what you do.

[Sandbox Sally]

Oh Spixie, I feel your pain...I had a child that was terrible too, in a different way. I was sooooo nervous to tell her awesome parents that I couldn't take it any more. I have no problem confronting parents who mistreat me, but these parents are so kind and go out of their way to let me know how appreciated I am.

I was so passive agressive about it, I ended up telling them every day in the nicest way I could that it wasn't working out for HER - how frustrated SHE got, how upset SHE was when X happened. After a few weeks of this, they told me that they were withdrawing her. They are going to try a preschool next. If you just can't bear the idea of confronting the parents, this is my suggestion. Totally the chicken's way out, but it worked for me.

[KingstonMom]

Oh Spixie, I feel your pain...I had a child that was terrible too, in a different way. I was sooooo nervous to tell her awesome parents that I couldn't take it any more. I have no problem confronting parents who mistreat me, but these parents are so kind and go out of their way to let me know how appreciated I am.

I was so passive agressive about it, I ended up telling them every day in the nicest way I could that it wasn't working out for HER - how frustrated SHE got, how upset SHE was when X happened. After a few weeks of this, they told me that they were withdrawing her. They are going to try a preschool next. If you just can't bear the idea of confronting the parents, this is my suggestion. Totally the chicken's way out, but it worked for me.

I agree with this. Sometimes a preschool can be a much better way for energetic kids to expell their energy, or maybe the boy just needs wayy more challanges in his day as he is bored.
You're right, the parents will not be surprised that he behaves like this at your house, and maybe that is why they are so sweet and nice to you. Because they still need you to grin and bear it with their kid.
1. How about you start off a conversation at drop off today with parents about how the day went and Bobby was a handful as usually. (Maybe rough up the hair a bit and put on some raggier clothes to make you look super worn out! lol). Ask them if they have ever considered a different daycare atmosphere for Bobby. Say that he probably needs alot more challanging activities and is probably smart as a whip but is just bored and that why he feels the need to act up. (Parents will LOVE you if you suggest they have a genius). See what they have to say. Let them speak. Maybe they will ask YOU if you think he should be somewhere else as far as daycare goes.
Say you love him to death but soemtimes wish you had 4 of you just to keep him safe/entertained. This is all true stuff, isnt it?
2. As for the other parents, you say they have seen how Bobby acts, so it should not be a surprise that you finally are done with the behaviour. Maybe if you lose Bobby on good terms, and the parents agree with you and want to take him to another type of Daycare, then all the kids can have a 'going away party' for Bobby.

If you just lead them into the idea of a change of scenery for Bobby, maybe they will discuss it iver the weekend and decide that it is, in fact, best for this little boy.

Good luck to you and keep us updated please!

also, suggest that you may be willing to give them up to 3 weeks notice if they cannot find a place for him asap. This woudl be nice of you and I hope they can see that you are trying your best, and its not easy for you regardless.

[Spixie33]

Oh

I was so passive agressive about it, I ended up telling them every day in the nicest way I could that it wasn't working out for HER - how frustrated SHE got, how upset SHE was when X happened. After a few weeks of this, they told me that they were withdrawing her. They are going to try a preschool next. If you just can't bear the idea of confronting the parents, this is my suggestion. Totally the chicken's way out, but it worked for me.

Yes this is what I am hoping for. That is why when I keep telling the parents the issues and how t he boy is struggling I am hoping that they would say "Maybe we should try somewhere else". I would much rather that they do it.
Sometimes he has trouble when he arrives (like described he clings to the parents) and they will ask me "why do you think he is doing that?" I am so tempted to just say "Maybe he isn't happy here anymore. I wouldn't be at all offended if you want to look at other places or homes for him" lol

[Sandbox Sally]

I am so tempted to just say "Maybe he isn't happy here anymore. I wouldn't be at all offended if you want to look at other places or homes for him" lol

Do it. Or something like, "Maybe he isn't happy here any more. I'm really not sure I can offer him the stimulation he needs. I know this great preschool..."

[playfelt]

That would be a good time to put in the plug for the daycare centre. If the parents say why does he act like this it would be the time to say It could be because he doesn't like having to follow my rules. This is a home, not a big spacious daycare centre. In a home I can not have him running around, throwing things, not listening.......list whatever infractions you want to here.... because I must maintain a safe environment for everyone in care.

Then add something like maybe it will soon be time for "bobby" to move to a group of same age peers - and that is what could be the problem. He is just not willing to tolerate the little ones and what goes with that. In effect he has outgrown a home environment - or more likely never grew into one because he was not taught to respect a home compared to someone else's daycare centre.

[Inspired by Reggio]

I did not intend to criticize your communication - sorry if it came off that way ... however in my many years in centre are I often witnessed that providers THOUGHT they are clearly communicating with clients about behaviour but in reality they are not sending the message that they are frustrated enough with the behaviour to terminate care over it - so the parents were just dismissing it as 'communication about his day' not as the CRY FOR HELP it truly was and so when the 'termination' came they would be shocked that it was that 'big a deal' and the providers would be frustrated that 'what the hell I have been telling you for months that Bobby is full of energy and jumping on the couch how can you be shocked it has come to this' ... cause what the provider SAID and the client HEARD were two very different things!

In my program there are behaviours I consider 'normal' part of this business that are a stage of development and I do not often bug parents everyday with those minor things than there are others that while maybe 'normal part of development' are not socially acceptable will be a DEAL BREAKER if they are not addressed and rectified quickly those I will verbally share with parents at pick up ' Bobby was having a hard time remembering to use his words today and hit three of his friends out of frustration. As a consequence to help him learn he has to be gentle and friendly he spent a fair bit of time by himself until he can show me he can be trusted with the group - I cannot allow the other children to be harmed in my care. I am guessing that in the heat of the moment Bobby is lacking impulse control and anger management to make the 'better' choice. At home I need you to work on using his words to solve problems rather than his hands - puppet play is a great way to build these sort of skills by having the puppet mishave with Bobby to make him frustrated and Bobby trying 'better 'solutions to solve his problem that hitting them' the more he can practice the more naturally the better choices will come to him" ... this is the stage one of the 'verbal reminder and couching for better choices both in program and at home'. If Bobby did not improve this behaviour and it was something I was going to be willing to terminate over the next STAGE of the resolution would be to give the parents a 'written documentation' of Bobby's challenges in the program, my expectations, GOALS to work on at home and in program to master this expectation and a DEADLINE for this to occur or we would have to rethink his placement in the program. If at the end of the deadline the goals were not met there would be no SHOCK for the parents that the issue was 'that big' cause it was there in writing. And if the parents did not feel my expectation for Bobby was realistic than THEY would terminate at the onslaught of the 'written behavior management contract' and save me the trouble

This is what I meant about making sure that communication and the seriousness of how we are feeling is CLEAR ... just like in employment if something was so wrong with our performance we were in risk of being 'fired' we would expect a 'verbal warning with some coaching on how to improve' but if it was still not up to par we would get a 'written warning' to let us know it was indeed 'serious enough' verses just a communication akin to training thing of 'hey just a reminder you need to wear a hair net back there' as well as there would be a list of 'behaviours' in the employee handbook that clearly indicate 'do this and you are at risk of immediate termination of employment'.

In a field where there are so many 'approaches' to child rearing and so many varied 'expectations' for behaviour in children I just feel that communication needs to be EXTRA CLEAR with clients about what we expect and what CAN happen if we want to avoid conflict.

Termination sucks for everyone involved - I do not think anyone goes into this thinking it 'could' happen but it definitely helps to have a clear understanding of how to prevent it by clear written expectations of behaviour and the 'policy' around termination and what are grounds for it in our contracts.

[gcj]

Waiting to hear it's done...I'd like to have a glass of celebratory wine on your behalf....