Lord give me the strength to terminate

[Spixie33]

Thanks Playfelt. I have a son too and my son was not perfect and was very high energy and had to be let loose outside every day in order for me to maintain the house and my sanity but this child is over the top. I thought my son had prepared me for the energy of boys but my son looks like a cake walk now. lol

At this age and after so long he still cannot dress himself to go outside or manage to take his shoes off after we come inside, he is so disruptive that the other toddlers and up now say that "Bobby is being bad" and the other kids even enforce the rules and remind him that we can't do whatever he is doing wrong.

I have tried time outs - it leads to that inconsolable crying where he cries as if the world is ending and he can't breathe from the heartache of it all even though my time outs are only based on minutes of their age.
I will say to him "Can you please not touch the stereo?" sure enough I hear him touch the stereo 30 seconds after. I say "We can only turn on the water and wash our hands when Spixie33 is here with you. Please wait and I will come and help you." Then I hear him turning on the water FULL blast attempting to wash his own hands and splashing water all over the bathroom.
Ahhhh

It is like whatever i say he does 20 seconds later and if I ask him and bend down to eye level and say "what did I ask you about the water?" I get blank stares back.
I have two other kids his age and they are so different and able to follow instructions and be silly but also mindful of the behaviour.
I have tried telling him what I don't want him to do or do want him to do....asking him....getting him to repeat it to me....and nada.

In the last couple of months he has destroyed 2 toys and 1 decoration in the house.

But then there are moments like now...where he is sleeping and quiet and I second guess myself and think how I could let him go. lol I just wonder if he needs someone more 1 on 1 or else in a larger group but I can;t watch a 3 year old every single second of the day when there are also other kids and younger kids to watch . I can't take one child to the potty without having to wonder what he is doing while my eyes are turned.

and if I get stern with him then next morning he comes to the house crying saying he wants to go home and clinging to his parent for dear life. BUt I can't realistically be sweet as sugar and tell him how great he is all day if he misbehaves. I have to correct the behaviour and tell him it is not allowed but then he takes it to heart.