Sigh. I have a 2 year old and 6 year old very busy boys who, until last June were in a Home Daycare. So, I know what it's like to have mommy guilt and you've missed them all day, the last thing you feel like being is 'the hammer' once you do see them. But never once were my children allowed to run around the provider's house like a lunatic upon exit, nor were they bribed or allowed to scream and hit like I see in 2 of my DCKs. I would have never even thought of leaving it up to my provider to be the stern one; to solve the issues. The best thing you can do for your child is to have clear, consistent boundaries and rules. This is why they respect and love us. It will get them far in life! But, alas, we can't tell the parents how to parent and we just keep our mouths shut. The only tip I have that has worked for me is that once parent is there, other than a kiss and hug goodbye and a Thankyou for a specific good behaviour/result that day... I stay out of it. But perhaps in reading your posts above I need to rethink that strategy and support the parents.