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  1. #1
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    Not a "Flopper" but "Angry Spice"

    Something almost like the PP but I'm having a hard time at P.U's...

    I mean I love that the kiddies don't want to go home but as soon as I open the door and one dck sees mom or dad she starts whining, grunting, running away, climbing the couch (not allowed), refusing to put on boots etc. swatting at the parent and totally acting like a 360 from the full day with me!

    I admit although I love to play with them and I get into it and I do give cuddles but I'm firm...be it the european in me but when I say no - I speak once, so you better listen. One time she tried swatting at me and my facial expression must have scared her enough because she said sorry right away!

    Some other providers said to give them a heads up 5min proir that parent is almost here and remind them to be well behaved. Another said if it gets very bad she gets dck fully dressed and sits them on the stairs until parents arrive. They hate that...so things got better as the days got on.....I'm not sure.

    Any tips?
    Satisfaction Guaranteed or Double Your Kids Back!!

  2. #2
    Euphoric !
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    Do your parents pick up at the same time daily? Some of mine do and I have those children out in the hallway getting dressed for their parents, with boots and coats. etc.

  3. #3
    jec
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    That sounds just like the daycare girl I explained on 'the flopper' she did the same. I had her dressed and ready to go for pick up too but if Angry spice doesn't like that, you could do the tough love and speak to her parents and advise them of your idea and get they are on board. Idea ~ tell daycare girl that when Mom and Dad arrive, she needs to get her boots and jacket on. If she doesn't, you will put her boots and jacket on and it doesn't matter if Mom and Dad are there - you won't put up with that behavior. I have no problem telling a little one in my care not to do something or correct a behavior in front of the parents if they don't in my home. I too am very loving and full of cuddles but firm when it comes to bad behavior.
    She may cause a big stink but she is only trying to do it as her parents are allowing the behavior....she knows the rules of your home and what you are like.

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  5. #4
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    I was thinking the dressed before parents arrive might work....I allow for tv at the very begining and end of the day so she'd be missing out while my daughter is watching....hopefull y that will get her to change her mind.


    Is this something you ladies have to do often or did they "clue" in to stop acting that way?
    Satisfaction Guaranteed or Double Your Kids Back!!

  6. #5
    jec
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    I've only had the one give me this problem and she got into our routine within a week and even started going to the bathroom ( she was potty trained ) herself once I told her it was time to start getting ready for home.
    I think once your little one gets used to the new way of things, it won't take long for it to become routine. Good luck!!

  7. #6
    Euphoric ! Inspired by Reggio's Avatar
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    Yup - I am another one that you leave the program 'gracefully' when mom and dad arrive OR if it is too hard for your to 'leave an activity' when they arrive you will find yourself dressed and waiting for mom and dad on the front step at pick up time.

    I had a client whose child would start to throw a tantrum when she picked up - I watched for three days to see how she handled it and give her the benefit of the doubt that she could nip this in the bud - however it was NOT working because instead of sending the message that the behaviour was unacceptable she was trying to negotiate and bribe him to behave and that is NOT GONNA HAPPEN HERE! So on the fourth day I stepped in and got down to his level looked him in the eye and firmly said to the child "STOP - I know your sad to leave your friends but you do not treat your mama like this. We do not hit and slap people no matter how upset we are- use your WORDS with your mama! Now pick up time is not a choice - your job when mama arrives is to give her a big hug cause I know you missed her and than get dressed and go home - now I am going to count to three and I want to see some action here cause I know you can get dressed for your mama!" .... the kid had stopped thrashing at the 'stop' command cause he KNOWS when I say STOP to someone I mean business cause I do not use a 'negative' very often in the program and was listening to me and by the end had that 'cat caught with a mouse' expression on his face that he knew he had done 'wrong' and started sitting up to get dressed. Mom looks at me and said 'its ok for me to tell him to stop that behaviour - cause sometimes at home he gets really bad with this specially at bedtime?' Umm yes if the behavior is inappropriate you TELL THEM THAT how else are they going to learn what is expected of him and how to make better choices?

    Now when mom arrives for pick up if he 'starts' to tantrum/whine about going she will tell him 'STOP and use your words with me' and he will say 'I want to finish my X' and if she has time to wait she will let him but if not she will him 'sorry not today we are in a hurry' and he is expected to ACCEPT THAT WITH GRACE and leave ... and so he does otherwise for the next several days 'staying' to finish something up is not an option at pick up - we tidy up well before mom arrives and 'wait' for her until he is leaving with grace as expected .... natural and logical consequence to his behaviour
    Children construct their own intelligence. The adult must provide activities and context, but most of all must be able to listen. Children need proof that adults believe in them. Their three great desires are to be listened to, to understand, and to demonstrate that they are exactly what we expect."
    Loris Malaguzzi

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  9. #7
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    I've gone through the whining and such for a lot of kids when mom or dad comes to the door. It killed me that parents had to struggle to put coats and boots on to a screaming kid that wasn't happy to see their own mother. so I now start the process of leaving 10 -15 min early. We all practice putting on our coats and boots all by ourselves. We talk about our favorite part of the day, and I hype up the fact that mom or dad is coming. I ask them questions about what they'll tell mom/dad about their day, what games they'll play when they get home, maybe practice a song to sing to mom/dad in the car. By the time we are dressed and the doorbell rings the kids will now rush the door screaming mommy! daddy! big hugs and kisses ensue. Parents are happy to get such a greeting and everyone leaves happy and excited.

    It was an INSTANT change for everyone at my home. Give it a shot.

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  11. #8
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    I have one 2 1/2 dck that I have to have dressed and ready to go when mom walks in otherwise it is a nightmare and she truly just reinforces the bad behaviour.... He doesn't want to leave and so he starts playing and she just stands there for like 20-25 mins.... Then when she forces him to go he has a melt down hitting her, kicking one boot off when she is putting the next one on ect... Its so painful to watch so now he gets dressed and waits. All the others have no problem so I just wait till parents arrive.

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  13. #9
    Euphoric ! Dreamalittledream's Avatar
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    Sigh. I have a 2 year old and 6 year old very busy boys who, until last June were in a Home Daycare. So, I know what it's like to have mommy guilt and you've missed them all day, the last thing you feel like being is 'the hammer' once you do see them. But never once were my children allowed to run around the provider's house like a lunatic upon exit, nor were they bribed or allowed to scream and hit like I see in 2 of my DCKs. I would have never even thought of leaving it up to my provider to be the stern one; to solve the issues. The best thing you can do for your child is to have clear, consistent boundaries and rules. This is why they respect and love us. It will get them far in life! But, alas, we can't tell the parents how to parent and we just keep our mouths shut. The only tip I have that has worked for me is that once parent is there, other than a kiss and hug goodbye and a Thankyou for a specific good behaviour/result that day... I stay out of it. But perhaps in reading your posts above I need to rethink that strategy and support the parents.
    Children are great imitators.
    So give them something great to imitate.

    ~Anonymous~

  14. #10
    Euphoric !
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    Ugh... it's crazy when kids do this!! An angel all day (haha, maybe not ALL day) but turn into such a terror at pick up.
    My handbook states that while parents are dropping off or picking up, THEY are in charge of their children and are expected to enforce MY house rules. The basic ones are stated in my handbook as well.
    Having said that, if mom and dad aren't going to, I darn sure will! I have said in other posts; my breaking point was when a 5 1/2 year old KICKED my front door into the wall, because he didn't like what dad said they were having for supper. (He was a real treat, let me tell ya!!)
    From then on, I was ON HIM until he was out of my sight. If he was smacking mom or whining and crying, I was the one who ceased the behaviour. "We do NOT hit our mom, or anyone else, and you know that. If you continue, then tomorrow when you come, you will not be playing with (insert favourite toy/activity)." He was old enough that future consequences worked.
    The beauty of doing this is that parents who have "given up" see that it is, indeed, possible to reign in this behaviour. Sometimes, that's enough for them to change also!

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