The Flopper . . .

[Cadillac]

I have a three year old girl who, every morning, flops on the ground at the door and goes limp. She thinks this is funny(or sometimes breaks out some really good crocodile tears) and Dad struggles to get her to stand up and help get her coat and boots off.
- He'll pick her up and put her on her feet and she'll just sink back to the ground
- he bribes her with treats after day care constantly
- what usually works is when he threatens to lick her face (This is actually really funny to me)

I try to respectfully step in and say 'just leave her there and I guess she won't get her kiss goodbye ooooooooh noooooooooooo' or 'say ******** this is not funny to me or Daddy, you need to get up now or there will have to be consequences'

But she knows that Dad won't back me so on the floor she stays

This is getting a little irritating. I feel embarrassed for Dad and you'd better believe the child would never do something like that to me. In fact, after outing she takes off her own coat and boats and lines them up or hangs them up properly.

I've mentioned this to Dad who ignores me and says '******* you want ME to take off your boots? OK but you have to take them in"

I know that these parents baby their child at home and it affects me here when she is faced with real expectations. Dad is actually the disciplinarian if that gives you an idea.

I really like this family but I need to make it clear that the coddling at the door needs to stop. I can't stand there watching him at the door for ten minutes every morning.

I plan on talking to him this evening on pick up

I'd love to hear what sort of speeches you'd give so i can handle this situations gracefully, but make my point clear.


Thanks in advance everyone!

[playfelt]

You mention the length of time. Address that with the idea that while you are there the other children are waiting and that isn't fair.

Option two is similar but tell them you are unable to stand at the door so unless he makes it go quick you will just have to leave to go back with the other children and he can send her in when she is ready.

Tell him enough is enough and he is to bring her to the door and kiss her goodbye and leave. You will assist her with her coat and boots. Then once parent has left. Leave child at door to take off her own things as she does after outside time. If she protests remind her that dad had to leave because SHE makes it too hard for him to come in. Take the coat and boots if you need to and let her pout her way to the playroom but make it all quick, matter of fact and do not engage in any conversation with her which will be her stalling tactic.

[gcj]

I would talk to dad when the child is not there and say that at 3 she is perfectly capable of undressing herself. If she won't allow him to help her appropriately , she will lose that privillege and he must drop her off, say goodbye and LEAVE. It's interfering with your daycare and allowing behaviour in your house that you don't approve of.
how annoying! Good luck!

[jec]

I had a little one who did something very similar. Drop off time was drama and tears and melt downs. I chatted with both parents as they did drop off and pick up depending upon who was done work first that day ~ I made them aware that it was affecting their little one's day....and everyone else's as well by watching the meltdowns. It will make her day better if they give her a hug and tell her to have a great day as getting out of the car. I meet them at the front door and bring her in and we wave good bye and tell them to have a great day. Mom or Dad never came in at drop off. Few tears at first as the little one thought if she did then they would do what she wanted. it didn't take long for her to pick up and drop off became a breeze. Same at pick up. Unless they were going to be late, I had her go to the bathroom, put on her boots and jacket and wait by the door for mom or dad so she wasn't running around the playroom as they ran after her to try to get her dressed for home time. If they were late then they would call. I would take her hand when they came to the door, gave them her home bag and gave them her hand and told her bye and see her tomorrow. Again, only a little while adjusting and she got used to it.
Good luck tonight ~ not easy talking to parents who feel this behavior is OK and or don't know how to handle it. Who knows, they may end up thanking you for the help!
Let us know how it goes

[Emily3]

Hi! Good luck tonight!! I would just be straight forward and tell dad it is "kiss and go" time! None of my parents even enter the front door.....I hold door open while everyone hugs, then hand 'em over! No one has ever complained!

[Cadillac]

Thanks everyone. I'm sure everything will go smoothly. Dad pretty easy going. Those most I'm worried about is embarrassing him with what I have to say.

[Momof4]

Oh dear, we all get a family like this once in a while, it's either tantrums or nonstop crying or some sort of drama that the parent falls for. Thankfully I have been able to talk to the parents who have fallen for the tricks in my daycare and tell them nicely that they are letting the child control them and run the family. Does that sound mean? It's the truth. The drama stops the second the door is closed and the parents can hear that through the door.

I don't claim credit for that advice though, I got it from some other daycare providers who had been in the business for years. I was at my wit's end when I learned how to deal with this issue too so I feel for you. But put a stop to it quickly for your sake and the Dad's sake. He'll be sorry when his daughter is a teenager if she still has him wrapped around her finger, trust me!

[Momof4]

Oh yeah, and I love your title.....the flopper.

[Sarah]

The new 3 years old I started to care for his holding on dad's leg, or mom's. They are like 10 minutes at the door.

So yesterday, I told dad exactly this:"You know she is doing that to have some control on you right? As soon as you close the door, 2 minutes max and it's done. It hurts you more than it does to her. And by staying here 10 minutes and letting her hold on to your leg like that is making the cut even harder for both you and her"

He smiled, said thank you, gave her a kiss on the forehead, opened the door, took her off his leg, said HAVE A GOOD DAY HONEY' SEE YOU TONIGHT! and left. She looked at me, looked at the door, stopped crying RIGHT AWAY and with her sleeves, dryed her tears.

Dad was releived. He was probably wanting to make our days easier. He wanted to do good! So he was happy that I told him the truth.

Hope you told this dad the truth!

S.

[Inspired by Reggio]

I agree honesty is best - drop off is best done like taking off a bandaid -quick and easy don't drag it out cause it just delays the inevitable and sometimes the "stress" of worrying how much the bandaid tearing off is going to hurt is WORSE than the actual removal