Tattling

[mamaof4]

Tattling has me just about at my wits end.

How do you stop it without losing your mind?

[Inspired by Reggio]

It is a challenging stage ... getting children to understand the difference between tattling to get someone in trouble and telling to keep someone safe ... When a child "tattles" to me about something some did I always ask "how have you tried to solve that problem" and send them back if they have not tried to ..... I also do puppet shows at group time about when to TELL and adult to get help for someone or yourself and when it is tattling to get someone in trouble and use examples from when THEY do it in their day to help them learn how to handle the two differences.

[playfelt]

Tattling is hard because I want the big kids to tell me if the little kids are doing something they aren't supposed to do when my back is turned. Mostly doing nothing about what they tell you sort of puts an end to it. If it was against the tattler such as X took my book then I tell them well dont' tell me you want it back tell them that sort of thing. At the same time not doing anything is when it escalates and hard to punish a child for hitting if they are in effect being bullied by someone else. That is when knowing whether to punish the tattler or the instigator is important and a learned art unfortunately not an exact science of knowing when someone is tattling because they have run out of being able to handle it themselves and when they are doing it as a first line of defence to get others into trouble.

Changing it around and instead of letting the child tattle but instead telling them they may come to you for help difusses some of it. They don't always get the kind of help they want either but the kind of help you think they deserve.

Ah the joys of kids that can't talk.....

Sharon

[Inspired by Reggio]

I agree ... asking "how did you try to solve your problem" helps you to investigate if they did TRY verse just come tattling to an adult ... Often they asked the kid to stop and the kid STOPPED at which point I will say the "see you solved your problem all on your own - you did not need me" however if they did not try I send them back to talk it out with the kid first while I watch from sidelines and only step on as mediator if needed ... it can be challenging and I notice it gets worse when they go to school!

[Momof4]

It's a fine line isn't it? Sometimes it's helpful but when it's nonstop-all-day-every-day it can wear you down bigtime! I had a little girl who was exactly that kind of child. I had to ask her all the time-nonstop-every-day 'not to tell me but to tell her friend instead'. It really did work and by the time she was going off to JK she had learned to talk through things with her friends instead of running to me. I was very proud of myself!

Her parents told me that at home she even told on the pets, so they couldn't tell her to talk the pets. That job was entirely mine here at daycare to teach her how to get along with other children. And her parents love me for helping their child overcome this problem. That JK teacher will never know how much time I saved her!