My day so far...

[Cocoon]

7:30am parent drops the baby. She cries and then stops for a while while eating her snacks. Snack is over and she starts crying again. Continuously! She wants me to carry her all the time. If I leave her on the floor she cries as if something hurting her but is happy as soon as I pick her up. She doesn't want to sleep. She suppose to sleep between an hour and a half in the morning and up to 2 hours in the afternoon which she never slept that long when she is with me. This morning she slept only 15 mins. but of course cried for 30mins. before she falls asleep.

She had her lunch with no problem, all smiley and everything is normal. Lunch is over and she started crying again. As long as she is sitting on my lap or me carrying her around the house she is happy and jolly. She is so tired that she falls asleep on the floor or in my arms but as soon as i put her in her cot she screams and won't sleep.

She cried for an hour before she literally exhaust herself and fall asleep. And I'm knackered! I seriously am thinking to give notice to the family as I don't think I can do this for a long time and it won't be fair on other dck. Right now, I only look after her but there will be another child joining us soon. And I don't want to upset the other child and our neighbours!

So above is my day so far. I hope yours is better then mine.

(Tired) Cocoon

[playfelt]

It shouldn't last very long. Very common for the first couple weeks up to a month of a new little one wanting the security of the adult right there with them at all times. What she is doing is transferring the trust she has with her mom to you. Since she is the only one you have it will be easiser because you can spend the extra time with her. Sit down on the floor with her between your legs and put toys where she can reach them but always be able to touch you too. Gradually slide back so that you are both on the floor but the toys are between you. As soon as she feels comfortable she should start playing more on her own instead of needing to be carried although she will always want you right there just in case.

This assumes that mom is not carrying her all the time she has her or holding her till she falls asleep or worse yet co-sleeping since it isn't something that you can do at daycare. Mom needs to make sure that she too is teaching the child to be ok in her own skin and to rely on others less.

This is pretty typical so think twice about terminating because there is a very good chance the next kids you get will be the same or at least to some degree the same.

[Cocoon]

Thank you playfelt, I won't be terminating unless I'm %100 sure that I can't take it anymore. Whatever you mentioned above and not mentioned I've tried it all. Belive me. I've dealt with the difficult kid ever and even then I didn't quit(the money was great and it took me 3 months to put him in a routine, but that's another story ). So I will again do my best but if it doesn't improve I'm not going to stress myself over it.

I have 10 years of experience and I can tell whether this will work out or not in couple of weeks. I hope it does as the baby and her parents' are lovely.

[Judy Trickett]

This is pretty typical so think twice about terminating because there is a very good chance the next kids you get will be the same or at least to some degree the same.

Yes, I agree. Most kids cry like this the first day or two (or for the first week for some). OP, you have to remember that this child has been home with mom exclusively picking her up and responding to every whimper for a whole year. The child has learned that crying gets her what she wants. It's not the child's fault. She just needs to relearn how it works at your house and in group care.

Just don't pick her up. Not at ALL. Seriously, you are teaching her that crying gets her a reward of being picked up. When she cries you take over a toy to her and offer it and tell her 'that's enough' and you walk away. It is very easy......desired behaviour gets positive results, undesirable behaviour gets NOTHING.

Ignore, Ignore, Ignore and she will be fine in a week.

[Cocoon]

Thank you Judy, the problem is I live in an apartment and if you hear her crying, you would think that I'm torturing her I'm worried that one of my neighbours will come and complain. It would have been easier if I was living in a house. I know what and how I need to do it's just me living in an apartment makes it more difficult for me

[Daymama]

I use a baby carrier (Ergo or ring sling) and wear little ones as much as possible for the first few days of care. This helps with the transfer of trust that Playfelt refers to, and lets me have my hands free. I did a lot of babywearing with my own children so it comes naturally to me. I have found that most babies/young toddlers do well with being carried in this way, and after a while, when they feel secure with me and comfortable in my home, they squirm more and more to be let down to play with the toys and the other children. I try to time it, too, so I am not starting more than one baby at a time, so I can give extra support to the new one when s/he needs it.

[Judy Trickett]

I use a baby carrier (Ergo or ring sling) and wear little ones as much as possible for the first few days of care. This helps with the transfer of trust that Playfelt refers to, and lets me have my hands free. I did a lot of babywearing with my own children so it comes naturally to me. I have found that most babies/young toddlers do well with being carried in this way, and after a while, when they feel secure with me and comfortable in my home, they squirm more and more to be let down to play. I try to time it, too, so I am not starting more than one baby at a time, so I can give extra support to the new one when s/he needs it.

Hey, first a disclaimer....NOT picking on you.

BUT.....I don't wear kids. No, I am NOT an APer and well, don't agree with Aping but even if I DID agree with APing I would not wear a kid.

Here's why......it is really, really BAD for the provider. It is all well and good to wear your own kids because that amounts to far less time on your frame. But if you wear dckids and you are in this career for 5, 10, 20 years then that is A LOT of wear and tear on your frame. And with NO worker's compensation or EI or benefits that is a big liability to not only your job but your lifestyle and well-being. It is very bad for your spine.

Just saying.........

[Cocoon]

Daymama, I can not carry her as I already have back pain and it would make it worst. I talked to her father who came to pick up and he told me few things they do and I told him those things needs to change and he was all supportive.
She does get constant attention at home and picked up soon as she cries. She doesn't know how to play on her own and sooth herself. She is nearly 14 months old. I'm going to talk to her mother about it tomorrow morning. As I said before, I really hope she will improve, she is very sweet little girl and I've already bonded with her. L)

[Daymama]

No worries Judy, to each her own. I'm an APer who uses behavioralist techniques like you describe after the children have settled in, but I do everything I can to promote attachment while the children are in the settling in period. I'm willing to bet that both of us run excellent dayhomes, just with different styles.

I have been a provider for 13 years and have used a carrier off and on the whole time. An ergonomic carrier, properly fitted, like an Ergo, does not cause back pain for me at all, not the way carrying a babe in my arms would, though I've heard some people say they can't babywear due to pain (often those who started trying after a c-section.)

I find that babywearing is a great tool for me as a provider that makes children less clingy in the long run - and I find I only need to do it during the settling in period. Before long, they become more interested in exploring and playing with other children than in the view from my carrier. I might use a carrier while on outings, too, if I don't have enough room in my stroller, but my carriers have been mostly gathering dust for about 18 months now as the children I have now have been very content since a few weeks after they started. I will break them out for some new babies in January, though. I also have had zero turnover from having to terminate fussy babies or toddlers early on or families leaving because it isn't working out for their child - and that is fine with me, as I hate advertising and interviewing and am willing to go to a little trouble to avoid doing more of it.

It might not work for all babies or for anyone who didn't enjoy wearing their own children, but I just wanted to put the idea of a good carrier out there as a tool. I'm sorry you have back pain, Cocoon! It is great that the family sounds willing to work with you on helping the child adjust to care, though. I do a lot of sitting on the floor with little ones, as playfelt suggests, too - that is a great strategy to help a little one get comfortable around you and your home, though it helps to be physically flexible for that one, too.

Your point about providers having no insurance for injuries is well taken, Judy. It is really important for providers who are in this for the long haul to stay fit, be careful lifting, and possibly look into buying into an accident and disability insurance package. There are lots of ways to get injured, both on the job and off, and any injury could shut down a dayhome provider's income. Our health and ability to work are the greatest assets most of us have, and we do have to protect them.

[sunnydays]

Like Daymama, I also use my Ergo carrier for the daycare kids in the beginning and then as a carrier on outings if they won't fit in the stroller. I understand what Judy is saying and it is not for everyone, but I have found it very helpful in helping the new little one feel secure. I only do this with small children, not big two year olds etc. I have no back pain at all from it and if I were to start getting pain, I would stop. I just find it easier than carrying them around and I find that within a couple of weeks the security settles in and the little one is fine with being put down more and more until the carrier is not necessary at all. For me, this is a gradual easing into daycare for the baby and helps them feel attached and secure. I would not continue it past the first couple of weeks as they do need to learn to be put down and play on their own...I just try to make it a gradual transition and it seems to work for me. I like Playfelt's suggestions too for Cocoon; the baby needs to be close to you for the first while with a VERY predictable routine so that she starts to feel secure and knows what to expect...then gradually you can ease her into playing on the floor on her own.