Kids who don't tidy up don't get to play the next day. They are directed to a set of specific toys and that is it - anything that doesn't have pieces so the garage and one car which is considered cleaned up by putting the car on the parking space. Redirect the child back to the "acceptable" toys for the entire first half of the playtime. After that allow him a bit more freedom but make him clean up before moving on which should be what is happening for everyone anyways but I know I let them make a mess cause they will pick it up as soon as I ask.

On the meal it is based on when the last child finishes. Unless there is a medical reason like child has chewing issues and needs to go slow or totally confused by cutlery then I let them have more. I serve to all, then they are washed and allowed to leave the table as they finish. Finished means clean plates. If there is still food they need to stay at the table just in case they feel hungry enough to eat more. I fix the plate with appropriate child size servings adjusted for normal appetite so nutrionally they really should be clearing their plates. Last child can stay while I clean up but that is it.

My gang generally goes to watch tv as they finish lunch which is a great incentive to the others to get busy eating. My upstairs playroom area is also the nap space so once we have cleaned up for lunch I prefer we didn't mess it up. Thoses that refused to clean up from our basement play area so we could come upstairs come and sit at the table in the kitchen while I make lunch instead of playing in the upstairs playroom.