What would you do?

[lunademiel]

Hey everyone,
I need your advice AGAIN!

DCG started Feb 13th so 4 weeks now. She's now 14 months old. My trial period ends today, basically that means we can both terminate with no notice up until today.

As you may remember this little girl has been giving me a hard time right from the start. Hitting, biting, throwing toys, climbing things, making herself vomit, etc. Basically I cannot turn my eyes for a single moment, which is VERY stressful! Now a lot of the aggression has gotten better towards the other children, but she now hits herself...

She makes it here at 6:15 every morning which I know is part of the problem. I've started putting her to bed as soon as she gets here, she sleeps till 8:30, has breakfast, my LO goes to sleep at 9:00 then they all have a snack at 10. We go for a walk, Lunch at 11:45. They all go down again at 12:30. I'm finding that she's exhausted again by 10 but if I put her to bed again then she'll sleep till 12:00 then be up the rest of the afternoon while the others are sleeping. I'm just finding that her routine just isn't working with the rest of us/kids.

She also goes to sleep with a bottle, which is not good for her sleep cycles, plus she wakes up from every nap soaked through her diaper, I have to change her and the sheets. She is not on a consistent routine at home. Which makes her EXHAUSTED here.

Basically I just feel like this is just not a good "fit". I have others on my wait list so filling the spot is not a problem. I just feel so bad for the parents because it will be SO hard for them to find a new daycare. I feel so bad, but I'm just feeling so stressed with this little girl.

I just don't know what to do...

[fruitloop]

First off, I would get rid of the bottle. There is no reason any child should be going to bed WITH a bottle, it's a bad habit to get into and it's horrible for their teeth! It's your house so your rules and just because 'it's what mom does" doesn't mean it's what you have to do. I actually don't even do bottles for kids that age at all. when they come here at 12 months they go straight to a sippy cup. Second...she will get use to the new routine of sleeping as soon as she gets there and making it until your nap time. I would let her sleep until about 9 as long as she goes down for the afternoon sleep good too. Third...it's very important that the parents are on board and have the same sort of parenting views as yourself or it won't work very well. Maybe talk with the parents about a routine and seeing if they'd be willing to put her on your routine. If they aren't willing to make any effort on their part, I'd get rid of them.

[jec]

I remember you posting about this little one and how stressed out you were with her and seems as though nothing has changed there.
You have to make the choice if you want to continue working with her on her behavior ~ are the parents on the same page in regards to working with her behavior? Fruitloop is right, she needs to be on your schedule and are the parents going to help HER (and you) by putting her on the same schedule at home. If they aren't, best to end care now.
I had a family just recently who wanted their little one on two naps-and I couldn't accomidate and it was important to them and not willing to work with me.I tried everything to work with them. It's SO important to have the parents on the same page as you, your working together to help their daughter and if they can't then let them go .....
I get the impression that you already know it's not the right fit but so hard to say it's not working. Some times it's not the right fit for one reason or another. ((Hugs))

[mom-in-alberta]

I agree... you need to evaluate whether you think the parents will be willing to adapt with you, and help you here. If you think that they will, and that what's going on right now is just due to ignorance/new parenting, then you can move forward. State your expectations, and ask them to do what you feel they need to.
If you have the idea, though, that no matter what you say it's not going to change anything; I would terminate, under the idea that it's just not the right fit. You will just be beating your head against the wall, until you end up terminating eventually anyways.
GOOD LUCK!!

[sunnydays]

One thing you could do also is to extend the trial period by another two weeks or a month and give a list of the reasons why the child/family is going to remain on probation. That way you are saying, if you can work with me to remedy these issues thenteh child can stay, but if there is no improvement, care will end. That way they have some warning and a chance to help the situation.

[playfelt]

I like the idea of extending the probation with conditions.

[Spixie33]

It sounds like in your gut you know she is not a good fit.
I would listen to that voice before it gets worse and you have a harder time terminating down the line.

[lunademiel]

Ahhh you are all so right...

On one hand, extending the trial period seems like the "right" thing to do but on the other hand am I just beating my head against the wall when I know it's just not going to work?

I think I feel responsibility to keep trying. I need to have a conversation with the parents but apparently I'm not so good at that! I just don't know what to say when they think their little girl is such an angel! I hate hearing the "she's not like that at home". Well no, she's not with other children and she gets your non-stop attention, and she gets to do whatever she wants at home

I have asked for them to keep her on a routine on the weekends, they say it's just so hard when she's tired. Which I obviously understand, while she's here when she's tired she hits, bites and generally disrupts the whole daycare

I am going to give it another week, we will see if she can continue our routine on Monday. If she has problems then I know for sure it's just not the right fit. I don't mind giving them 2 weeks notice. I'm sure they may not even find care within two weeks anyway.

It's so frustrating when I have calls almost everyday with people looking for care. But in the end maybe they all will be this way LOL!

Thanks everyone again for all the support!

[Momof4]

SHE IS NOT ON A CONSISTENT ROUTINE AT HOME.

Those words are in your original post and that is the whole problem right there in a nutshell. If the parents don't help me out I'm banging my head against a wall and I won't do it. I don't accept families like that into care and I scare them away at the interview by telling them this exact thing.

I truly believe that children thrive on routine and need it to be healthy and happy. You have not described a healthy, happy child at all. I also like the idea that you lay it on the line with the parents and extend the probation for a couple of weeks, but it's the parents who need to shape up or it's useless.

[Dreamalittledream]

Re: "Wakes up from every nap soaked through her diaper."
You may want to try double diapering her...would save you a lot of work

Re: "She makes it here at 6:15 every morning which I know is part of the problem. I've started putting her to bed as soon as she gets here, she sleeps till 8:30, has breakfast, my LO goes to sleep at 9:00 then they all have a snack at 10"
Just wondering if you have tried delaying her nap until 8am? This way, you will get a break during the overlap from 9 to 10 while both are napping and not such a gap before afternoon nap.
Good luck!