Transition time - how much is too much?

[playfelt]

And we all know are nice little angelic daycare children are so not going to behave for an entire day.

I do a five day transition. All arrivals are at the time that mom would normally drop off so they can get into the routine themselves and I encourage them to continue driving on to work one of the days just to be sure since traffic patterns may have changed while they were on mat leave.

Day one mom and child come and stay no more than 2 hours -ie baby usually is fussy and goes home for nap. Day two they come and mom stays no more than 20 minutes and leaves child for an hour. Day three, mom stays up to 15 minutes only if she absolutely must and child stays till noon but is picked up before lunch so has a snack and morning nap at my place. Day 4 mom doesn't stay at all and child stays till after lunch but before afternoon nap. Day 5 child is dropped off and stays as if a normal day although mom is encouraged to pick up right after nap/snack so there is no risk of child being the last one in care - ie they are the first ones to leave.

I only do this if the parents insist. Otherwise cold turkey works just fine. Mom has to understand that she is turning the child's reality upside down and has to expect complaint. The child needs to learn right from the beginning that this is just how it is going to be. If mom stays then it confuses the child into thinking this is playgroup. It is also not fair for the other kids in care who are not allowed to bring mommy to daycare for a day. I can see it now - bring your mommy to daycare day - only fair if we have take your kid to work day don't you think - NOT!

[mom-in-alberta]

Hmmmm... you have all given me some really good ideas, should any future parents want to do the "transitioning" thing. So far, I have only had cold-turkey-toss-me-the-kid-and-the-diaper-bag-and-run parents, lol.
I don't think I am up for having parents around while the kid eases in, though. Just personal choice. I feel like I might be super nervous or something, like I am on display. They will see how I interact with their child without hovering around the daycare. But I am down with doing half days, etc and moving up to full days, full time.
Thanks!

[jec]

Wow ~ I've never had a parent ask to stay the entire day! I always joke with my daycare parents that the transition time is mostly for them but this is a little much.

Did you get a response from your email about not staying the entire day next week? If not, I would call and speak to her directly so there are no uncomfortable misunderstandings come Monday. The ladies gave you some great reasons to tell the Mom why she isn't to stay and just reassure her that her little one is going to do great!

[Other Mummy]

Nothing new to add...You've gotten some great feedback. Just cannot believe that request. Are you offering snack time, lunch and naptime for her as well LOL!~

[jec]

Nothing new to add...You've gotten some great feedback. Just cannot believe that request. Are you offering snack time, lunch and naptime for her as well LOL!~

Thanks for my morning laugh ~ that is funny!!

[Inspired by Reggio]

I am another one who actually prefers and promotes pre-visits and weaning UP to a full day before a child is actually left with me and the parent goes to work.

My handbook clearly indicates that prior to the 'start date' a child must come with parent to the program for at least TWO 2 hour play dates one in the morning and one in the afternoon so that the parent and child can be familiar with the 'routines' and so that I can see how the child is use to being soothed with the parent and so forth. I try not to have visits over 'quiet time' because for various reasons it is my LUNCH break and i do not want to be working over it entertaining a client and well having another 'adult' in the house during quiet time ALWAYS results in less sleeping even my SPOUSE gets the boot out of the house during quiet time because he 'talks to me' and the strange noise / voice for the kids tends to wake them up!

However when it comes to play dates I encourage the parent to be on the PROPERTY for these visits because their child cannot be in my 'ratio' unless they are paying for the space and often my program is still 'full' while I am doing play dates cause the leaving child is not quite done ... so I tell them to bring a book or magazine or their lap top and hang out in my living room out of site so that their child can be in the program so a short part of the visit 'thinking' that mom/dad has left so IF they are tearful I can attempt to soothe /comfort them and if 15 minutes pass and the child is NOT coping and getting more stressed than the parent can come 'back' to help the child learn that YES mama and dada ALWAYS come back when I am left here - and I wean up how long the second visit that the child is allowed to be left to 'cry' before the parent comes back.

I also do the same thing as Playfelt their first 'care' week where they are left here and paying for the space the first day is a part day and we wean up to the full day as the child gets more trusting that yes mama and dada do return ... I personally do not think it is healthy for a child to 'cry all day long' and find that doing the slow transition and having the parent THERE to come back allows the child to learn to trust my environment and ability to meet their needs much faster ...IME my newbies who are transitioned this way rarely cry for me except on those occasions where I miss their hunger / tired cues and they have to wait a moment for me to get their bottle ready or get the other kids engaged in something quiet so I can put them down for a nap however on the rare times where I have had to take on a cold turkey child - the first few MONTHS tend to be tear filled ... the children refuse to eat for me, the have a hard time sleeping and so forth cause they are so 'anxiety ridden' and do not trust me cause well there was no time for them or their parent to be 'at ease' within the program

[daycaremom9]

I have a boy who has been coming here for 2 1/2 years now and whenever his mom has time she will come into the daycare and takes over. She expects to have snack time if her son hasn't eat, or do show & tell if he has brought something. For the most part he is fine but occasionally he is really clingy with her. Also when Grandma is available they will give this boy a choice of whether to come to daycare. But when Grandma isn't available, he is forced to come and they are confused as to why he doesn't want to come. The mom is very strong headed and mentions "open door policy". Sorry for ranting but this gives me great stress. Now since she's a seasonal worker come summer time she is going to have alot of free time and I dread having to go through this for a couple of months. It is very uncomfortable when she stays and I would love to avoid this but just don't know how to avoid it.

[Inspired by Reggio]

Oh hon - I too have an 'open door' policy in that enrolled clients does not need an appointment to come to pick up or call it does not mean you are welcome to TAKE OVER MY HOME and even the 'you can pick up whenever' I still explain that if it is going to be vastly different it is best for the children to PREPARE them for that so call to give me a heads up if you are going to be early so you are not dealing with tears cause you are changing their routine and they want to stay for art or whatever we have planned for the next stage - if I know they are leaving 'early' I do not SHARE what we will be doing with the group so they do not know they are 'missing' anything!

Ultimately this is my house and my program and MY BUSINESS and if a client was not respecting my rules or boundaries I would just politely explain 'sorry but this is not working for the PROGRAM and as a result the DOOR JUST CLOSED TO YOU' if she is negatively impacting the program with her 'visit' just explain that the children are finding it hard to have a 'visitor' in the program or if it is her own child who is testing limits and boundaries as a result either way it is not 'working' and unfortunately her 'play dates' are not working if she is coming to drop off she drops and leaves and if she is coming to pick up she picks up and leaves - no hang time

Do you have a posted schedule as to when snack is served? Cause if the kid 'missed' well sorry but you are SOL you should have eaten AT HOME?

As for the inconsistent 'option' to attend child care - ya that must be hard for the child cause ultimately no matter how much FUN we are most kids would rather be with their family if the option is there ... I have one DCB whose mom is a SAHM who often tries to play the 'feeling sick card' when he is tired or just feeling clingy to mom cause he knows if his is 'sick' he gets to stay home cause he does not NEED to be in care so mom can work but just for some social skills time and so mom can get some chores done that are not fun to do with kids in tow sort of thing...mom has finally had to put her foot down cause he would 'fake' being sick to stay home and than 5 minutes after she called to say he was not coming be bouncing around the house feeling 'better' so now if he is TOO SICK to come to daycare he is too sick to PLAY at home and has to spend the day in BED ... and well suddenly it was more fun to come to daycare again

[Sandbox Sally]

Uhhh...daycaremom9, that would NOT fly with me. Open door means they can come by and get their child any time, NOT that they can come into my home and hang out if they feel so inclined. Screw that! I don't know anyone in any industry that'd want their clients over their shoulder all day long. Ew.

[michellesmunchkins]

Daycaremom9 that would never fly in my home daycare either! How would she feel if you showed up at her job and took over one day???? My open door policy is the same as the others but I would never let a mom come in and take over. This is my job and they certainly wouldn't want someone doing theirs for them. I would put a stop to it right away before the summer. I know, easier said than done once they have been allowed to do these things but you need to take the control back on your own business. Trust me, I went through all of this too and the ladies on here quickly put me in my place about not empowering the parents to do as they wish