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I am with Alphagetti on this one...mostly. As a parent, I babywore and I never really let my babies cry it out for more than a few minutes when I knew that they were really tired and needed to get to sleep. I cosleep until they start sleepign on their own, which they have all done by age one or 1 1/2 on their own. However, as a caregiver, it is a bit different. I wil babywear if necessary in the beginning to help a child adjust and feel secure, but sometimes I also have to let them cry a bit because I just cannot be in so many places at once and I cannot babywear them all at once. At naptime I also will let them cry it out as I absolutely need my downtime with 5 kids to take care of...it's different than with just my own kids. I do try to comfort them and pick them up when they cry as I don't believe babies cry for no reason....but at the same time, they also have to learn that I cannot always rush to them if I am tending to another child and I do think it's good for them to learn that the world doesn't revolve around them as well. So, I guess I am really in the middle somewhere!
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The Following User Says Thank You to sunnydays For This Useful Post:
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I am not a cry it out parent. I honestly believe that kids need to have their emotional needs met just as much as their physical needs. If kids can develop a trusting relationship with their caregivers then they will be more secure and feel better about trying new things.
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Thanks so much for all the advice. Thankfully, I have no trouble with him during nap time and I don't mind consoling and adjusting my routine a bit. It was just getting to be a bit unbearable this morning. He was a bit better in the afternoon. Thanks again.
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I personally am not a babywearer and I would never accept into care a child that was because that child is going to expect me to carry them around all day and of course I couldn't do that so they are going to xry for a majority of the day. when I interview I like to find out what the norm is at home and if it is not similar to the way I do things here then I won't accept them. I do believe in self soothing and I have never ever brought any of my kids into my bed to sleep for any reason.and all of my kids slept through the night any where from between two weeks old to 12 weeks old.....I have also never laid down with any of my kids (in their bed) or had to rub or pat backs. They just went to bed .... I have been very lucky with all of my daycare kids also ... Everyone of them goes into a playpen and goes to sleep even the 10 month old.
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About the time kids are pulling to a stand and starting to cruise the furniture until the time they actually walk they often go through a separation stage. It has to do with realizing they have the ability to move away. What I prefer to do with kids in this stage is what I call come back training. That means putting the child down and letting them see you right there then walk away out of sight and of couse they will wail. Then almost immediately walk back into their view but do not interact with them. Just keep doing that over and over. If you have two doorways to the room even better that you leave by one and come back by the other. Child sees you go and then doesn't know which door to follow you. It becomes a game of sorts. Eventually the child learns the lesson that you go away and you come back. And there is nothing you can do to rush the child through this stage of development it just happens and it just ends. The sooner it ends the sooner the child starts relying on themselves for more things from playing alone, sleeping alone, looking to others to interact and not just the caregiver. It's like they suddenly become socail beings - and it coincides with learning to walk and become independent. Some kids scream through it and some wimper through it but they all go through it in some way.
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The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to playfelt For This Useful Post:
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For those of you that "wear" the baby... for how long? I have been getting great use out of my sling and carrier with my 6 month old, especially the last few days, as she is sick and screams if she isn't being held upright.
But I can't imagine doing this a year from now, when she's 18 months old? Sheer size alone makes my back hurt thinking of it.... I have to say, my cutoff would be a little before the year mark, at least around the house.
Just curious. I think I fall somewhere in between. I believe that there is a time for snuggle-type comforting, and a time for verbal-reassurance-type comforting.
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We never had all these issues back when we had the 6 month maternity leave because by the time children were in the separation phase (9 - 12months) they were already comfortable with the caregiver and accepted her. Really not sure what developmental specialists they talked to when they went to the one year maternity leave or more likely just pulled a number out of a hat. It is truely not the best time for a child.
Parents need to take more responsibility for weaning their child off dependence before starting care and you can clearly see which ones have and which ones still make themselves indispensible to the child - not the kind of child we want into care. Self esteem starts in infancy. We hear so much about what we do hurting a child's self esteem but no one seems to care about that for babies. A child that can not separate from the parent and see themselves as an individual, play and entertain themselves for the intrinsic value it gives is suffering from low self-esteeem and yes it starts in infancy. If not learned then it is something we have to actually teach a toddler and that is where a lot of the crying issues come from. Those that never had the privilege of bringing childrern into you daycare when they were 4-6 months old won't be able to appreciate just how different the transition was for the children. By a year we were having so much fun and concentrating on walking - afterall we had to start potty training by 15 months so they would be done by 18 months. Really dating myself now, lol.
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The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to playfelt For This Useful Post:
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So true playfelt .... When I had my first mat leave was 16 weeks .... At that age babies don't really care who holds/ feeds/plays with them so much easier when I had my second I couldn't afford mat leave so I was back at work within weeks by the time I had my 3rd, 4th and 5th mat leave was a year .... I have always had the experience if you let your child play on the floor or in a playpen as opposed to holding them all the time it makes for a more I dependent child and therefore they have an easier time adapting to new situations cause they don't always need to be attached to mommy....they are already sure of themselves but of course you always will have the exception. I don't know just been my experience ....
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Euphoric !
 Originally Posted by mom-in-alberta
For those of you that "wear" the baby... for how long?...
But I can't imagine doing this a year from now, when she's 18 months old? ....
Ya for me it was just during the 'transition phase' so the first 6 weeks or so .... the child has a reflux issue so if she cried too long the acid in her stomach would come up and actually cause her pain and you would NEVER get her calmed down than hence the ease at just wearing her when my hands had to be too busy to help others and so forth The more bonded she became and able to trust her needs were going to be met the more she was able to venture out and need me less and so forth.
My current transitioning babe has that same reflux disease - I do not need to wear him though cause he seems to be adjusting quicker he is ok to be down on the floor as long as I am 'insight' so I just do my best to keep myself in sight and than playing LOTS of peekaboo games with him to help me GET that I always come back - cause I would REALLY like to be able to pee without blood curdling screaming outside the door or having to have an 'audience'
Children construct their own intelligence. The adult must provide activities and context, but most of all must be able to listen. Children need proof that adults believe in them. Their three great desires are to be listened to, to understand, and to demonstrate that they are exactly what we expect."
Loris Malaguzzi
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Playfelt, you nailed it! I have had better luck with babies starting with me at 5 months of age than at 10 months of age when they are already learning all they have to do is wail and their parents will pick them up. Once you train the parents though that they don't have to do that it gets better. I believe babies need lots of love and cuddling but I also believe by that age they are smart enough to realize what works and what doesn't work to get their parents to do things their way.
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