Who would Terminate if this didn't improve?

[playfelt]

What I do with my crier is call her bluff so to speak. I treat the crying the same as if she was yelling and having a tantrum because to a certain extent that is what she is doing. tears get sympathy tantrums get timeout. Well when you are three and use tears as a way to manipulate just as you would if you were having a tantrum and screaming and stamping your feet you get treated the same.

When you start to look at the crying from that perspective it makes dealing with it easier in the sense of negative consequences do work eventually. Now I am getting to the point I can just give her "that look" and she turns the tears to a pout/blubber but at least it is quieter.

We are so conditioned to respond to tears that we forget that kids use them instead of words and instead of actions when they are older because they learned in infancy/toddlerhood that the method worked. Now they are three and time to teach a new lesson - they don't work.

[Cadillac]

What I do with my crier is call her bluff so to speak. I treat the crying the same as if she was yelling and having a tantrum because to a certain extent that is what she is doing. tears get sympathy tantrums get timeout. Well when you are three and use tears as a way to manipulate just as you would if you were having a tantrum and screaming and stamping your feet you get treated the same.

When you start to look at the crying from that perspective it makes dealing with it easier in the sense of negative consequences do work eventually. Now I am getting to the point I can just give her "that look" and she turns the tears to a pout/blubber but at least it is quieter.

We are so conditioned to respond to tears that we forget that kids use them instead of words and instead of actions when they are older because they learned in infancy/toddlerhood that the method worked. Now they are three and time to teach a new lesson - they don't work.

This is what I do. She is to go and sit on the couch and have her cry and come back when she is ready. Or, if it's lunch or a letter activity she is to sit there until she does what is expected, tears or not. If I tell her to 'put the tears away as this is an expectation' I get the blubber . . . . for about 30seconds, with the redirection to the task the tears come back.

I couldn't help but laugh the other day: We were at the beach and she was directed not to throw sand as it gets into kids eyes. She got two warning s and then her time out on the bench on the boardwalk. She was quiet, no tears (I commented to my assistant that this was great, she was taking her time out without the normal wails) . . . then an old couple approaches. When trhey were ten feet away 3yo starts to WAIL!!!!!! . . . Couple goes 'awwwwwwww' I go 'NONONO she's got a time out, don't feed into HER PLEEEEEEAAAASE!" couple laughs and continues walking . . . . . 1 min later . . mother approaches . . . same thing happens. This happened at least twice more. As soon as I would tell the pedestrians what was going on the crocodile tears would immediately cease and the look I got from her OOOOOOOOH MAN!

[playfelt]

Do kids really think we are that naive?

They get so annoyed when their games don't work. And you know what, sad to say but that is what allows us as caregivers to stick it out with a child like that is to in a sense have the last laugh.

[sunnydays]

I am almost embarrassed to admit it, but my own 3 1/2 year old is a crier I do as the ladies above have mentioned and he goes to his room to cry it out on his own...in fact, sometimes he even sends himself there when he is upset. Every time something doesn't go his way or we say no to him, he cries. He is sensitive and hates it when we raise our voices at him, but the crying drives me nuts! I sure hope he grows out of it soon! I only add this because I want to add a parent's perspective and that this child's parents may be struggling with it at home too. I am consistent and I don't give into his crying, but he still does it and has numerous "cry outs" in his room per day. Sometimes I have better luck if I can stop him before he starts to cry...when I can see it coming I will remind him firmly of the consequences and sometimes he is able to gulp back the cry before it escapes. Best of luck to you with your crier

[Lou]

I unfortunately just had to terminate a crier. A freaking FIVE YEAR OLD!!! She cried every day all day (came 3 days a week), whenever she was dropped off, there was some sort of transition or meal time. All the while her twin brother would throw explosive tantrums. I gave this 1 1/2 months, and with no improvement, awkwardly had to let the family go (friends of ours, and neighbours 2 doors down). It was soooooo disruptive to the daycare day and incredibly unfair to the my other dck's. Bye bye.

[Momof4]

Yesterday morning my almost 4 year old boy cried his face off when his Mom was trying to get out the door. She kept hugging him and talking to him until I finally told her that he is taking control of her by carrying on this way and she shouldn't fall for it. When she picked him up she still felt guilty. If the parents didn't fall for this nonsense it sure would help the children. You know darn well this little boy has NEVER behaved that way for me, but he's been with me since he was a baby, 3 years now.

[Cadillac]

Meeting with the parents tomorrow night. wish me luck!

I have some advice but I need to figure out how to suggest it without telling these parents how to raise their child. SOOOOO awkward and I know I wouldn't appreciate it

[Sarah]

FlexFunCare, I am not sure I understand.

This is a 2yo right? And she cries when you want her to follow your "educational" program?

But she has no problem with free play?

Am I right here???

If I am, why don't you let her play by herself and do your things with the others?

I have read all your comments ladies, and as much as I understand what you are saying, it is a 2yo we are talking about... It's still a baby. At 2 yo, they are learning, not all at the same pace. I have 2 of them here, twin boys. They are the complete opposite! One love directed activities, the other one just wants free play. They have plenty of time to mature for school. They have 3 years in fact. They don't HAVE to go at 4, they can start at 5, or even 6. By law, it is not required to go to kindergarden...

And I can give you my son as an exemple. He was going to a daycare center, and was miserable all day long. Hated directed play, wanted free play ONLY. And alone. Of course, we pulled him out of there, it was too structured for our immature boy! We put him in a home daycare, where he was aloud to do free play when the others where doing the "program". And he blossomed there! He was such a happy boy. By the time he was 5, he was ready to start school. It was hard because in his case, he could have waited a year. But I didn't know then that I wasn't requiered to send him for kindergarden. We supported him, and now he is in first grade, and he his a great kid, follows the rules, is funny, smart, participating, friendly, a positive leader...

My way to see things is a little bit different. I want kids to be kids and accompany them in their development, but not force them in the way I think it should be.

Good luck with this! Follow your gut! Of course you can call me if you need to talk about it! Sometimes, just venting does the trick!

Sarah

[fruitloop]

I don't think it's JUST her educational program that this kid doesn't want to do Sarah, She mentioned quite a few things that she cries over. I also strongly disagree that a 2 year old is a baby as well. 2 years olds are capable of a lot if the expectations are set forth for them while still being able to be a kid. I'm sure she isn't expecting a 2 year old to sit and do school work but at 2 she should be able to sit through a circle time. I have 18 month old kids that can and do sit through at least 10 - 15 minutes of circle time. Some will sit longer than others.

[sunnydays]

Actually, in the original post it was mentioned that the child is 3 years old...that means she will likely be going to school next year and will need to learn not to cry about everything. I mentioned that my son is a bit of a crier, BUT he never does it when he is not at home. He is going to preschool 5 mornings a week and he has never cried at school or given any trouble to his teacher (that I know of). I am also doing everything possible to snap him out of the crying. I do think we have to have reasonable expectations of the kids...kids do rise to expectations often and if we set the bar too low then they remain "babies" for much longer than necessary and this does not do them any service as they will struggle to adjust when they start school.