Who would Terminate if this didn't improve?

[Momof4]

I have to agree that a girl that age shouldn't behave that way and if the parents aren't working with you it's hopeless. That is my unwritten rule for my daycare but I do mention it to parents at the interview. I will go through ANYTHING and have, as long as the parents are working hard to improve any issue that arises. If not, I have terminated 2X in the past because of that, but have also continued with 2 other difficult children who came around quickly with their parent's wonderful help.

[lunademiel]

I have to agree that a girl that age shouldn't behave that way and if the parents aren't working with you it's hopeless. That is my unwritten rule for my daycare but I do mention it to parents at the interview. I will go through ANYTHING and have, as long as the parents are working hard to improve any issue that arises. If not, I have terminated 2X in the past because of that, but have also continued with 2 other difficult children who came around quickly with their parent's wonderful help.

Just out of curiosity, what could the parents do to help if her behavior was not like this at home?
Thanks in advance!

[mom-in-alberta]

Just out of curiosity, what could the parents do to help if her behavior was not like this at home?
Thanks in advance!

For me; when a parent says "Oh, they NEVER do this at home!!" I don't really believe it. I know that kids can act somewhat differently with parents vs other people, I do. But there MUST be some of the same behaviours, they just don't SEE IT.

And Sarah; I hope we aren't being too harsh on you. There is obviously just a difference in opinion. The challenge with this little girl seems to be that she is defiant and emotional over EVERYTHING. If it were just an issue of "I don't want to do a craft, today", I am sure that our original poster would not have this much of an issue. But as I mentioned, the little girl is refusing to do pretty much anything and everything asked of her. We have to draw some boundaries and rules somehow, right? Nobody is saying that we need to turn these kids into some kind of rule-following-automoton-robot-people. But in GROUP CARE, sometimes we need to do what the GROUP is doing. Even if it's not exactly what we want to do at that precise moment. We have to function as a unit. So if circle time is upstairs and the playroom is downstairs, then I guess free play at that time is not going to work.

In any case, I hope that things get better with this family real soon!!!

[Sarah]

And Sarah; I hope we aren't being too harsh on you.

Respectfull discussion is healthy!

You all made me realize something!

I still beleive that they all are kids, if not baby (some seem to not like that calling!!!) they are really young and we are there to teach them, by having reasonnable expectation. But our expectations should never be set by comparing to other kids, because they all are differents. Of course, the comparison can be helpfull to finding abnormalities (don't know if this word is the right one to use, sorry).

[Inspired by Reggio]

Respectfull discussion is healthy!.

Could not agree more ... I love me good debate on philosophical practices!

I respect that it is very hard to find that balance between supporting positive social emotional development in children - we want to respect and accept their feelings cause they are entitled to have them and we do not want to teach children to 'bury' those like many of us were taught back in the day with messages like 'boys dont cry be a man' and so forth.

We also want to do that while supporting the development of socially acceptable conflict resolution skills and resilience in children ... that message that oh yes it is ok to cry when hurt / sad come here and let me give you a snuggle verses it is NOT ok to throw a tantrum because you did not get your own way or had to wait a moment for your needs to be met - I know your frustrated but lets use your WORDS to solve that problem - when your body is calm down and ready to TALK I can help you.

I have a two year old who is in that 'crying' over everything stage and whenever he starts I just say "Stop! I can see your getting frustrated - take a big deep breath and try again cause I know you can do it - and crying will not ...." get your shoe on/off, will not get that puzzle piece into the puzzle or whatever is causing the start of the tantrum behaviour ... it is working wonders here and if mom and dad could get on the same page it would work at home too - however they still buy into it at pick up and 'bribe' him to stop and well hey if a tantrum will get you a Timmies donut eventually or a trip to the store for a new dinky car why wouldn't you throw one

[Mamma_Mia]

well hey if a tantrum will get you a Timmies donut eventually or a trip to the store for a new dinky car why wouldn't you throw one

haha so true!
in that case waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I want a starbucks-tall-vanilla-late-140-degrees-two-sugars-chocolate-shakes-on-top-coffee now!!! ((is it coming?))

[Momof4]

Just out of curiosity, what could the parents do to help if her behavior was not like this at home?
Thanks in advance!

In my experience, the children are the same at home and daycare or even better behaved at daycare. Why? Because they cannot manipulate us the way they can wrap their parents around their cute little fingers.

We expect and demand good behaviour from all the children at the same time because if we don't it would be chaos. And we've all experienced chaos at one time or another while transitioning or going through a particularly difficult phase with a little one.

So when I see a behavioural issue happening I ask the parents if they are seeing the same thing at home. Usually they say, oh yeah, he/she has been doing that lately! Then I ask them how they are handling it at home. Usually they haven't been doing anything because they are all first time parents and still learning and need a tiny bit of guidance from someone with a whole lot more experience - me! Then I tell them how I am handling the issue at daycare and stress that it is not their parenting, but something that the child is just trying out as they grow and learn and stress even more that we must take charge and help the child learn good behaviour.