Who would Terminate if this didn't improve?

[Cadillac]

I've mentioned this family a few times. It's the flopper, and the late payment (By the way they paid me first thing this morning, AWESOME!

In the last few months I've also come to my wits with her behavior during the day. She's Three, and she's a crier!

When she first came into care I worked really hard to curb the behaviour. She stopped crying when she had to go pee, wanted a drink, when I said no, and so on.

Last few months I've seen some SERIOUS regression. She's disrupting the program with serious silliness or . . . of course . . . crying. She cries over snack, activities (which she used to LOOOOOOVE!), lunch, nap, afternoon activities, going to the park, leaving the park. MY GOD!

My program is suffering immensely. With four 2 year olds it's important to keep their attention to complete an educational, or even just a fun, activity. Nothing is being completed anymore because of this girls behavior.

I've asked for a meting with the parents

Who would term if this didn't improve?

Am I just being snooty? Expecting too much since my other children are angels?

[fruitloop]

I would...and have but with a mutual agreement from the parents. Her parents didn't want her in a place that she didn't seem happy and I didn't want an unhappy child here. My situation was a bit different though...she was fine and happy and then over the summer break with her teacher mom, her transition back into daycare didn't go very well. There were a lot of changes when she came back. All the older kids were gone and new babies replaced them and she was now 1 of the oldest. It was a lot for her to take in and she spent a lot of time wanting to just be alone and cried a lot. The parents and I talked about it and they decided to move her somewhere with older kids.

[Cadillac]

I was playing with the idea that she's not that happy here. She's happy when she's doing what SHE wants, and only then. I know the rules are gray at her house. I think that she may be happier where she gets to just play all day. I worry about her transition to kindergarten as she is not close to knowing what she needs to. But . . . I'm not her parent. I can't keep her just so I KNOW she'll be ready for school.

[Sandbox Sally]

Flex, I had a 2.5 yo like this. She was miserable here. She would sit on my couch, and if we did any kind of transition, she'd melt down. I ended up having a very frank discussion with her parents, and they voluntarily decided to withdraw her to try a half day preschool instead. I am sure her parents don't want your little one to be upset every day either. I think being honest and open with them about what you're seeing every single day will make them act on her behalf and withdraw her from your day home. Sometimes, no matter what we do, or how engaged we have them, some kids just aren't going to mesh.

[Cadillac]

You're right. It sucks though. Hurts my heart.

She's happy when she gets to do whatever she wants ie. free time, outing, nap time.

I've sent the parents an email. I think I've done all I can.

*owwwwwwww my heart!*

[Sandbox Sally]

I understand. I miss Z too, but not as much as I missed my peaceful daycare, and my SANITY.

[Momof4]

I have to agree that a girl that age shouldn't behave that way and if the parents aren't working with you it's hopeless. That is my unwritten rule for my daycare but I do mention it to parents at the interview. I will go through ANYTHING and have, as long as the parents are working hard to improve any issue that arises. If not, I have terminated 2X in the past because of that, but have also continued with 2 other difficult children who came around quickly with their parent's wonderful help.

[playfelt]

I have a three year old crier that comes two days a week. She was full time last year - dad's a teacher and mom started mat leave in the spring but child finished out the school year. In theory she was to come part time in the summer but that only ended up being a few days here and there - mostly days baby had a doctor's check up or they wanted to get something done - mom found it very difficult to handle both kids so if dad was going somewhere child came to me while I handled all my daycare kids. Then late Sept I got a call from them asking if I could take her a couple days a week just to get her back into routine of the kids - she expected mom to be her playmate and mom was tired of obliging. Child cries if the tv is turned off, cries if it is not on when she gets here, cries if she needs to pee - glad to hear this isn't unique cause this is the first one for me, cries if I say it is time to do anything, cries if she wants something which means she gets ignored, and in between all that just pouts and blubbers. But she is that way at home too if she isnt' getting her own way which is why the parents sent her back to me. At first they never admitted this but over the next few months of me mentioning how out of control the crying had been they were honest. She is only two days a week and I am trying to hang in there till June and dad is done school again. But I am going to suggest that come Sept they put her into preschool because she will start school the following year and is not ready emotionally/socially at all. Summer I haven't decided yet - depends on when my current leaving for school leave and new babies start - they can cry but she is not coming here every day just to blubber no thanks.

[Inspired by Reggio]

I agree - I am a pretty patient and tolerant person and willing to work with children through the 'normal stages of development' to help them learn the skills and strategies needed to thrive ... but a child who has NEGATIVE BEHAVIOR because it is being tolerated in some aspect of her life - well if we are not all on the same page it will NEVER get better and I know that from experience sadly!

I have made this mistake myself with a family who I preserved through because I thought it was the professional thing to do - the kid is not a danger to anyone else just a DRAMA QUEEN with some seriously negative attitude and control issues - and while I do bring up the issues with the child's behaviour when it arises, and gently educate that the 'cause' might be XYZ and we need to shore up that consistency and so forth the parents just do not SEE that it is their lack of consistency, not saying what they mean - aka empty threats to try to get her to behave and than rewarding her negative behaviour by caving and giving her what she wanted in the first that is actually resulting in this child's challenging behaviour - and while 4 days out of 5 the child will 'manage' here fine outside of drop of and pick up when I have to listen to the mother parent the challenge is that when she is not managing it is HELL cause her tantrums are extreme and well she is turning SIX shortly so bigger and stronger and I wish in hindsight I had terminated a long time ago but kept falling for that 'provider guilt' of while at least in program she is getting some consistency and learning some skills and strategies to be a 'positive person' cause I know that no other program would take her - however she is almost ready to naturally graduate out of my program and it just seems 'easier' to count down those days than to go through the conflict of terminating cause I know from the perspective of the parent it will be a 'but she has been like this for years why is it suddenly a problem NOW' kinda argument

If you are seeing issues at the START of a daycare relationship I would be nipping them in the bud with a' time line' for improvement otherwise ya before you know it 5 years have past and you have 20 new grey hairs

[Cadillac]

Playfelt - OMG! You try and try and try and then you have a good day and you praise more than you've praised any child in your life.

I love these parents but they are definitely the 'hippie' sort. They've been honest that mom gives in and dad is the disciplinarian (Dad's discipline leaves something to be desired) The other day dad told me that they don't take anything of her 's***' anymore and haven't for a while. but if they didn't . . . . things would be different by now.

I think I would have an easier time letting go if it didn't mean that my other 3 year old girl was left without a playmate. It SOOOOO hard to find kids that age and I'm so big on everyone having a friend their own age. Poor thing would be left with nothing but 2 year olds to play with. NO FUN!