I am not sure what to think. Sorry for the long post, but please help.

[playfelt]

If a parent asked you what you meant by challenging and you started rhyming off a list : well lets see he put the truck on the shelf when I asked him to put it by the closet and then the one of the little ones came around the corner and tripped on it which is why I insist the trucks go on the shelf, I called him for lunch and he said just a minute but then got upset because I went ahead and served everyone else and then got upset because he was the last one to finish eating so the last one to move onto to the next course of food, he didnt' want to listen to the story I had chosen for the day and wanted his choice which I promised to read after naptime when we did storytime again but for this morning we needed to read the story that went with the theme for the week, .......I think you get my drift here. Yes the poor caregiver was being accosted at every stage of the day. Nothing major just annoying stuff. With time the child will learn the routine and what to expect when and problem will be solved but till then every time this child opens his mouth to say something it is going to be taken the wrong way since three year olds don't phrase their intentions tactfully most of the time.

There is also something to be said for letting the child fight his own battles so while he needs to know that mom will support him he also needs to learn that she will support the caregiver too and not reward him for misbehaviour. Three year olds can be very outspoken and cheeky and do not like it when we refuse to be spoken to in that way. Just be careful you are not encouraging this kind of independent thinking and talking at home without teaching him that there is a time and place for that and a time and place for acceptance/obedience/remembering his place in the people chain.

[gcj]

couldn't agree more Inspired By Regio...about children being with their parents whenever possible. Sounds like it is possible!

[Emily3]

I totally agree with everything you have said playfelt!!! My reason for suggesting op pull her child out was that it "seemed" like the provider was not interested in trying to work it out and that she would give it until the end of the month to sort itself out. Certainly a list of all wrong- doings is not necessarily helpful. We all know children can be difficult but I would hope that the person taking care of my child would put some effort into making things work and obviously want me to work together with her! Of course, it's impossible to tell since we are not the provider....that was just my impression!

[parentof1]

In the daycare that I work @ now it is one room with infants only...so bringing him would not be an option. And as much as I want to be home with him, and and allow him to thrive. We just can't do it right now. I would love to open a daycare, but we rent and our super's would not allow that, I asked...Plus there is a space issue here. We live in a tiny space.

I said he was challenging because I was trying to be fair in what I posted....

I don't want it to be mis understood--he does know how to follow rules and respect is key for us. Further is 5 days really enough time to be making judgements about how "challenging" he is?

I also did not want to leave out the feedback that previous dayhomes gave because I believe in being fair and honest. They also stated once the transition period (about three weeks had passed that he was a great child and a good helper. One thing I'vee noticed about him is that he needs to be needed. He wants to help with tasks... and I told his new dayhome this and they aren't interested in hearing about anything that will help....they are more interested in making me/him feel bad...IMHO.

[Lou]

I would absolutely NOT be comfortable leaving my child in the care of someone who can only seem to find negative things to say about my child or dares to roll their eyes at me for asking about his day. Those are red flags for me enough (it's only been 5 days for Pete's sake!), let alone picking my child up in urine soaked pants because she couldn't be bothered to change him. Just my opinion as a mother and a caregiver.

[playfelt]

I fyou read through the threads on this group there are numerous threads about releasing a child that isnt' settling into care and it is still in the two week integration period so lets be fair here caregivers - many of you would be wanting to terminate too rather than work through the problems.

Intimidation is one issue that you might want to take into consideration. You do work in a daycare centre and you do have ECE training. To some caregivers that makes them very nervous. The rolling of the eyes may be more out of embarassment, feeling vulnerable - rolling the eyes or looking away as in not directly at you - could be open to interpretation.

Some parent suggestions aren't helpful. Likes to help fine but if he is still learning his helping may not be helpful and especially if he has ever said to the caregiver well my "other" caregiver never did that or put that there or whatever. Not sure how long the caregiver has been in business or how much experience with three year olds. Mostly I would just remind them in not always my nicest tone that I am not XXXX and this is not XXXX daycare and at my house we do things this way and then from that point on child would be reminded of the different way to do things - not wrong just different. No one learns any routine in 5 days.

At the same time I think you have made up your mind that this is not working and the caregiver has given you to the end of the month to find someone else. I am going to assume this was not the only caregiver you interviewed when you were looking so start by going back to those you have already interviewed to see if they still have spaces. Just approach the new situation from a different angle. This is not your old caregiver and the old ways and have a talk with your son about that before he starts and what things he can do to help such as asking the caregiver for clarification or asking do you want me to do this or this or following the lead of the other children already there since they have learned the rules and they will help teach him - especially if he is the oldest in the group and thinks that means he gets to take over. Preparing your son for the changes will go a long way to making the next arrangement work out better.

[michellesmunchkins]

I agree with those who have posted that there needs to be time for a child and daycare provider to build up a rapport. I would hate for my families to ever feel that they should pull their child out of care. I am very honest with my families if I feel something is wrong, not working etc. WE have to work together! If the parents aren't helping me then I can't fix the problem and vice versa. A 3 year old boy can be very challenging. I have a 5 year old son who has put us through the ringer in the last 2 years with behaviours lol...but...I work with him everyday and I would hope that if he was in daycare the provider would work with him as well.

My issue and why I said to pull him is in no way 'knocking' daycare providers because I am one, but if someone was rolling their eyes at me while discussing my child I would be p'd off!!! That just shows disrespect in my opinion. I would never disrespect a parent that way. I also can't imagine leaving a child in urine soaked clothes. I am for sure the tough love kinda person, but that just goes beyond. There has to be some way to get through to him to change his clothes. For sure, he was probably stubborn and trying to push to see how far he can go in a new environment. WE've all had kids like that...but...we also have numerous ways to try to break through that stubborness.

As a provider I will bend over backwards to help a new little one and their family transition and would hope that parents would give me the benefit of the doubt that I will work with them and their child...but....as a Mommy, I'm sorry what you posted just concerned me and if it was my baby boy I would move him...

[playfelt]

On the issue of the soaked clothes - if you wrestle your own tantruming three year old to the ground and get the clothes off nothing happens. If you do that to a daycare chil dthey are verbal enough to go home and tell the parents who are not going to take the side of the caregiver and tell the child they should have listened and done as they were told they will be pulling the child, filing abuse charges, etc. Just for curiosity for those that work in a daycare centre what is the policy on touching and making a three year old do anything they don't want to do - can you take their arm and redirect them, pick them up and carry them to the intended place, can you wrestle them out of wet clothing, I doubt it. The caregiver protected her butt by leaving the child in wet clothes and we would all be wise to do the same thing next time it happens in our daycare. Do not touch the three year old.

[michellesmunchkins]

I absolutely agree with Playfelt about NEVER EVER TOUCHING a child! I would not have wrestled him out of his clothes, nor would I have even helped him out of them unless he was stuck or something as a child that age is more than able to do it themselves (unless they have special needs) I would have verbally exhausted anything I could think of to have him change. I agree that we have to do what is safest and cover our own butts in the process because like playfelt said if that child went home and said so and so held me down to change my clothes the parent would always side with the child regardless of the situation.

[Crayola kiddies]

Props playfelt !!!!