I am not sure what to think. Sorry for the long post, but please help.

[Cocoon]

"he needs to be needed. He wants to help with tasks... " Ditto! At this age they want to do stuff by themselves and help! I used to looked after a challenging 3 years old when I was nannying. What I did was asked his "help" all the time. "J I can't find my bag, J I can't find my keys etc" My bag or keys were right in front of me and when he came and "found" them he was sooo please. Cause he found them. It gave him great pleasure and laughter. The word "help" was a magic word for me

It is OK. to have accidents and it is OK. for him to not to let his caregiver to change him. He probably was embarrassed. Poor thing. She should have give him the chance to change himself rather then her changing him. He doesn't know her to let her change him and there is no bound establish yet. She should know this if she was an experienced caregiver and respect his privacy.

Parentof1, where do you live? Maybe some of us here might be able to help.

Cocoon

[Momof4]

My issue isn't that he is having trouble...it's that the caregiver is rude and refuses to give feedback. Oh, and that a 3 year old was left in a pair of urine soaked pants. Um...no.

I have to agree with Alpha. The eye roll and vague answers from the caregiver were very inappropriate. When I have a problem with a child I'm telling the parent specifically, exactly what we need to work on to improve behaviour. Sure, the original poster could give the current caregiver another chance, but demand that she explain EXACTLY what is happening and her plan to correct the situation.

I admit that if I had a parent who didn't agree with my methods I would want them to ask me direct questions, but I would definitely give them direct answers, not an eye roll.

[parentof1]

UPDATE: I just got off the phone with a daycare provider and she seems to be a much better fit. We are meeting with her once my husband gets back from his business trip on the 24th. She said that she understood my son's needs, we had a 45 min conversation about some of the issues my boy and I are facing right now. and she said that she has been doing home daycare for 16 years since she was 23, and would never leave him in wet clothes for an extended period (Meaning she has tried to change him several times). Even if it meant calling me because he refused to change.

This dayhome that my boy is in right now just opened, and I suspect the girls are a bit green. And have no idea how to address this type of thing even if I am not an ECE.

The daycare lady on the phone stated that she always has serious discussions about behavior in person and in no other way, minor things are sent in an email. That she always has examples, and I liked this.

She is also in the same area of his preschool that he is starting next year and if he is still in her care at that point she is willing to take him there, at no extra cost because she has befoore and after school kids already, and plans to con't with that.

[Cocoon]

Glad you found seem to be a better fit.

[Momof4]

Oh good luck parentof1! I emailed my newest daycare Mom almost daily because I was having picky eating and some other issues with her daughter and she appreciated it so much. It was no problem for me to sit down as the children were falling asleep and send off a quick email to tell her how our day was going and to ask a few quick questions. It eased her mind so much and made her feel like she was still a part of her daughter's transition into the daycare and now she loves me so much, haha.

I have a feeling you need a caregiver who will be wonderful to your son and to you now that you've had a few bad experiences because you are going to need to build a trust with the daycare provider. Don't be afraid to ask questions because your son is the most precious thing in your life and you have a right to be confident with your caregiver.

[parentof1]

How to say I am done?

Question: I am going to terminate care before she does regardless of how this intrerview goes. I just need next week, because there is no cover off for me. and I don't have relitives here or sick days or anything that I could use..... sadly.

How to tell her CYA?

[Play and Learn]

How to say I am done?

Question: I am going to terminate care before she does regardless of how this intrerview goes. I just need next week, because there is no cover off for me. and I don't have relitives here or sick days or anything that I could use..... sadly.

How to tell her CYA?

I would just say at drop-off on Monday that your child's last day of care will be until Friday. She doesn't NEED to know why you're leaving. Just be nice and civil about it.

Good luck!

[Inspired by Reggio]

I also agree that there are lots of threads on here that advice providers to 'terminate' a client during that transition phase however from the ones I have read the provider tends to offer us more information than the kid was 'just challenging' .... generally it is because the child is a danger to themselves or others in some way ... hitting, biting or aggressive in some manner to the others in the program or the poor thing is screaming ALL DAY LONG with no improvement being seen - or the client is just showing red flags of disrespect to the provider around hours, fees, and contract stuff and better to nip that in the bud early!

The truth is we do not have all the 'facts' cause we are not there all we can do is offer advice based on the info provided ... everything shared in the original post is a red flag to me .... poor communication skills, lack of desire to WORK WITH the parent in a concrete manner to help the child with the transition and well disrespect on a number of levels from the rolled eyes and the leaving a child 'soiled' on purpose ... while I normally am one to give people the benefit of the doubt the LAST one is a real deal break for me!

If the original poster arrived and her child was engaged in play and he had an accident and not told the provider and she had not NOTICED and quickly apologized saying 'oh no - I am so sorry he must have just done that and not told me - I will grab his clothes for him' that would be one thing - I admit I have had that happen to me more than once and never had a parent 'angry' over it because it was clear it had JUST happened cause it is usually still warm and so forth - this was not the case from what the poster shared.

If she came in and found her child in wet cloths with DRY ONES, WET WIPES AND A PLASTIC BAG sitting right beside him there as an option to clean up and her child was 'defiant / refusing' to allow her to help him change or to change himself that would be one thing - that would be one thing - but from what the poster shared this was not the case!

BTW I agree I would not WRESTLE a three year old to change their clothes either they are perfectly capable of doing that themselves - but everything they would NEED to do it themselves would be sitting right there beside them while they 'waited to decide to take care of it themselves'. I have had this happen to me as well with my one strong willed kid ... so am confident if a client of mine walked into that situation they would be able to SEE in 10 seconds that it was the child choosing not to allow for my help and choosing to stay in the wet pants out of defiance ... my same strong willed one who is now 5 years old and fully trained still refused to change her pants for me just Tuesday cause they needed to be changed - she was angry because the new ones did not 'match' her top - since not changing was not an option for her she got the choice to change now or go sit in her cot until she 'was ready to change them' but either way they were being changed eventually or she could sit until it was time to go home ... she missed lunch and took the entire nap time of the younger kids sitting there defiantly refusing - no skin off my back cause it meant I got more stuff done without her up doing quiet things - and a natural consequence for her defiance - she finally dressed when she heard the others up having fun without her

[parentof1]

let me tell you if I arrived and my boy was engaged and peed, and I saw this...I would help her clean up, clean him up say sorry and leave.

[Inspired by Reggio]

How to say I am done?

Question: I am going to terminate care before she does regardless of how this intrerview goes. I just need next week, because there is no cover off for me. and I don't have relitives here or sick days or anything that I could use..... sadly.

How to tell her CYA?

If you are required to give 'notice' as per any contract I would do that - as Play and Learn suggested just something plain and simple 'As per our contract X's last day of care will be Friday March 23rd"

I had wondered if she was 'green' cause communication skills and conflict resolution are something you have to master QUICK if you want to last long enough in this business to become 'seasoned'