"he needs to be needed. He wants to help with tasks... " Ditto! At this age they want to do stuff by themselves and help! I used to looked after a challenging 3 years old when I was nannying. What I did was asked his "help" all the time. "J I can't find my bag, J I can't find my keys etc" My bag or keys were right in front of me and when he came and "found" them he was sooo please. Cause he found them. It gave him great pleasure and laughter. The word "help" was a magic word for me

It is OK. to have accidents and it is OK. for him to not to let his caregiver to change him. He probably was embarrassed. Poor thing. She should have give him the chance to change himself rather then her changing him. He doesn't know her to let her change him and there is no bound establish yet. She should know this if she was an experienced caregiver and respect his privacy.

Parentof1, where do you live? Maybe some of us here might be able to help.

Cocoon