As a Mom...go with your gut!!! Yes all kids even the older ones have a transition period but as a daycare provider I would NEVER roll my eyes at a parent when describing their child, that's just rude! As a daycare provider if I feel a child has been inappropriate and unacceptable to the point that I need to tell the parent I ALWAYS give them examples of what happened (ex. Child X smashed his plate on the floor in anger today etc.) You can't help if you don't know what he is doing.

As for the wet clothes...its her JOB to make sure he is safe, secure and clean/dry!!! Even if it means having a 'battle' so to say with the child I would have changed his clothes. Sure he can be independent and what to do everything himself, but there will be times when the provider needs to step in and do her job. For me, as a provider praise and rewards work way better than consequences (ex Child X if you come change your wet clothes we'll be able to do xyz activity or play outside etc.)

As a Mom..my 3 year old daughter was abused in a wee watch home daycare and I went with my gut. She was such an outgoing little girl until she went to this one particular daycare. She totally introverted in just 2 weeks and the provider used to always tell me similar things like she refused to eat or she refused to do such and such. She was 3 at the time too. If it was me, I would pull my child for sure...doesn't sound like this provider respects you or your child very much. Just my opinion....