Attachment

[Playkids]

Help! I normally think of myself as a patient caregiver but I have recently started caring for a 10 month old that cries constantly if I am not holding him. The parents also have this issue at home and I'm starting to wonder if I should end this relationship even though it is casual care. Any tips?

[michellesmunchkins]

Casual care/part time care takes WAY longer for the little one to adjust I have found. I had one little girl who took 6 months to finally stop the non-stop crying as she was only 1-2 days a week. Once she adjusted though she is a wonderful little girl. I thought countless times of terminating the family and now I'm so glad that I didn't.

For me, I'm more of a tough love kinda person. I do pick them up and hold them, but certainly not all the time. I reassure and have them sit close to me, I talk to them all the time and constantly say things like: your ok, I'm right here etc etc. I encourage them to play with the toys. I will hold their little hands while we are playing for a while too so that they feel safe and secure. If the parents begin to do this at home too eventually it will get less and less each day.

A few of the ladies on here 'babywear' and that seems to really help in their daycares too so maybe someone will post how that all works (since I don't do it). Hang in there, it gets better!

[Sandbox Sally]

Sometimes, leaving an insecure little one to cry on the floor when they want/need to be held can backfire. Sometimes it can breach a trust that you're trying to establish. I do babywearing, and it has worked very well so far. The little one doesn't know you, has been plunked into your home away from the only security he or she knows. Some children are able to adjust to this, but just as many cannot. I find that babywearing creates a trust with the baby, and with this trust, the newbie will more quickly feel secure and cared for, thereby lessening adjustment times.

Just my .02

[Inspired by Reggio]

I am transitioning in one like that at the moment as well - like Michelle I also do the weaning back ... First couple weeks held him LOTS to get him feeling secure reassured verbally when I had no choice but to put him down ... Slowly hold him less and less as he plays more and more ... It's been a month and be comes in happy now and plays great as long as I am in sight but lord help me if I walk out the room to grab something in kit hen or a diaper for someone and am gone for a second and he notices - you'd thnk toe nails were being pulled...but it is slowly getting better cause that was the noise initially did not matter if I held him or not those first hours but he is getting there!

[Mamma_Mia]

I haven't had to deal with it myself (yet) but I'm a tough love kinda person too. I mean I'd hold you but if I have to prep food, change another diaper then if you're crying then.....you're crying. At my weekly playgroup there is a 13mos old like this. His mother babywears him at home not to deal with the crying but the provider has 4 other under 3.5yrs old.....she can't hold him all day. So us other ladies take turns during the playdate taking him to the other end of the room....distracting with a toy and go back to our area....all while his dcp is hiding from his sight. It's strting to go on 2hrs before he notices he hasn't been in her arms and freaks! LOL it's getting much better though.....and this has been a battle since he was 10mos old!

Hang in there is all I've got for you ((hugs))

[jec]

I had a parent babywear their little one all the time as she couldn't deal with his crying. As a mom, I understand that it's tough but at the same time ~ these little ones need to learn how to self soothe as there isn't going to always be someone there to carry him around. This mom would carry him around to fall asleep too!
I agree with Alphagetti that you don't want to leave them for too long as your trying to get the little one to trust you..having said that I am a tough love type of person too. I always reassure the little one that I'm here for them by having them sit with me and rub their backs and I for sure give lots of cuddles but no babywear for this provider. Some providers swear by it and it's all about what your comfortable with really.
Some little ones take longer than others to adjust. You just have to know your own breaking point and what your able to take. It can get really tough listening to a little one cry. I'm not sure how long this little one has been with you. Casual care can take longer to adjust too
Good luck!

[Sandbox Sally]

I disagree that babies "need to learn" to self soothe. Babies need their emotional well being taken care of as much as their physical well being, so that they can be detached creatures as they mature. When you ignore a baby's cries, whether it's with leaving them to self soothe on the floor or in their cribs, you are teaching them to give up, not to be independent. This is where my child care philosophies differ from the mainstream, and I understand this completely. As caregivers to multiple small children, we cannot always meet all these emotional needs, but we can certainly try if we want to.

I am not saying anyone is wrong for leaving an infant to cry, I just don't happen to subscribe to the whole "spoiling" point of view when it comes to babies. It's also true that I might not always be able to babywear multiple children, but I try to tailor my business around my own childrearing beliefs, and if a baby wants to be held, I will hold them, every time. I normally wouldn't accept two small children at once, thereby eliminating or reducing the risk that two babies would need me this much at one time as a childcare provider. I can do one baby at a time, though! I am able to do this by using various baby carriers, which allow me to fix snack, read stories, push a swing, all while "holding" the baby in need.

[jec]

You need to find out what your comfort level is playkids ~ great view points from all.

As a mom first, I don't and couldn't let a child cry if she or he is really upset and needs you for that extra cuddle. Yes, we need to take care of the emotional well being is really important to help them feel safe and secure. Once I get to know the little one, I feel there is a difference between a cry of upset and a cry of I just want to be picked up.

[Inspired by Reggio]

I agree Alphaghetti ... I cannot do the crying either not with a 'wee one' - now a tantruming angry toddler who thinks they 'need' a donut in between meal times and is ticked cause they got a no that is something totally different .... but infants without language have no other way to communicate than CRYING and infants do not have the cognitive ability to 'manipulate' us

I have 'wore' children in my daycare only cause I needed my hands and the child needed that comfort in the beginning but eventually my goal is to have them be 'independent and resilient' and we get there - and without my poor soul being broken or theirs from listening to them 'cry'

[Momof4]

I'm somewhere in the middle I think. I do agree that a part-timer takes so much longer to transition and it can be difficult no matter what the age. I usually have children start with me at about age 10-11 months and I hold them a lot in the first few months for bonding purposes.

Once a child reaches 1 year of age I want them to learn quickly that they will only be picked up when they are in need and not just because they are crying for no reason at all. I always ask the parents to do that at home too. At naptime I sing to them, rub their backs, but make it clear that they must learn to lay down and rest for the entire quiet time. I haven't had a difficult time with naptime really, thank goodness. But I have had children cry and scream for many months for no reason instead of happily playing with the others.