New DCK - At a loss...advice?

[Sandbox Sally]

So little Miss. C has been with me since last Tuesday, making this her 5th day here. She cries constantly. She is just 12 months old. To make matters even worse, she cries even when held! As I have mentioned in earlier discussions, I am more than willing to hold/sling a child who needs it, but what to do when this makes no difference? She pushes me away. In the wrap, she pushes away from me so far that I have to hold her so she doesn't flip over!

It's almost as though crying is a natural state of being for her. She cries while playing and she cries while eating. Nap time has been a complete nightmare. I try to rock her or bounce her to sleep, but no dice. She quite literally pushes away from me. I have resorted to sitting beside the pack n play while she cries. Today she has napped for a grand total of twenty minutes. I have NEVER seen a child like this before. Even the most stubborn of one year olds will pass out after a good crying jag. My son was a very "high needs" baby, and even he would be calmed when I held him. I have tried music, motion, feeding, chatting...you name it.

My house is loud and unpleasant, and my nerves are frazzled. I am getting a headache.

[Lou]

Poor you (((HUGS))), I would just keep at it...it's good that she's full time because she will adjust faster than every other day or otherwise. I find (especially with babies/toddlers) that it takes a good 4 weeks before they are perfectly comfortable. She WILL get there, it's just a daunting/frustratng process. Hang in there, you're doing great!!!!!!!!!!

[Sandbox Sally]

Thanks Lisa! I honestly truly and seriously cannot imagine going through this every day for two more weeks! lol

Anyone have any tricks that they're willing to give up?

[Lou]

I'm not sure what your stance is on this...and I'm ducking in advance for the rocks that may be thrown at me for this suggestion but have you tried TV/Videos? Maybe throw on a baby eistein vid when/if you start to get frustrated? It can't hurt if it helps her to relax, and gives everyone else a break from the noise. I had a 2 yrs old start in October and there were always tears throughout the day at first, especially at drop off...I started putting on a Barney movie at drop off and it helped her transition SO much!

[sunnydays]

Sending strength your way! It's so tough with a crier like that! My only advice is to just do some visualization to calm your nerves and let her cry. Sometimes I imagine I am on a beach and the crying is actually the sound of waves crashing on the shore...corny I know, but it helps to get through it I have had one year olds cry for the entire naptime for a week or two before they start sleeping...I thought the same as you, he must be tired, why isn't he passing out? Some of them are tough! Since the rocking and holding isn't helping, I wouldn't bother with it. Just stick with your routine and hope that she gets the hang of it soon and starts feeling more secure. What do the parents say about it? Do they hold her a lot and rock her to sleep or do they put her down awake?

[Inspired by Reggio]

Hugs to start ... other than what you are already doing - I SING to calm my own nerves and it generally serves to calm theirs as well - I will also 'swaddle' a screaming/sad child and than either put them in the wrap/sling if I need my hands free or hold them so they cannot 'slap' at me while I sing and sooth and remind them they are SAFE ... I find that swaddling also helps them to 'calm' cause it mimics that being back in the womb sense of safety. I also go for LOTS of walks when I have a newbie cause the stroller seems to really help 'soothe' them and if not the wind carries away that stressful crying.

If nothing is working - is it possible she is in pain? I ask cause I had a newbie who started several weeks ago and his crying was getting 'worse' instead of better after the first few days and than he spiked a fever and turned out he had ear infections in both ears....once that was treated he started making positive progress again and than decided to get some teeth

I have also had infants in care who cried ALL THE TIME who turned out to have a food intolerance to dairy and were in pain from trying to digest their bottles / food and when they eliminated the dairy source - happy well adjusted child emerged with just the 'normal' amount of crying for an infant.

[Dayhome Mamma]

I hear you Alphaghetti! I just had two munchkins start this March and one of them I am a bit worried about. He is the youngest, 11mths, but boy does he know how to scream and seems very bossy! (Who would have thought this young!)I hope this will change because the mom is so so nice to work with. And my other little one, she started in January, she's a screamer too! She got better for a while because i would just use my firmer "mommy voice" to say no, we don't scream here. There is no need. Nothing bad is happening. I am just going to get the snacks ready, etc....but then she's been away for a week because she had croup, and today she is back and all the progress went down the drain! She used to scream when I went from one end of the room to another. So at least its not back that far I guess! She's a screamer in the stroller too though! Cause she is used to her daddy carrying her on their walks while he faces her and talks to her the whole time!!!!

[mom-in-alberta]

Oh, Alpha... so sorry to hear.
Like the others said, is there any way to keep her "busy" by going for walks, etc? Even if she shrieks the whole time, at least you'll be out of the house and it might be easier to deal with?
I know that you practice attachment parenting and caregiving. But if you walk away, just for a few minutes to give yourself some breathing room, maybe it will be easier to come back to and deal with. I don't mean leave her to cry for hours. But if it's naptime, go to the kitchen and get yourself a cup of coffee or something. You need to recharge, too. Then you can give her some more time and attention, and be better for it.
I dunno, other than time and patience. But we are all hoping this gets better for you, and QUICKLY!!

[Momof4]

Oh no Alpha, hold onto your sanity sweetie! I've been in those shoes with a little girl who started at 10 months old and screamed and made herself vomit and she screamed for 7 months! She's been with me for 3 years now and once we got her through her horrible phase she turned into the most wonderful little girl and gets better every year. I wondered if she was in pain all the time but she isn't allergic to anything.

Then I had a little boy start with me last Nov. and he screamed for 4 months and I thought from the beginning that he seemed like he was in pain, but a good experienced friend of mine wondered about a milk allergy. He DOES have a milk allergy and now that the parents finally took my suggestion to try to take him off milk he is a very happy little boy.

[jec]

Yikes ~ that is so tough. Hang in there!!
Does the little one have a routine at home? I had a little one just scream non stop and even bummed her way to the front door to see out my front window to see when Mom was coming back to get her!! She did the same to me, upset all the time. Nap time was horrible until another provider told me about swaddling and it worked on this little one and she did end up sleeping (thank goodness) and her Mom started doing it at home too!
Turns out that Mom had her on no schedule at home ~ napped when ever, bed time wasn't constant. Also..her feet hardly ever touched the ground and the separation from Mom was too much for this little one.

Is the little one in your care prepared and ready for daycare?