Conflicting Beliefs/Opinions

[Sandbox Sally]

edited for peace of mind

[Dreamalittledream]

Wow, for sure two weeks of her crying it out should have gotten the message through to the child that she must sleep! Do they nap her at home? Same routine as you? I know with the 14 month old that I have (have had her since Jan) it was a struggle...bottle to bed, exactly warm enough (aargh) and as well, I had to let her cry it out & not check on her until I knew she was asleep (God bless Visual monitors) or the crying jag would start all over again. It was a challenge, but she got it within the first week. I also found that if I didn't nap her for an hour in the am. As well and tried to delay it to everyone else's time in the aft., she was way overtired and an even more challenge by 12:30p. My other challenge is a 2 year old I have that has to have a bottle of milk, a white noise sound machine going and total dark room...sheesh! You've certainly given it a good try and would not feel bad terminating because things just aren't working out.

[sunnydays]

You need and deserve your break. I don't think this can go on as it is as you will burn out or melt down or both Did you discuss napping during the interview at all (I am also making notes for myself as it is something I discuss in the itnerview, but not in detail and now I am thinking perhaps in detail is better so everyone is on the same page). It sounds like you have conflicting parenting/caregiving styles and that is the main problem. If the child is used to crying it out, that may well be the only way you are going to get her to sleep. I understand your feelings as I never really did it with my own kids (although I sometimes did if they were having trouble going down and overtired, but even then it was after around the age of a year when I knew they understood better. And I hated it when people told me I should let them cry it out as I wasn't asking for advice! So, you may not like my advice, but I don't know what else to suggest. I would say if she wakes up early, go back and lay her down and tell her naptime isn't over yet, rub her back a little and leave and let her cry...go back and repeat every 5 min or so until she sleeps. I've had great success with this method with some little ones who won't nap for their parents, but will here now. Otherwise, you may have to terminate!

[Skysue]

I have a new family.This week will be their third. The child is a terrible napper. She's 13 months, and the most I've gotten from her is 35 minutes. It's mostly been about 20. I need my break...ugh.

Two things:

1. Her parents want me to let her cry it out. I hate it. I do it because they've asked me to, and they say it's the only way she will sleep, but I am nauseated by the whole process.

2. It's not working anyway. The other day, her mother said, "oh well, I guess that's just how she's going to nap for you". This is a problem for me. I seriously need quiet time to recharge, eat, clean up, and goof off on the internet. I NEED it.

3. So far, her screaming has interrupted the naps of other children seven times (not that I'm frustrated and counting every time it happens )

Advice? Is it time to think about termination? I can replace her, but is this unfair to her parents?
Is it fair to me to lose my break?

I had a little one last year with the same issues and it turns out the parents put him to bed at 5:30 pm and he woke at 6:30 am everyday no wonder he didn’t nap very long.

I’m just curious as to what are the parents doing? What is her exact nap schedule and routine for her at home?

Not to start a whole new post on your topic but I find parents these days don’t give a rats a$$ about if they sleep at daycare all they care about is there own quality time alone at home without there kids. If I worked all day and was away from my child for 9 hours you can bet I wouldn’t put them to bed right after dinner. My DD goes to bed at 9:30-10pm as we love out “family” time. I know I’m sure I’ll get a bad Mother post because of that!

[sunnydays]

Skysue, I am like you, my kids go to bed between 8 and 8:30 (they are 22 months and almost 4) because we like having time in the evening with them and I am with them all day too! I know most of my dck's go to bed way earlier...although for some of them it's because they are young and get tired by 7pm. I have encountered this attitude as well..."I don't care if she/he naps"...well I DO! However, I also have a pretty great group of parents at the moment who mostly seem to get that I need a break. It is for their child's well-being as well..a tired grumpy caregiver is not going to be able to keep going without losing patience.
By the way, Allpha, I also find that giving them a morning nap helps the afternoon naps go better...then they are not overtired. I have three 13-15 month olds and they all still morning nap..I hope to cut it soon as I would like to do more outings, but they seem to need it!

[Inspired by Reggio]

Oh getting kids on a healthy sleep pattern seems to be the bane of daycare providers existence lately .... either the parents want the nap eliminated way to early or the kid has never had a healthy sleep pattern or environment from the get go and so does not know 'how' to sleep anymore

I have had several infants in the past few years who are just well for a lack of a better word 'allergic' to the pack n play and had to skip that entirely ... they would not just learn to feel safe and fall asleep no matter what I tried ... rocking them before hand, patting bums while in it, leave and let em CIO nothing worked they would just scream and claw and get so worked up they would puke in there and weeks would go by and it would not be any better and I would have a few new grey hairs from the lack of BREAK and well listening to that during nap time and dealing with an exhausted house of children from the disrupted sleep time

My newest one I could get to fall asleep in there if I swaddled him and than wiggled the crib for a few minutes - he went to sleep EASY but he would only sleep 20 minutes in that thing and wake up screaming like you had pulled out toe nails and wake the whole house and not go back to sleep - I tried everything hoping to 'stretch' him to sleep the two hour time frame but aside from staying IN the room with him so when he woke up he did not get freaked out nothing worked and well I was not willing to be up in a bedroom for two hours and if I left him to CIO he would puke

So finally out of 'necessity' for my sanity to be able to get things done and the others in the house to be able to sleep too - I just let him sleep on the couch in my livingroom swaddled up so he cannot 'roll over' cause he is only 10 months old ... I put pillows around him and on the floor and the little bugger will sleep THREE HOURS there ... when he wakes mid sleep cycle and can 'see me' either at the laptop at the diningroom table or in the kitchen prepping snack - he falls right back to sleep but if he is 'alone' in a room upstairs his anxiety rises and he screams and wakes up the whole house!

This is the THIRD infant in 5 years I have had to do this with because they would NOT go into the pack and play and sleep properly ... it got worse and worse in there with the screaming longer and longer and harder and puking and so forth and just not worth the aggravation to try to make them do it when they can and will sleep in other options ... with the others I just put them straight onto a cot which is what I will do with this little one too but at the moment I have a full house of kids and do not have any extra cots to put him on so the couch will have to do!

[ladyjbug]

``The other day, her mother said, "oh well, I guess that's just how she's going to nap for you". This is a problem for me. I seriously need quiet time to recharge, eat, clean up, and goof off on the internet. I NEED it.``

Depending on how the mother said that above statement, I might consider replacing. Reason being, if the mother said it in a way that made it seem like I didn`t deserve a break in my ten hour day, which I need the way you have described it, I would look for a family that was willing to work to get their infant on my schedule ahead of time. Seems like the mom doesn`t care that your day is hard because of what may or may not be the schedule at home. Only you can decide what is too much, but weeks of non-stop naptime screaming would definitely get to me after a while.

2 weeks with no improvement sounds like a really hard transition. At this point I start thinking of what is best for me and the rest of the group. If this infant is affecting the quality of care for others in the daycare, then it might be time to look for a replacement. I would put it to the mom that way too, if you want to give her warning. Maybe she doesn`t care if it affects YOU, but if it is affecting other kids`care, then that is a serious problem.

[Sandbox Sally]

So finally out of 'necessity' for my sanity to be able to get things done and the others in the house to be able to sleep too - I just let him sleep on the couch in my livingroom swaddled up so he cannot 'roll over' cause he is only 10 months old ... I put pillows around him and on the floor and the little bugger will sleep THREE HOURS there ... when he wakes mid sleep cycle and can 'see me' either at the laptop at the diningroom table or in the kitchen prepping snack - he falls right back to sleep but if he is 'alone' in a room upstairs his anxiety rises and he screams and wakes up the whole house!

Hmm, worth a try. I normally spend a lot of my break time in my own room where my desktop pc is. Maybe I'll swaddle her and put her on my bed, staying in the room, and see how that works. Thanks for the tip!

[mom-in-alberta]

I completely agree with ladyjbug. The parents' reaction to this issue would be a challenge for me. If I have explained to you what the situation is, told you WHY I need things to be a certain way, and you shrug your shoulders at me and say "Oh well".... Hmmmmm.
I am not an advocate for "my way or the highway". I understand that not everyone is going to parent the way I do, or think the way I do. If I only worked with those that I COMPLETELY agreed with when it comes to methodology..... well, I would be empty, hahaha.
But it is important that you and the parents are working as a team, and that your core beliefs are the same. This may end up being a dealbreaker.

[Inspired by Reggio]

....But it is important that you and the parents are working as a team, and that your core beliefs are the same. This may end up being a dealbreaker.

I agree ... consistency for children is key and while there can be some 'differences' between home and program so that children learn about diversity the CORE things need to be consistent for a child to thrive ... SLEEP is definitely a CORE value ... same with approaches to EXPECTATIONS around FOOD and BEHAVIOR GUIDANCE....everythi ng else I can work around to some degree.