Screamer

[Littledragon]

Yes, I am still struggling with this screamer, but he's getting better - sort of.

I am having some issues with being too "hard" I think. When I get frustrated I stop caring about feelings. When this kid screams, I get so frustrated. It's like clanging symbols over my head. Sometimes he's screaming just to scream, I think but other times, he does it because he is seriously anxious. But it's not ok with me. There is absolutely NO reason to scream like that. I am trying to show him that it's ok to cry (I cuddle him, use a gentle voice) but that it is NOT ok to scream. If I'm cuddling him and he starts screaming, I put him in the corner. He's only a year old, do you think he understands? He stays in the same place, doesn't try to move, like he knows he's being punished, but does he understand why? How much does he understand what I explain to him?

My biggest concern with his screaming though is that he does it right after naps. He sleeps for about 45-75 minutes and the SECOND he wakes up he starts to cry. And if I don't go up there immeditely, he starts screaming. It's SO bad. My son can sleep through it because he's a deep sleeper and his dehumidifyer is on high, but what happens when I get more kids? I'm trying to teach him that nap time is 2 hours, so I don't go get him until the two hours is up. I want him to understand that I will come and get him when I'm ready, not because he's ready. (My son sits in his crib and talks to himself for like 45 minutes if I need him to.) If I go into the room and leave again, he just screams harder and longer, so I've learned that it's better not to go in at all. But is it doing anything? Will this every get better or am I wasting my time?

[mom-in-alberta]

Remind me of the details.... have you talked to mom/dad? Is this normal behaviour for him? Are they aware that it's not okay, and must be stopped? If parents are sympathetic to the issues and willing to work together, I will do my best to persevere. How long has this been? When did he start with you?
The fact that he is getting better, even in tiny baby steps, is good news to me. As absolutely frustrating as it is, I would continue with what you have started in the way of consistent behaviour and reactions.

[Sarah]

I don't think you are too hard by putting him in the corner. And I truly think they do understand or make the link between their actions and our reactions.

I have a 10 months old here, cries to put himself to sleep. Not a joke, he doesn't want to be picked up. He just cries to put himself to sleep. Really annoying, but parents seem to find this normal, they are even the ones who informed me of this behaviour.

I got bored of this after ...hummmm... a week! hahaha! So everytime he cries himslef to sleep, I take him and cuddle him like a newborn (with a blanket around him). He hates it. As soon as he stops crying, I put him down and after 1 month he stopped crying himself too sleep!

You are not hurting the child, you are just responding to his screaming! Make sure you do it EVERY time he screams though, so he understands that "I scream I go in the corner"

[apples and bananas]

I have a 1 year old that has been with me for a few weeks. When she cries it's like someone is cutting her toe off! So dramatic. After a few days I started to understand when she was crying because she missed mom and when she cried because she wasn't getting her way. I pick her up and cuddle her when she misses mom and I ignore her when she's being stuborn... which is a lot! The stubborn crying is getting less and less now. She sees that it doesn't get her attention anymore. I make a big deal over the other kids when she starts up now. Positive behaviour gets a response, negative doesn't. One year olds are funny little beings sometimes.

I don't think you're being too hard. We have a different connection to the daycare kids then we have to our own kids. I feel that same thing sometimes.

[Momof4]

It takes a lot of patience and nurturing to be a daycare provider. It is NOT an easy job! Especially for those of us who are dedicated to our businesses and the children. We work so hard and such long hours and when you have a screamer in the bunch it is so very exhausting.

I have 4 children in one room sleeping and a little boy who wakes up and screams and is loud so I have to separate him in another room. I have mentioned this to his Dad because it makes me sad that this one little boy has to be separated from all his friends due to his behaviour but I'm protecting the naptime for the others. So hopefully the parents will try to shush him at home when he is loud after nap or in the morning. Otherwise, I have to keep him separated.

Make sure you pamper yourself a little every evening and keep reaching out to us for support because you don't want to reach that state of exhaustion. We all understand what you are going through.

[Cadillac]

It sounds like this is really starting to stress you out. Maybe the best thing is to ask the parents to find other care.

It's ok to tune out once in a while but if you really feel that you re having a hard time caring, maybe this isn't the spot for him. Perhaps the two of you just aren't bonding?

You can't deal with this forever and as you said it is really affecting the other children. That is not ok either. The more life he sucks out of you the less you have to deal with the children that are doing well. Those kids are probably missing out on a lot of attention while you try to deal with the screamer.

[dodge__driver11]

I have an 11 m/o that started care here in Feb, when she first started all she did was SCREAM and she still does...I've learned what her cries mean, and she's learned that crying is not always going to bring me to her, it's getting better..

But I was at the point you were and I may very well term this family for other reason too...but honestly if its stressin' ya do what's best. Also...I agree with the discipline thing..do it EVERYTIME. The little one will get it, but if it doesn't happen in a time frame that works for you, then terminate.

Dodge