Potential Family asks Current Family to fill out referral questionnaire????

[Spixie33]

Wowsa. Run.

Some of the questions are pretty normal parent-like questions but why couldn't she call your references like the average parent would do and ask the questions over the phone?

Some of the questions like what they would like you to do differently etc is a bit over the top. Each person has their unique take on daycare and she is not a head hunter for some HR firm. That seems more like a question you would hear at a job interview for other types of jobs.

I just get a passive-aggressive feeling and like she would totally be eyeballing you and every mood her child was in and attribute it to you and your daycare.

[Inspired by Reggio]

...when potential families ask me for references I give them two daycare families and one personal. I think 3 references are plenty...

This is me as well ... at this point I have over 30 written letters of reference in my portfolio from current and past clients both in centre care and home care for parents to READ if desired plus I offer 1 current client, 1 past client and 1 personal / professional reference for doing a 'phone reference' ... personally I think EMAIL is too impersonal for a reference check - on the phone you can ask those kinds of questions and listen for any 'pauses' when answering or pay attention to what is NOT said to listen to your GUT in regards to is this an honest reference or are they just telling me what I want to hear?

When I ask parents to do a written reference for me I do ask them to offer both strengths they see in my program as well as comments on areas for improvement and my conflict resolutions skills - aka share a time where we had a difference of opinion and how we were able to resolve that so that prospective clients can 'read' in my written letters of reference a 'well rounded' vision of me!

[playfelt]

If you read any of the "mommy" boards they are flooded with horror stories, daycare issues, enough to stop any parent from putting their child into daycare of any kind.....but at the same time parents need to get past all the rhetoric on those boards and be a bit more realisitic. I know trust is part of it and common sense goes with that - one of the reasons a person just starting out has so much trouble getting that first client compared to the caregiver with an almost full house in that if others are there it must be ok.

Beyond this parent's insecurities is the way she went about gathering her information - bet she checked the caregiver out on facebook, etc. too. Reads too much, is reliant (gullable) to what others tell her - which can be a good thing if she starts taking advice from the caregiver instead.

While "next" is certainly the best choice if you want to pursue this potential client or want to help her not make the same mistakes next time then you could call her if you have her number or email if you don't. Let her know that your current clients made you aware of the questionaire and that you advised them that they were under no obligation to fill it out. That you thanked them for their time in speaking to the parent on the phone but that that was where their obligation ended. It is then between the potential parent and the caregiver to work out further details. What is coming across is that she is trying to call you a liar in a sense by asking for confirmation that what you said in the interview is true.

Depending on how old the child is, have they been in care or in care now in what is not a good relationship and the parent is afraid of getting burned again. In that case I would have a bit more sympathy, bring it to her attention and ask how you can help her work through her insecurities - if she takes offence to being told that well she wasn't going to work out anyways.

[michellesmunchkins]

First time Mom, first daycare. What worries me is that she has some serious trust issues and yet doesn't want to interview anyone else??? As a Mom, I would never only interview one person. I'm also very open and don't lie so maybe she is interviewing others and just saying she's not...but I ALWAYS tell potential families that they MUST meet with other providers to ensure the right match for their child and for them!

[Crayola kiddies]

I never give out email addresses and I gain permission to give out phone numbers from my references ..... When I have an interview and I give out my reference numbers I always give them a heads up to expect a call. But this person was / is too bold and ya if I was one of the parents receiving the questionnaire I wouldn't want her to be part the daycare.

[Crayola kiddies]

Sorry just reread your earlier post and see that your current families originally emailed her ..... Still she's crackers

[Sandbox Sally]

Why wouldn't she just verbally ASK the parents these questions? I would have made her appear much less crazy...jeez louise.

As for the questions themselves - I don't think she has any idea what she's talking about anyway. She has a piss poor vision of what makes a good daycare if she's judging whether she'd choose one based on those questions.

[Inspired by Reggio]

....As for the questions themselves - I don't think she has any idea what she's talking about anyway. She has a piss poor vision of what makes a good daycare if she's judging whether she'd choose one based on those questions.

Ya - I agree some of those were 'normal' questions ... I too would want to confirm some of those things if I was leaving my child somewhere - however some of those questions could get you a 'false' sense of security or a false red flag depending on view points!

For example if a child not 'wanting' to go to daycare is being seen as a RED FLAG that the provider is not up to par - well that is out of context ... how old is the child, what is their temperament, what is their attachment to their own parents and so forth?

I have children who run into program without looking back and others who you even after months of being here you still have to peel off mamas leg some mornings despite the fact that the minute mama is gone they are off playing just fine ... there is a very FINE line between it being normal for a child to have separation anxiety leaving the parent in the morning and a child whose 'dislike' of going to daycare is based on something be 'wrong' with the daycare.

Heck we had a child in centre care who would start at home screaming the minute they mentioned it was a daycare day, he resisted getting dressed, he kicked and thrashed and cried to puking in the ride over to the program, you had to peel him off the parents and while after a while he would eventually 'succumb' to choosing to play at daycare he was just not 'happy' to be there it was sort of spend the day 'moping' .... we were not doing anything WRONG in our program other children thrived and loved it it was just THIS kid was not a group care kid he wanted to be HOME with his parents and he let every single person know that!

[michellesmunchkins]

Ya - I agree some of those were 'normal' questions ... I too would want to confirm some of those things if I was leaving my child somewhere - however some of those questions could get you a 'false' sense of security or a false red flag depending on view points!

For example if a child not 'wanting' to go to daycare is being seen as a RED FLAG that the provider is not up to par - well that is out of context ... how old is the child, what is their temperament, what is their attachment to their own parents and so forth?

I have children who run into program without looking back and others who you even after months of being here you still have to peel off mamas leg some mornings despite the fact that the minute mama is gone they are off playing just fine ... there is a very FINE line between it being normal for a child to have separation anxiety leaving the parent in the morning and a child whose 'dislike' of going to daycare is based on something be 'wrong' with the daycare.

Heck we had a child in centre care who would start at home screaming the minute they mentioned it was a daycare day, he resisted getting dressed, he kicked and thrashed and cried to puking in the ride over to the program, you had to peel him off the parents and while after a while he would eventually 'succumb' to choosing to play at daycare he was just not 'happy' to be there it was sort of spend the day 'moping' .... we were not doing anything WRONG in our program other children thrived and loved it it was just THIS kid was not a group care kid he wanted to be HOME with his parents and he let every single person know that!

Exactly!!!!!!!!! You have a way with words!

[Mamma_Mia]

For example if a child not 'wanting' to go to daycare is being seen as a RED FLAG that the provider is not up to par - well that is out of context ... how old is the child, what is their temperament, what is their attachment to their own parents and so forth?

My PT-dcg in the last 2 days has been crying & freaking out at drop-off! Once mom leaves she stops! Today dad dropped her off and he stayed....and she cried. I had to tell him that the longer you stay the worse she will get. So he left.....I held her in my lap trying to calm her down, after 5min I had enough. I put her down and told her to STOP CRYING.....you wont believe what happened. Not only did she stop crying BUT she smiled and said "im all better now"! WTF Kid....you're parents think I'm locking you in a closet by your freak out meanwhile you're just playing them! From that moment on she's been all smiles.

So yeah...that doesn't always mean something is wrong!