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  1. #1
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    Should she stay or should she go?

    So, I would appreciate some input from you ladies. I feel I know what must be done, but I am hesitating for various reasons.
    I have posted recently about one of my dcks who doesnt want to sit in her booster at meal times. Well, I have gotten her to eat, but must put one piece of food on her tray at a time, otherwise it gets thrown. This doesn't work all the time, but at least she isn't starving here.
    Here's my issue. When she originally started in January, it took her a good month and a half to "settle". She still had off days, but for the most part I did not have to be in her line of vision. If I brought her to the downstairs play area, she would immediately cry. If I had to leave the room for any reason (take my daughter to the potty etc), she cried. If I give her her blankie to hold at all times, she is fine for the most part, without it she cries. She will play on her own, but she will at times just sit or lie on her blankie apart from the other children.
    She was sick two weeks ago and was not with me for 5 days (weekend included). Since she has come back, it's like she is starting all over again. Cries throughout the day, won't eat and today she threw a tantrum because I put her down for nap. I could hear her screaming and kicking her feet for 20 minutes. I went in twice to check on her to make sure she didn't need a diaper change or anything else, but she was just mad.
    Im beginning to get very frustrated and stressed out when she is here. I'm not sure I can do anything different to make her settle in.The only way she is going to not cry is if I hold her all day every day and I am not willing to do that. I am going to talk to her mother today at pick up to see if we can come up with a plan.
    Some part of me believes that she can get better, but at what cost? I don't really want to get rid of her as I need the income, but then my sanity is more important... ugh....what to do?! Oh, and thanks for letting me get this off my chest.

  2. #2
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    HOw old is she? If she's part time it just takes longer. I when through this recently and now mine is one of my favourates!

  3. #3
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    She's 14 months old and is full time. How long did it take for the little one to settle in fully?

  4. #4
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    Transition infants can be very HARD on the infant, provider and rest of the group .... there is so much going on in their little lives between 9 - 18 months ... so for example she can make progress in adjusting to care and that 'cord' of needing to be held or in close proximity eases up as she learns to trust you will meet her needs and you think AHHHH FINALLY and they they start teething or something and are in pain and they 'revert' to being needy again because they do not understand why they are in pain and their anxiety levels rise again and so forth.

    This is one of the reasons why I only take ONE infant under the age of 18 months and others have to be older so that I can have more 'time' and therefore more patience for dealing with infant needs.

    I started a newbie in February who was just over 8 months of age ... who is having some awesome days now but there are still 'times' throughout the day where his little cord between him and me is TINY and if I step outside of his comfort zone he looses his little noodle and yup it is challenging figuring out is this true anxiety need where the crying is instinct based and cannot be helped or is this a need to learn delayed gratification aka patience to have your needs met!
    Children construct their own intelligence. The adult must provide activities and context, but most of all must be able to listen. Children need proof that adults believe in them. Their three great desires are to be listened to, to understand, and to demonstrate that they are exactly what we expect."
    Loris Malaguzzi

  5. #5
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    Thanks ladies. I think I may give her more time to settle in. I just hope that this ends sooner than later!

  6. #6
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    I had one who took 6 months, not going to lie they were a LONG 6 months!!!! She is now my favourite (not that we have favourites haha) but she is awesome now. During those 6 months the parents were not honest and upfront with the fact that they held her constantly from the time she woke up until the time she went to bed. She sat in their laps for mealtimes, she slept in their beds for naps and bedtime. She was like the doll, never put down...so for her group care was like OMG!! It took months and LOTS of chats with the parents that what they were doing at home might make them feel better, but they were not helping her at all! Now its very rare that she has her 'moment's as I refer to them now

    Each little one is different and transitioning can be a tough process. I think its all up to you and what your patience and sanity can take? Also...how the other children in care are handling her. My guys just got to the point where they ignored her, or said Shell ***** is crying again lol. Now we all love her to pieces!

  7. #7
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    I'm of the opinion that this is over the top. At 14 months old she should be ok without you holding her.

    Also, if you think you are getting stressed...how do you think the other kids in care feel? It is just as hard on them to listen to her screaming as it is on you.

    After 5 weeks, I personally would let her go.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ashleigh View Post
    She's 14 months old and is full time. How long did it take for the little one to settle in fully?
    My little one is going on 4 months but she is 3 days a week. She still cries at drop off but only litterally for 10 seconds.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nottellin' View Post
    I'm of the opinion that this is over the top. At 14 months old she should be ok without you holding her.

    Also, if you think you are getting stressed...how do you think the other kids in care feel? It is just as hard on them to listen to her screaming as it is on you.

    After 5 weeks, I personally would let her go.
    But then after all that hard dedicaded time spent. I would give it another few weeks. We are all so socailly different and some little ones just take a bit longer. The eating this is normal too for a child having a hard time!

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by michellesmunchkins View Post
    I had one who took 6 months, not going to lie they were a LONG 6 months!!!! She is now my favourite (not that we have favourites haha) but she is awesome now. During those 6 months the parents were not honest and upfront with the fact that they held her constantly from the time she woke up until the time she went to bed. She sat in their laps for mealtimes, she slept in their beds for naps and bedtime. She was like the doll, never put down...so for her group care was like OMG!! It took months and LOTS of chats with the parents that what they were doing at home might make them feel better, but they were not helping her at all! Now its very rare that she has her 'moment's as I refer to them now

    Each little one is different and transitioning can be a tough process. I think its all up to you and what your patience and sanity can take? Also...how the other children in care are handling her. My guys just got to the point where they ignored her, or said Shell ***** is crying again lol. Now we all love her to pieces!
    Mine said right infront of the Mother "if she can't stop crying she will have to go to another daycare! LOL Boy was my face red!

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