When do you say enough is enough

[Lou]

I was in this position! I was recently caring for 4 1/2 yrs old twins and they had a rough start! The boy threw violent tantrums while the girl cried for her Mommy all day! The tantrums were quickly nipped in the bud, and the little boy got on wonderfully, but the girl just wouldn't quit. After a month and a half (I started with comforting her, then moved to removing her from the group when she started up) she was still incredibly disruptive and if I"m being honest incredibly annoying! At 4 1/2, you're not a baby anymore and there are better ways to voice your feelings than crying ALL DAY. She missed out on a lot of fun! After 2 months, I was at my wits end and the group couldn't handle it anymore either...even her brother! So, I discussed it withthe parents and they decided to have Grandma watch them instead. A huge change in the atmosphere, let me tell you!! So, I totally get how you're feeling....and if the other ladies suggestions don't work for this little one, then you shouldn't feel guilty at all for saying goodbye!

[Cocoon]

I didn't read all the responses but what I would do is ignore her bad behaviour and put her somewhere secure like playpen where she can not go anywhere and put her self in danger while you are dealing with other kids. Tell her that she will stay there until she behave and stop screaming. Believe me she will learn! and she will learn fast but you have to be strong too.

[Mamma_Mia]

What have you done regarding this issue? She knows it's a game so getting upset with her, telling her it's unacceptable, or calling her grandmother is feeding into the behavior. She is OLD ENOUGH to know better. What I would do, honestly, is put her in a play pen, tell her if she's going to act like a baby, she's going to be treated like a baby, and put her in a room by herself. Go check on her once in a while, and if she's being quiet or being good, praise her but don't let her out. At least for one day. For the next few days, make this area her time out area. EVERY TIME she starts screaming, pick her up and WORDLESSLY place her in the her area. DO NOT talk to her. Don't even explain to her why she's there, she knows why she's there. Continue to do this EVERY TIME and you will notice that eventually it will become less and less. If it doesn't improve within three weeks, I'd say, I would terminate. It sucks for the little girl because she obviously has her parents wrapped around her little finger, and other daycare providers keep giving up on her. If she starts kindergarten like that, she'll get kicked out. This is what I would so anyways. I am PRO TIME OUTS. They ALWAYS work. If they are not receiving ANY attention for their behaviour and they are being taken away from the other kids, they will start to realize it just doesn't work. Because, I'm assuming, right now, she receives more attention than the other kids - even if it is negative behaviour.

LOVE this!

[momof5]

Thank you so much for all the advice. No nothing actually triggers her crying fits, she will just start crying while we are doing a craft, or free play etc... And when i ask her why she is crying i never actually get any answer. I will be using all your advice to try and get her hours of crying under control and win this game instead of giving up on her.

[Momof4]

Momof5 it's really exhausting to have a child like that in care and it just drains you by the end of the day. But it's difficult for the other children too. Sometimes we have to think of the big picture and we are here to take care of ALL the children so it's ok to give up once in a while for the good of everyone. We all reach our limits when not seeing progress with a family and nonstop crying or aggressive behaviour are two situations where you shouldn't feel guilty if you have to replace the family. The feeling of relief and well-being when you have all great families and happy children in care is wonderful. Getting up in the morning and dreading your day is just not right!

[momof5]

Thanks so much momof4!!! Maybe that's what i needed. Yes i have started to dread her arrival each day. Yes i have felt guilty about terminating her, thinking that i just gave up, but honestly when i do look at the big picture there's nothing that makes this girl happy unless it's her mom. And i think you're 100% right, for the sake of the other kids and myself it would probably be best to just give my notice.

[Momof4]

You are very welcome. Most of us have been in those shoes and it's really a hard decision but you won't believe how relieved you are until you start the daycare days out and realize how calm and happy you are and the other children will be. I hope you can replace them with a new family quickly. You might want to talk to the parents first and give them a 2 week warning or something then termination if no improvement. If the parents help out you may see improvement. Whatever you do, good luck.

[mom-in-alberta]

If she is on her 4th dayhome in as many (or less) years.... then I would say one of two things is going on.
A) Mom and Dad don't have the tools to deal with this behaviour. They don't know what to do. If you think this is the case, and that they just need some guidance, then you can put together a detailed plan. "I will work with you IF: blah blah blah" List exactly what you expect. Put a timeline in place for improvement. End the relationship if none occurs.
OR (and I think this is more likely) B) they don't see a real problem and aren't doing a damn thing to change it. They have been asked to leave THREE childcare arrangements and they are still having the same issues? Puh-leeeze... In this case: Goodbye!

[jec]

I think Momof4 said it ~ not easy but how horrible to get up dreading your day.
This business can make you burn out fast - you know your limit and you should listen to it.
Giving someone their notice is not easy - good luck if that is the route you go (and don't feel bad about it if you do)

[momof5]

If she is on her 4th dayhome in as many (or less) years.... then I would say one of two things is going on.
A) Mom and Dad don't have the tools to deal with this behaviour. They don't know what to do. If you think this is the case, and that they just need some guidance, then you can put together a detailed plan. "I will work with you IF: blah blah blah" List exactly what you expect. Put a timeline in place for improvement. End the relationship if none occurs.
OR (and I think this is more likely) B) they don't see a real problem and aren't doing a damn thing to change it. They have been asked to leave THREE childcare arrangements and they are still having the same issues? Puh-leeeze... In this case: Goodbye!

Yes I'm the 4th dayhome now. I've spoken to the parents about her crying all day long, and being so disrespectful towards me, numerous times. It's gotten me no where. Today is a day from Hell with her, i'm telling mom at pu that with this crying, and how disrespectful she has been towards me today that i don't want her back on Monday! So far today i've been told i'm stupid, she hates me etc... And this is said almost every other day, but mom and dad seem to think that i can continue to put up with it. i'm at my breaking point now!