Advice needed: 12 month old refuses to nap

[Rhonda]

Hey everyone, it has been a while since I have posted but I am about to lose my sanity if I soon don't get some quiet time...

I have had a little one in care for a month now. The little one did not come prepared for daycare at all First off I should say, I love the family and termination would be an absolutely last resort.

The little one came into care, on pureed infant foods (not even chunks), on the bottle and not knowing how to hold it, having a long morning nap and then not going down until 2:30 (when the rest of my children are just starting to wake up). The child wasn't comfortable using the stairs, etc and the list goes on...

In the month, I have had to take a lot of time off of daycare, so the child hasn't had a full week of daycare yet, but I have seen so many improvements, no more bottle, no more baby food, crawling up and down the stairs, starting to learn the routine etc.

BUT, after the first week (which the little one barely napped to begin with) I asked the parents to cut out the morning nap in favour of an earlier afternoon nap and to stretch that nap out to at least 1.5 - 2 hours. Plus I requested that the little one no longer be bottle fed and rocked to fall asleep so that the little one can learn self soothing. The parents have had success at home, BUT now the little one won't sleep at all at daycare unless it is in stroller while walking. The child will SCREAM the whole 2 hours, if I go in to try and sooth the crying becomes less intense, but the second I leave, the screaming gets worse than before. I have tried being with the child the whole 2 hours and nothing but crying (I can't take that anymore), I have tried tuff luv and let the child cry but that doesn't work. I have tried the 5 min rule and that just upsets the child more. The child has a soother and a special toy from home in the play pen. I have tried the fan on or off and there is no improvement.

There has to be something I am overlooking that might help this little one. I don't do rocking to sleep (don't even have a rocking chair) plus I don't want to create habits that will be hard to break. I have just never had a child in care that doesn't eventually scream themselves tired. I should also mention if by rare chance I do get the little one to fall asleep, it is only for a max of 15 minutes.

Caregiver that is slowly going insane .....

[Inspired by Reggio]

Have you swaddled him?

That worked wonders with many of my problem sleepers? Swaddle a d gentle rock of the crib to help them soothe initially and than less and less time rocking?

I have also had infants that were just averse to the crib and had to go straight to a cot to sleep - is that an option?

[Rhonda]

Just rushing out the door,... but swaddle as in swaddling a newborn? The child is 12 months old and will just stand up as soon as I close the door. The child is in a play pen not a crib so there is no possibility of rocking. A cot is out of the question for a 12 month old, it is not safe unless I am staying by the child's side all of quiet time. The earliest (if a child isn't climbing) I would consider switching a child to a cot or nap mat would be 2 years of age.

Thanks for trying

[Momof4]

I wouldn't have a problem giving him a bottle if he's still just 12 months old and it soothed him to sleep. I agree that I like wee ones to be weaned off soothers and bottles as soon as possible, but between a year to 18 months is my goal for that. But when a child is new at my daycare I cuddle them and sing and get them to relax for at least the first month. Then the second month if they aren't getting it I sit right by the playpen and keep laying them down over and over again no matter if they are screaming or not. I do this for a few weeks until they learn I'm relentless! They learn to go to sleep pretty fast for me. I only had one little girl who took months but it was when I was still new at this.

Naptime is precious to me as it probably is to you because it's the much needed break in the middle of a long, busy day. I do ask parents to get their children onto our daycare nap schedule as much as possible before starting care and then when they are full-time they fall into our routine usually within a short time. But you mentioned that he isn't full-time yet. I bet he will get better once that happens.

[Rhonda]

Morning, today is a new day right I don't have a problem with children coming into care on a bottle per say either, as long as they can hold the bottle on their own. It is when they come into care at 1 yrs old and not being able to hold the bottle on their own that it bothers me. So if I am going to teach a child to hold their bottle, I will make the switch right to a sippy cup. The soother doesn't bother me at all, I do discourage the use during the day but usually wean them off closer to 2 for quiet time.

I don't sing (the children will agree I don't do it well, lol), but I do do a lot of cuddling in daycare. Today instead of turning on the fan, I am going to try music and see if that helps, its worth a try.

My little one is full time, it is just I haven't worked full time this month Between the holidays and my days off I have been off about 7 days this month.

I am not a new caregiver, so inexperience isn't an issue. I have just over 18 years in the childcare field. I can honestly say that I have never had an issue with a child not napping before, oh don't get me wrong, I have had my share of challenging nappers. But by the end of the first month there has been signifigant improvement. My issue is after a month this little one still isn't even napping 15 minutes and if I stay with him he cries the whole quiet time and I can't keep staying with him both for my sanity and for the safety of the other children in care. The only difference between me trying to soothe him and me letting him try and self soothe is the volume of crying. If I manage to get him to even settle or possibly asleep he is up and crying again in 15 mins, so I question whether he was even truly asleep. I guess I should mention this little one is the type of child that will cry even being held.

I don't accept part time children, but I am thinking even a part time child would show some sign of improvement in a month of childcare?

I know that sometimes when you are in a situation it sometimes takes an outsider to see the obvious, and I keep thinking that I am just forgetting something due to being over tired and stressed.
Thanks for trying to help me get throught this

[Momof4]

Oh sorry we didn't have all that information before! You know what you're doing, you are just losing your mind, that's understandable, hehe, been there done that in this business! Isn't it horrible when a little tiny person can make you so crazy? Hang in there and vent all you like, we're here for you.

[Crayola kiddies]

I had one that I couldn't get to sleep either .... I tried every room in my house and the mom finally had an idea ... We put her in the darkest room (her room was dark at home) and the mom sent her own pillowcase to put in the playpen so the child could smell mom..... Worked like a dream ... The first time the child slept 3 hours .... Just a suggestion !

[Momof4]

That's what I do too, turn off all the lights and I have blackout curtains in the room where the children sleep. It doesn't matter how bright the sun is outside when I close those curtains they can't even see each other and they go to sleep so quickly. It works!

[Dayhome Mamma]

I'm all about following what their sleeping routine is at home and then once they are fully comfortable and settled in then I slowly get them to fit into our schedule. If they need a bottle, they get a bottle, if they sleep with a special blankie, they need to have that blankie here. I always make sure parents give me all the details in regards to how they put their child to sleep and follow it, (besides rocking them and reading them stories). But sometimes its that one little detail that they've forgotten to tell you that makes all the difference. With my newest one, the mom told me that they go around the house and say "good night" to everything on their way to the room ....like goodnight room, good night kitchen, good night teddy, good night doggie, etc....and that he sleeps in a sleep sack. I had trouble with him even with following that, and he wasn't sleeping very long. Turns out, he had to be out of his pants before he was put into the sack, which helped for a few days, but then I thought I heard him say blankie....turns out out he also needed a specific blankie and cow which the mom thought he wasn't attached to as he never showed any signs that he needed them ever. After that, he started sleeping immediately.
Also, i never ever stay in the room with the kids when they go down for the nap. I just explain that it is sleepy time and leave matter of factly never turning back. If you do it from the start, they know and understand that that is what happens. My philosophy is that If they have everything that they are used to and they are truly tired and ready to sleep, that their body will naturally just allow them to with ease. But that's the big difference with me. Instead of trying to make them fit my schedule from the start, i just always go with theirs. I find it to be easier on them and me as well. Makes for always having someone up, but eventually it merges into what the majority of the kids nap times are.

[jec]

Have you swaddled him?

I have had another provider tell me to do this when I was having a problem with a little one during nap time. I thought no way this would work- she was 13 months. As a last resort, I chatted with the parents to let them know the idea and that I haven't tried it but, know of a few providers that do this. They said go for it and I swaddled the little one up nice and tight and within a few minutes of crying- out like a light for almost 2 hrs for every nap time!! I've never had to try it since but it worked for this little one like a charm.
Worth a try if your at your wits end??? I thought no way but, it worked!