20 month old won't share and extremely selfish -help

[Connect]

Hi, yeah toddlers can really make you want to tear your hair out. This is called "egocentrism" very normal in a toddler. Even toddlers who have siblings or cousins can also display this behaviour. At my centre I would create activities that the children can do together such as mural painting or sandbox where the children had to "share." Time outs for this age do not work because all they are worried about is what they want. The concept of time out is not yet comprehensible at this age. My suggestion would be first of all do not allow this child to bring toys into the play area. These toys are HIS possession and so you should say the toys in this house are for all of us to take turns with. Let him know that the toys you provide will be the only toys the children will play with. Obviously some children need to have a "transition toy" when they come from home to your setting. That is fine as long as they leave it in their knapsack or cubbie. Often with toddlers the word "share" may not be possible. Use the word "take turns." Also have duplicates of "favourite" toys if possible. Redirection is key and so are offering choices. To support him I also recommend that you display "sharing" behaviour. So if you are reading a book with another child say "Let's share a book together." Also the parents should really be made aware of your intent to teach him the concept of "sharing." I often expressed to my parents that "we are working on our social skills by learning to "take turns" or "sharing." Let them know how you are doing this at your programme and suggest they do this at home. Also teaching patience may be another concept you and the parents will want to help him understand. For example, when he wants something quickly and starts to cry. You say "I know you would like your snack right away. You look "angry" but right now I am "preparing" or so and so needs it first because they asked first. Please be patient. Teach him about expressing feelings. Often toddlers do not have the language to express that they may feel "frustrated" So we as adults must teach. I used to have a poster displaying different feelings and showing and naming what different feelings look like. Start with simple feelings like "angry" "sad" "happy" before you use the more complicated ones such as "Frustrated". Be firm, calm, consistent and confident in your communication with him. When he has tamtrums let him have them and say "I know you are angry because you want to drink from the cup so and so is using. But right now she is drinking. When she is finished you can have a turn. Let me know when you are ready." Also redirection may help later you say Wow your cup has green colour. Green like the leaves. Let me see how you drink out of it." There is a book called Positive Discipline by Jane Nelson. Her website is positivediscipline.c om. I hope I have helped in my little way. Often it is finding the right responses with children. You can do this. We have to be respectful and responsive to children's need. The saying goes "A misbehaved child is a discouraged child." He is discouraged because he cannot express himself and feels that noone understands him. So even saying "I understand you are angry, but right now we are playing with daycare toys. Your toys will be safe in your knapsack and you can have them back when you are picked up. All the best to you and be strong.

[SummerLuvin]

They're not really his toys from his house, they're his toys that he's selected form the bins in the playroom......he'll go the bins, pick a car, go across the room and place it on the couch. Then he'll return to the bins, pick another toy, walk across the room and place it on the couch, he'll continue to do this until he has about a dozen or more toys on the couch. Once he's got all the toys he wants, he'll play with them one at a time at the couch and if anyone else comes even close to the couch to play with any of his selected toys, he freaks out........there could be 10 cars on the couch, he could be playing with 2, but no one else is allowed to play with the other 8......I usually try to get his attention first (he's usually in hysterics if someone's taken his toy), and i explain: "look, there's lots of cars, you can have some, i can have some, Joey can have a few and Sally can have some, WE CAN ALL PLAY. All the toys in the playroom are to be shared with everyone. You can't play with all the cars, you must share. They are not your toys, they are my toys which I am sharing with you, so you need to share with the other kids too." he doesn't like that i distribute the toy cars among "joey" and "sally", he tries to get them back, but when i insist he shares, he usually leaves the area (not nicely or quietly) and goes to play by himself with a different toy. It hasn't sunk in yet, but I'm sure it will.......