Advice: little guy hates coming, but has fun while here!?

[FS2011]

I need advice. I have a sibling group plus my baby daughter. Both my girl and the other dc girl are under 2. The brother of the sibling group is 4. He used to have no problem coming here, for about the first 2 months. Now for the last month and into march he is having melt downs. Mother is having a hard time getting him here and once he is here she can't leave due to the melt down. We usually get Him interested in something and happy before she leaves and then he's great all day. He has told me he gets bored. I play with him, I'm not a kid obviously but he seems to be having lots of fun. I let him do special things. We do fun activities during the day, he's always well behaved, and always seems happy to be there. I can't figure out how to change this around. I'm scared they will leave. Im so attached to the family, they are amazing parents to have.
Suggestions?!

[playfelt]

Can you take the kids out more often so that he will have time to play with other kids his own age even it means the younger ones have to sit in the stroller for awhile. Also be sure you have more things for the older child that only he gets to play with. You could also suggest he be allowed to bring a bag of things to use but remind him he will need to use them in a special space. If he brings some of his own action figures and then uses them with your blocks for instance. Getting a nintendo DS or other handheld type of game system and letting him have session it during the day might help. There are plenty of educational games so it can be productive time for him.

The most ideal of course is to try and get another older child into care too.

Sharon

[fruitloop]

Is he only having melt downs when mom is there dropping off in the morning? My answer depends on that. You said he is fine and happy during the day.

[Naftafia]

My question is how is he when mom picks him up, is he wanting to leave right away or continues to play for a few minutes? If he continues to play than the mom will see that he is ok and that it's likely related to control and being well at home... however if he leaves the same way he comes in then it is harder to convince the parents that he is ok through the day.

It is very important to have a discussion with the parents if you fear they will be leaving. They might be seeing this behavior when they want to go to the store as well and they may not be worried about it at all. Talk to them to address your concerns.

I would suggest having a specific morning activity that he loves (or if he eats breakfast there make that special somehow) so he is looking forward to coming over for this or that. You could let him know what will be happening the next day when he leaves and the parents could use that in the morning to motivate him to go.

But if we take a step back and try to be in his shoes it is understandable that being at daycare may be boring at times with a group 2 years younger than him. And that although you might be doing an excellent job finding activities for him and playing with him.... it will never be the same as having a friend his age.

Good luck!

[FS2011]

Thanks so much! It's hit and miss about his pick up behavior. Mainly he is happy, doesn't want to leave etc. I try the day after high lights as he is leaving. That all said today he showed up excited and happy as can be! His mom says they think it's anxiety from all the change in his home life, moving homes. I working on getting older kids enrolled for him. We do have a weekly program we could walk too. I know older kids will be there.
I will try that. Thanks!

[fruitloop]

I was going to say that if he only does it at drop off when his mom is there then it's for attention and if mom is playing into it/giving any attention for the behaviour he is going to play it up for as long as she accepts it.

[giraffe]

I am with fruitloop... make drop offs short and sweet. Have mom drop him off with quick goodby hug and kiss and turn and leave with a big confident smile on her face. He is playing her and you.

[mamaof4]

My first reaction is- what a smart boy! he has figured out how to ply his mama! It sucks for you but is usually totally normal.

Can you take a few pictures during the day when he is happy and enjoying himself so his mama can see how much fun he has after he has transitioned?

[FS2011]

Funny thing, I closed today due to sickness and I phoned the mom to tell her and she said he was upset to stay home. So now I know, it's just him playing on reactions he is getting from mom. Thanks all!

[LisaQ]

Haha Jenn this made me laugh! Kids really know how to play us, don't they!