Super Sensitive

[lilac]

As I had posted, I just started with 2 new boys. We are mid way through week number two and I'm noticing that the older boy espeically, is very, VERY sensitive. He is the sweetie pie who picked flowers for me and loves loves loves the baby. He seems to get his feelings hurt by a lot of things, my rules for one thing? Well, I wouldnt even call them my rules, but the way I do things when it comes to daycare. For example, I have a set menu of snacks and breakfast, we all have the same snack (there are a few things so that if there is something someone doesnt like there is something else), so I'm not making a million different things for 5 kids. He continually asks every day for something different than what I have planned for that day and seems hurt when I say that this is the snack that I have planned for today.... He also likes to walk way off ahead of us, or leave the park while we are still gathering our things getting ready to go, so when I ask him to wait for us (I dont yell, I just call out to him to wait up!!) he again seems genuinly hurt that I've asked him to wait for the rest of us. Or again, stand with us while waiting at the school for the others to come instead of allowing him to wander in and out of the school while we wait. I find myself starting to be nervous all the time of hurting his feelings, and worried that hes going to be unhappy here because his feelings are hurt all the time by the way things are here with me.

This is also the child who has ADHD who I was asking you all about. Is this sensitivity part of it? or this just happens to be his personality? either way, how would you handle this?

[Inspired by Reggio]

Hmmm - sounds like a bit of personality there ... I was that kid who would fight tears everytime i got "in trouble" and by that i do not mean yelled at necessarily just told not to do something the guilt and fear letting someone down

What are the parenting style like cause it might be a case of he is just not accustomed to being told no or being catered too meals wise and so forth!

[Mamma_Mia]

It may be hes catered too a LOT at home because of "what he has". My dcg has a genetic disorder that affects the liver, heart, kidney, and other systems of the body....but functions & acts like a normal 3yr old EXCEPT that the parents baby her to no end or cater to her every need. Mom has said on many cases 'we didnt have the heart to say so because she's sick'.....uhh she's playing you is what SHE is! I understand that there are many things you must do differently but for the goodness of this child PLEASE treat them like normal kids otherwise...like using the word NO! If she cries so be it! Kids cry!

ughhh......she doesn't get away with it here and is honkey-dorey. Remember I mentioned that she doesn't sleep with her sucky here and never made a sound about it but at home has three, mom says they tried last night but she screamed for over an hour and they didn't want to cause her stress so gave in. SHE IS 3!!

Sigh...I would just let him know that it's not allowed. These are the rules that everyone has to follow and thats it. Don't give it any more attention then that

again....IMO

[Momof4]

I would let this little boy know why your rules as so important. If a child runs ahead of me when we are walking I DO yell because it's dangerous. Rules are important. If it helps, I started out calling my rules 'Daycare Cool Rules' then made a little rhyme:
'No kicking, no hitting, no throwing toys,
Yes hugging, yes sharing, good girls & boys.'
So whenever they do something wrong I could remind them to use the Cool Rules. But outside I'm crazy strict with my rules.

My son has ADHD & he was a sensitive boy and now he's a sensitive man, but I don't think they go hand in hand. My children were raised to respect other people and be kind and have good manners. I think you just need to give this boy an extra hug and explain that he has to listen to what you say because it's important to be safe and eventually he will realize that you rule all, hahahaha.

I also had a girl who came in and asked for food, but I just told her that she would have the food I prepare when it is ready......so go play!

[lilac]

Hummm... I dont know what the parenting style is at home. I would suspect fairly relaxed? Just thinking of some of the things they say, radio songs they sing and stuff like certian video games that are very, very violent that they talk about, also the food that they are asking me for (sugary cereals, chocolate everything). The younger one (almost 6) seems similar, dissappointed and sad if I say no to something but gets over it way faster than the older one (who is 9). The 9 year old will go off on his own (I found him hiding under my end table one time last week). Their grandmother has been looking after them for the past 6 months, prior to that mom was on mat leave with their youngest brother, so I guess not being in a daycare setting, it wasnt a big deal if for example, they didnt want the same snack. When daycare isnt hear, I'll let my own kids choose their snacks own snacks too...

I was looking around on the internet and came across emotional sensitivities in children with ADHD but seems more like not being able to deal with them because their emotions can be way stronger. For example this one woman said as a child she was unable to take her friends kidding around with her; another said that she was over reacted a lot which made her a target for bullies as a child.

Okay, well I'll continue in the way I have been, I guess it'll just take him adjusting to my way and me adjusting to his way of reacting to my way!

Thanks Ladies!

[lilac]

hmmm... Friday he came to my house with a cough, went right up to the baby who is 4m, right up to his face, holding the babies hands which are these days constantly in his mouth as I think he is teething. When I asked him to not go right up to his face like that today bc I noticed he had a bit of a cough and cold, he got up on the couch and cried . Then 5 minutes later went back up to the baby again in the same manner and when I asked him again and explained why he told me his cough and cold was gone. I told him it was okay for him to sit and talk with the baby, but not to go right up to his face while he had a cough... he got back up on the couch and cried

Today, he came running screaming bloody murder to me at the park bawling his eyes out, I thought he was seriously hurt or got stung by a bee or got cut or something horrible the way he was screaming, he honestly scared the living day lights out of me... but he was upset becasue he realized he left his umbrella at school.

You read about my other daycare kid, the free spirit, I HAVE to be firm and strict with him and not let him and my own son away with anything, but how am I going to be fairly, firm and strickt with this 9 year old when he falls apart so easily? It'll get better, right? He's just getting used to me... right?

[mom-in-alberta]

I think Mamma Mia might be right. Do you think mom/dad jump at his every wimper, as an attempt to curb any kind of behaviour issues? He sounds like a sweet kid, but I can see how this would be irritating. In fact, I am dealing with it too. Last week, I made apple pie for snack (who doesn't like warm apple pie? C'mon!!) and my new p/t boy cried and hid under the table.
I just try to take a no nonsense approach. I use a completely neutral voice to say whatever it is I need to say, and otherwise give it no attention. The little guy that I have uses this to "get out" of any trouble he might be in.
On the other hand, as I type I am wondering if his parents yell at him too much? Maybe he just feels like he is always in trouble at home?
I would mention it to mom, as they may have some coping skills or techniques you can use.