Spouse unsure about home daycare

[Connect]

Hello ladies,
So I am in the process of getting myself liscensed and my daycare off and running: my goal by mid-June. My husband is not happy with this decision. Did any of your family members have doubt? if so, how did you handle or let them know that it was for the best?

[dodge__driver11]

Honestly, though realistic my husband has been the one telling me not to give up.

He has told me that I may need to look at temporary solutions or for work outside the home (pt), and perhaps taking on clients with different schedules to fill, but he has never said anything bad...or talked down to me because of my choice.

Family will always have doubt, but if you believe you can do this and have a plan...then go for it.....

Why is he so worried?

[playfelt]

When I have talked to moms considering it but wondering about the benefits and the costs I have them do a cost comparison. If you have kids of your own then it almost always works out in favour of staying home.

Take the amount you make working as in your take home amount, subtract the cost of daycare for your own kids, the cost of transportation to work, half the cost of lunch out if you buy, a portion of the money spent on clothing for work and upkeep such as drycleaning. Subtract a portion of your grocery bill if you eat out a lot or buy convenience foods because you don't have time to cook after work.

The result is the amount of money you need to make in childcare to equal what you made at your old job - which usually turns out to be not very much. Divide this amount by the daily fee you plan to charge and that gives you a pretty good idea of how many children you need to have in care to make ends meet. If it is more than 3/4 of the allowable limits for your area then it could become stressful at times of low enrollment since there isn't a lot of ground made up when full so something to consider.

If your calculations are totally to your advantage that can help with your arguement. I have four kids so if I had had to find daycare for them all plus work there would have been very little take home pay for me.

Ask him what his concerns are. What is it about the kids that concerns him. I am assuming you have kids of your own so they must have toys and must play somewhere in the house. There are lots of ways to have a daycare during the day and a family home evenings and weekends. You don't have to have a large playroom with fancy decorations and such.

I know some that have two kids and moved the two into one bedroom and then turned the other bedroom into the playroom. With time spent outside, in the kitchen for meals or gathering to sit in the middle of the livingroom for circletime/storytime having only a small bedroom for freeplay will still allow you to offer a full program but close the door on it at night - out of sight out of mind for hubby. It comes and goes while he is gone to work.

Do you have any friends that provide daycare that have husbands that would talk to your husband about his issues, maybe able to reassure him that it can work.

[Sandbox Sally]

My husband was worried about liability. I explained insurance to him, and he was good. He doesn't care about the daycare kids being here, as he's rarely home when they are still here anyhow. Good luck. Explain to your husband how much extra income this will give you. Maybe if he sees it on paper, it'll be better in his mind?

[apples and bananas]

My husband loves it! He works very close to home so he likes the fact that he can pop home during quiet time for a homemade lunch.

[jazmic]

All the above suggestions are great. I'd really encourage you to try and sort things out with your husband and get him on board before you open. Don't underestimate how much you need his support. And you don't want the daycare to turn into a problem for your marriage. Good luck!

[Inspired by Reggio]

I agree that I would sit him down and have a heart to heart about the pros and cons and try to get him seeing the 'benefits' of this option .... because it DOES have lots of benefits but you need an action plan for the CONS because there are those too .... however if you cannot get him on board focused on the BENEFITS I personally would have to seriously reconsider because the cons will easily consume your relationship with your family and roll over into the business

I am not sure I could do this without my families support - it takes a LOT of sacrifice on the part of the family to operate a home based business specially of CHILDCARE where you are inviting other peoples children into your home and space and sharing all that with them ... you need to be able to stay focused on the benefits and work through the cons TOGETHER!

My spouse has always CLAIMED to have been supportive and initially this was HIS idea for me to do this to find some work life balance for my health while still bringing an income and so forth and even still knowing full well what he was going to be dealing with cause I laid it all out on the line before hand because having come from 'centre' care I had an idea about how other peoples kids or other parents could BE there are times when he gets 'venting' about aspects of this business which stresses me out and makes me feel unsupported ... clients parked in his spot when he gets home from work is a big one - he gets down right pissy not just with me but with them for not parking on the road, he has no tolerance for children who repeatedly 'misbehave' for their parents and will get on me to 'terminate those people' cause he does not know how I can stand it - but in reality they are 'out of the house' when it is happening so I am not 'dealing' with it but he sees it as he is coming 'home' from work - he nearly lost it on one kid who constantly kicked snow back onto the freshly shoveled path this past winter, when he is under the weather and stays home and I am still working he gets 'testy' about having to be quiet at nap time or not being able to watch a movie when we are 'in ear shot' and so forth ... there are a few clients I have that while I can manage their personality he is constantly telling me to 'terminate them' because he cannot stand either the mother or the daughter personality ... and this is someone who was ON BOARD with me doing this - cannot imagine how bad it would be if he'd been against it and I had gone ahead and done it anyway

Good luck hon - hope you can bring him around!!

[sunnydays]

I agree with everything Reggio has said! My husband was supportive and on board and he constantly says how glad he is that I am doing this, but still, there are days when he gets quite annoyed at sharing the space...especially when he has a day off and during naptime he has nowhere to go as there are kids sleeping in all areas of the house...and in the morning when he has to get ready for work while parents come and go and so he has to be careful not to be in his underwear, etc. This is a big reason we are looking for a bigger house with a layout that can accomodate a bit more privacy and space for him while I have lots of space still for my daycare. My kids have sacrificed as well...especially my oldest son who is 16. I use his bedroom at naptime as well as the basement rec room where he hangs out, so he also has nowhere to go when he is home during the week on a PD day or if he is sick. He also doesn't get to sleep in because the kids are all here at 8am and making lots of noise (although I have a 2 and 4 year old as well, so that's the norm around here anyway). All this to say, a home daycare is a big sacrifice for all members of the family and although it can be a wonderful way to earn a living while staying home with your kids and can be financially much better than working outside the home (not to mention the benefits of raising your own kids), it does require support from your spouse. So, if your spouse is really against it, you might want to reconsider as it will only get worse when he starts having to share space with the kids and the parents.

[Bookworm]

My husband is really supportive of my doing this. I'm not sure how long I'm in it for but he's all for it. I don't make any major decisions without consulting him (extended hours, taking on a new kid) just because I want to make sure that he okay with it, although he usually just says, "as long as you think you can handle it...".

[Connect]

Honestly, though realistic my husband has been the one telling me not to give up.

He has told me that I may need to look at temporary solutions or for work outside the home (pt), and perhaps taking on clients with different schedules to fill, but he has never said anything bad...or talked down to me because of my choice.

Family will always have doubt, but if you believe you can do this and have a plan...then go for it.....

Why is he so worried?

He is worried about mortgage payments has basically told me that we made need to sell if I want to stay home. I calculated that I would need 1000 dollars a month to pay bills. Worried about debt as well.