So, when did my son move it with you
No, mine is now 6 1/2 and we made it through and you will, too! It's a difficult adjustment, especially when they're a bit older as he is. However, he is old enough to right from wrong. First of all, with night time sleeping, the extra room...how far away is it?? Basement? Split-type half floor away? I'd be thinking about changing him to that room and letting him cry it out. Right now crying gets him what he wants, so why stop?
As far as getting tired of daycare kids. Again, he is old enough that he could just go do his own thing in his room if wants. HIS toys are in HIS room...very important to separate his toys from daycare toys. Having a home daycare for a child means sharing their house, their toys, their mom....but it also allows them privilleges such as being allowed to go to their area of the house, which is not necessarily a daycare area. Involve him in decision making. What does he feel like doing? Which craft? Play in the yard or take a walk? Apples or oranges? Make him feel like he's calling some of the shots.
Sorry my thoughts are kind of coming out randomly..all over the place. For naps...again since he's 4, I'd put the others down then have some one on one time with him. If he seems to be needing a nap, snuggle for a bit. make that the time when you can lie down with him for 5, 10 however long you feel comfortable...
I need to reread your post, to see what else I can think of. I know my son was nuts at interviews and pick-ups....I always thought these parents must think it's like this all day. Then I made SURE he was doing something productive at that time of the day that he wasn't even interested in being near the door. And a little TV during interviews is JUST FINE!