How do you transition little ones never been in daycare before?

[monkeymama]

Hi all,

So far the only kids I have watched have been in daycare before, have been away from mom and dad and basically just blended in right away. Ive been lucky. Ive got a little guy (20 months) starting on monday. Hes never been in a daycare before, has never really been away from mom before.

Im looking for some tips to make the transition easier for him and for mom- shes gonna come check on him at lunch and want to be able to reassure her!

Thanks

[Crayola kiddies]

Yikes .... There is another thread on here that discusses this. If you scroll to the bottom of this page it might be there under similar threads if not you'll find it under "caring for children" and it's entitled "suggestions for parents to help their child transition into group care". Hope this helps and good luck with your new charge!

[apples and bananas]

Eeek... I think having mom "stop in" during the day is a big no no. I wouldn't allow that at all. That's just about when you'll get him to settle, then here comes mom to stop in and run out the door again. I say go in cold turkey. Lots of personal attention, love and hugs, favorite foods etc. Let him cry if he's that upset.

I've sent pics to mom's cell phone mid day before. I let them know I don't do it as a rule, but on the first day they want to see their child adjusted and playing and it stops her from coming back. I also invite texts, phone calls and email during the day if they'd like a quick update.

Then again, at 20 months he could be so amazed by the other children and the new toys that he may not care at all.

I say, have mom explain the process to him in the car "your going to say with ... I'll be back after nap... " Then drop, kiss, hug and get out! Let you do your job. The crying won't last for long.

I break out the balloons on days like this and let the kids throw them around. They all love balloons... they're a great distraction.

Good luck! I love starting them at that age.

[michellesmunchkins]

I agree with apples and bananas that I would absolutely NOT let Mom just swing by. That totally sets the wrong example. he is old enough to understand and will think if he cries or what not that mom will come by and fix things. You`ll have to start over. He`s old enough that mom shouldn`t need to come visit. I don`t allow the parents to come at all once their little ones start daycare. You drop off and you pick up, you don`t confuse your child into thinking you can and or will come to daycare with them.

I too will text or email parents of newbies, but its not everyday. I also here and there text a photo to families who have been here a while just to let them see their children in action. I`m totally the cold turkey mom and daycare provider too and find they adjust soooo much faster then the way I did things before.

[Crayola kiddies]

When I commented the first time on this I must not have read that second paragraph and I am in complete agreement with the above posters ... Coming back mid day is a total no no. I actually have in my policy book that if parents want to come and check on their child they are welcome to do so but they must take their child with them. When a child gets dropped off at daycare they don't expect to see that parent again until it's time to go home and its upsetting to the child to be left again. I would tell her to text you.

[Momof4]

Oh yeah, I have to agree with no phone calls to talk to a child during the day and no drop ins. I have nothing to hide, but it disrupts EVERYTHING! My newest little girl and her Mom had never been apart for a day before she started daycare and we had some BIG troubles with separation anxiety for both of them. Before they officially started I let them come for a few mornings to play with us and when the little girl started I let the Mom stay for about 1/2 an hour in the morning becasue she wasn't back to work yet. The little girl cried and cried for a couple of months but she's really happy here now. However, I email the Mom every afternoon to tell her about our busy morning and our menu for the day. This little girl won't eat the same foods twice in a row for a few days. If we have chicken for lunch, she won't eat chicken again the next day for example, little monster! So, I'm happy to sit down while waiting for the children to fall asleep and fire off that email. I don't text.

My point is that you can find ways to make the Mom still feel a part of her child's life without having her physically at your daycare. What about pictures taken daily and added to your website with a password? I don't know how to do that but I have a friend who does it. I update the pics on my website about once a month so parents can see them.

By the way, you are so lucky you had all great transitions up to now. I had a 7 months screamer once, that's my record holder.

[monkeymama]

thanks for the responses everyone! How would you suggest I tell her its not a good idea to stop in? I dont want to offend her, but I dont want to make the transition more difficult for the little guy...

[apples and bananas]

I would simply let her know that at this age if mom pops in and leaves without him it could create a bigger anxiety problem. He's left in a new place, mom comes to "visit" and leaves without him might be very tramatic to a little one that doesn't understand.

The lesson we need to teach him is ... mom always comes back and picks you up. Popping in to "check" on them is completely contradictory (sp) to that lesson.

The other problem is, a parent who thinks it's ok to pop in once, pops in often! Who wants to added stress of wondering if today mom will pop in or not! It upsets everyone, not just her own child.

[playfelt]

thanks for the responses everyone! How would you suggest I tell her its not a good idea to stop in? I dont want to offend her, but I dont want to make the transition more difficult for the little guy...

One of the rules that most of us have tacked onto our open door policy is feel free to drop in but you leave your child MUST go with you.

That stops those that want to drop in on a break or over lunch to check on child.

Explain to the parent that it is a matter of trust between parent and child. The parent needs to trust that the child has the capability to be ok and that the parent has chosen someone (caregiver) to assist the child as neccessary - provide food, toys, place to be, hugs as needed, diaper changes, etc. The child learns that mom says goodbye at the door and they each go about their "work" which for a child is play and then at the end of the day mom comes back and takes them home.

If mom comes back in the middle of the day "just as she promised" but then doesn't take the child home "just as she promised" that trust is broken and may be a long time in coming back.

Children are very resililient and this is about the parent's insecurities not the child's and that is hard for us to deal with in the sense that we are paid to look after the child not the parent. They are an adult and should get their mind on their work so we can do our work. I know easier said than done but.

[Littledragon]

thanks for the responses everyone! How would you suggest I tell her its not a good idea to stop in? I dont want to offend her, but I dont want to make the transition more difficult for the little guy...

I don't think you;d be offending her. Just tell her you think it would be easiest on the little on if he/she got to know her surroundings a little before he started. Maybe mom could spend a morning and then he/she could for a few hours here and there before start. There will most likely be a lot of crying - when my 11 month old started, he cried for three days. But if gets better, trust me. Just trying and be as calming as possible. My little guy used to sit at the front door and cry for hours. Now, he doesn't want to leave. Although, he's a crier so it would have happened regardless.

Good luck to you! Hope it turns out for you! You never know, he could be looking forward to getting away from mom lol