You're damned if you do and damned if you don't

[fruitloop]

If you don't say anything to parents about their kid's behaviour you are miserable and have to term a kid with the parents dazed as to the reasons why. If you write up a report about the behaviour so the parents are aware of it and that things needs to change (even though you've mentioned to them about the behaviour in the past), the parents pull their kid out. You are damned if you do and damned if you don't! Ugh!

[mom-in-alberta]

Oh no... is that what happened?? Boooooo.
Sorry, and you are right about that with some parents. No matter what you say, or do. Hope you fill the spot soon!
Actually, now that I think of it; I know it's a long ways off, but come December I may have a referral for you? I won't be able to take back a family coming off of mat leave with #2. I can keep you in mind, anyway?

[fruitloop]

Oh no... is that what happened?? Boooooo.
Sorry, and you are right about that with some parents. No matter what you say, or do. Hope you fill the spot soon!
Actually, now that I think of it; I know it's a long ways off, but come December I may have a referral for you? I won't be able to take back a family coming off of mat leave with #2. I can keep you in mind, anyway?

Yup! She sent me an email tonight saying that it might be better if they find him a place with more kids his age/older to play with. I wrote back and told them he would be missed and this was her reply...

"Yes, we are sad too. I'm just worried that if things don't improve enough over the summer and there are problems in the fall with all the babies
that it won't be a good goodbye. I'm sure you agree. Like I said, we've really appreciated your care and support."

This is twice now were I've discussed a problem and given ideas to help fix it but have also said that if things don't improve, I would have to let them go. Both times the parents decided to just pull their kids. I guess in the future, I'll just keep my mouth shut and if things don't change I just term them out of the blue. You try to work with parents and help them out but in the end, I don't think they want the help. They would just rather pick up and leave you hanging.

[playfelt]

One of the reasons I stopped writing daily journals was because it was one thing for parents to hear verbally about their child's day but another to read it in writing and almost all of the issues I had with parents were over something that had been written in the journal. Sorry but not every day is a wonderful one from a daycare perspective and if all you want to know about is the menu and the story we read you can read that off the wall by the door.

It is always our fault there is a problem with a child never the child or parent or at least that is how they think. Even when they say they are working with us it isn't always with us in the way that is helpful.

Anytime you give the hint that you would let them go I can see why they might just say ok well then maybe we should just go on our terms and timings instead since that will be easier for us and not leave us in the lurch. Not sure that I have ever said to the parents that the child is on thin ground as far as staying but I sure have thought it or told my husband I was loosing it as far as that child was concerned.

[Crayola kiddies]

Yes I agree playfelt .... If a provider told me I was facing termination I would find new arrangements as well .... I have written a term letter for a family once had it in my pocket when they arrived for pickup but she was already bawling so I never gave it to her.... But I have never said "imthisclose". I have spoken to them about some aggression issues we had at the beginning of the year and they worked with me a there is no problem now ... Well mostly anyway .... Good luck filling your spot

[gcj]

try making a sandwich. The bad squished between 2 positives. X is improving with sharing. We really need to work on how much X hits, but at least X sits well during his time-outs.
I dunno. Someone once told me that.

[fruitloop]

I did make a sandwich, told them the good with the bad but then told them if things didn't change, I would have no choice for the safety of the group but i also said I was willing to work with them. So, they decided that it might be better if he go somewhere where there were kids his age/older for him to play with. I will never again let parents know there is a problem that will potentially get their care terminated if things don't change. I will either deal with the child on my own or terminate with no advance warning to fix it.

[mom-in-alberta]

try making a sandwich. The bad squished between 2 positives. X is improving with sharing. We really need to work on how much X hits, but at least X sits well during his time-outs.
I dunno. Someone once told me that.

I use the "Poop Sandwich" ALL the time!!

[Momof4]

Aw, sorry you are having problems with the parents. It's worse than having problems with the kids isn't it, yeesh. I'm honest with the parents on a daily basis about their children's behaviour problems. I don't put anything in writing, it's all verbal and you have to know your audience.

Some parents are great and want to make sure their child is behaving and doing well and can see their child's faults clearly. I'm pretty sure I scare away any families at the interviews who are like the ones you describe and the only ones I have in care are the ones like I'm describing. Because from the interview stage I make sure they know that we have to work as a team consistently.

[Momof4]

I feel so bad for you ladies and so lucky with the families in my care. My clients are NOT perfect parents but as I said already, they know from day one that they are always going to get honesty from me and I expect the same from them. They know that I will give 100% but I want to work with them and we must work together. I tell people at the interview that I will go through anything if they work with me but have terminated the families when big issues have arisen and the parents will not work with me. If I scare them away, well that's ok because I didn't want the problems. However, I know for a fact great parents are out there because I working with them here.