Sibling Groups

[samantha3]

Hello,

Does anyone here care for siblings? I have a sibling group (first time) and they are so connected to each other.

If the older child starts to get upset or cry the younger one immediately bursts into tears and does not calm down until the older child is calm.

I am not sure what to do with this because the older child is currently spending a lot of time by himself as he is hitting/kicking/punching etc...

How do you handle sibling groups? Love em or hate em?

[Starshine]

I currently have siblings and they are great together! I would definitely take siblings again. The older one looks out for the little one, helps with things, and the little one takes comfort in the older one.

[Judy Trickett]

Siblings are not my fave. One, they are a financial risk. In Ontario, where you can only have 5 kids in care siblings make up 40% of your income. When they leave (especially if unexpectedly) it leaves you will two spots to fill and a huge income hit.

And, yes, sometimes they are clingy with eachother and that drives me nuts. I find this is especially true with the youngest of the two. The older child takes on the "mothering" role and the youngest child starts to become dependent on the older. I have seen many sibling sets where the youngest child is sooooo NOT independent because the older one hinders their progress. And I value independence and things like being able to do age appropriate things like tidying up when needed, putting on your own outdoor clothing, feeding yourself etc etc.

And, if the oldest is taking on the "mothering" role it makes it VERY hard for the provider to gain the ultimate trust of the younger sibling. And without gaining that trust it makes for a very miserable situation. I find that with these types of sibling relationships the younger one takes forever to transition and just "be happy" and allow ME to help them or trust in ME.

All in all, IF I can avoid it I try not to take siblings. The ONLY positive to having siblings, IMO, is that it one less parent to deal with.

[samantha3]

I am with Judy on this one! 40% of my income is not a fantastic thought, especially since I am having huge behavior problems with one of them (if I let him go, will she pull the younger child?).

Never again!

[Bookworm]

I have twin boys and they are great! Play well with the other children, are not connected at the hip and go off and play with other children instead of each other. They were by far my easiest transition as they didn't really care where they were as long as they knew the other was with them.
With that being said, I don't think I would take on another sibling group as they are a financial risk and you have problems with dependancy.

[Inspired by Reggio]

I agree with the financial risk .... I currently have TWO SETS of siblings so each making up 40% of my income and than one single kid .... come September I loose one set to school FT but the other will be 'splitting' with the youngest staying and the eldest going off to big school.

As for behaviour ~ siblings depends solely on the personality of them ~ I currently have one set I could do with out cause they bicker and fight and act like siblings ALL DAY LONG and another set where they are an awesome support to each other when needed but able to play and go about their thing.

The fact is that the behavior of mothering, feeding off each other, fighting and other issues can just as easily occur with ANY set of kids they do not have to be related for those things to happen I have had little girls who 'baby/mother' the younger children all the time and yes it is annoying constantly having to say 'let Johnny be ~ he needs to learn to do that for himself' or 'Little Sally is not a doll for you to be picking up and carrying around' and so forth.

[sunnydays]

I agree with Reggio...income wise it is a risk, but in terms of behaviour, the set of siblings I have are really supportive of each other and the little one transitioned more easily because his big brother was here. I find it really heart warming to see these two boys give each other cuddles or bugs and kisses during the day and I think it is good for them to have each other. My own kids are wonderful together...they can play for hours on end together (they are 2 and 4) without any intervention from me and they help each other with things and share with each other. of course they fight too, but that is part of learning too (hoever annoying it may be to us) and I have more trouble with some of the dck's who are not siblings fighting with each other. I htink it really depends on how they are being raised at home...many parents expect and unwittingly foster fighting, competetiveness, etc between their kids. I can see how some siblings raised in this manner could be difficult to have in care.

[apples and bananas]

I had twin girls for a while. They were attached at the hip! It was really hard to get them involved with the other kids unless they were doing it together. And they used to hoard toys! They would make piles and hide their piles and no one was alloud to touch their piles... but cuter then anything! They didn't react emotionally to each other, if one got hurt the other would console her. If one didn't get her way and put up a face, the other didn't get too concerned, unless she was having trouble getting her way too.