Parents Blaming Daughter

[Sandbox Sally]

Anyone seen this, either as a DCProvider or as a parent?

I have two school aged kids for the summer. They are only 12 months apart in age, and the girl is the older of the two. The boy is very behaviourally challenged (I have to drag him from things, he screams "NO" at me). The other day, he hit me in the face during the course of my physically removing him from other kids.

When I told his parents about the incident, BOTH of them asked if their daughter was involved. The daughter did verbally disagree with him about something which led to his outburst (whereupon he hit her several times), but this had nothing to do with him veering out of control and hitting ME, in my opinion. After I told mom the whole story from start to finish, she said something along the lines of, "Ohh! That explains it. Daughter started it. She's usually the reason for his hitting." Um....NO. She's NOT the reason for his hitting. HE is the reason for his hitting. Always, every time. I want to mention at this time that her daughter is a GREAT kid with a big heart.

I am not happy with mom's reaction. Not only does this let dcb off the hook for his terrible behaviour, but she is blaming her other child for her son's inability to control his temper. I went on to explain that I didn't care WHAT someone does to her son, he is never to put his hands on somebody in anger. She didn't seem to get my point.

I wonder how often the daughter gets the blame at home. I was so sad for her.

[Toregone]

That just makes me sad to hear about a parent placing blame like that. No advice to give sorry.

[Lou]

Oh wow, that's horrible!! Poor little girl I would make a strong effort to point out at the end of the day a lot of positives for the daughter. Poor thing. As for the son, as a school ager there is no way in heck he'd be getting away with hitting me and if it ever happened again, he would be gone! If it does resort in termination or even further communication, I would make it plain and clear the dcg is more than welcome to stay as she has been nothing but a positive addition to the group, but the dcb's behaviour will no longer be tolerated. Good luck and (((hugs)))

[sunnydays]

Wow! Yeah, for me, that would be a cause for termination without notice. Being hit by a child of that age is not something I could get past. The toddlers learn pretty fast that they can't get away with hitting me, so there is no excuse for a school-aged child! Good luck to you! I know it has been hard for you to fill your spots in your new city...termination is not an easy thing to do when you are stuck!

[Inspired by Reggio]

Oh yup ~ seen that lots over my career and in my own family ~ one sibling walks on water and the others are the root of all evil

[ladyjbug]

Yes, I have come across those types of people. I just never, ever take the bait. Just keep focusing on the son and HIS CHOICE of behavior. Anything said about the daughter is so positive. Wow, she is such a sweet girl! I love having her around! Chances are the son has already realized the way they react to the daughter and uses it to his advantage. If I kept them, which would be a big IF if that is the way they reacted to a serious behavior problem, I would be making it perfectly clear that every child in the daycare OWNS their own behavior and every parent is expected to manage that behavior once notified for the safety of all in care. You will not participate in scapegoating another kid to shirk that responsibility. PERIOD.

[Momof4]

Favouritism in the workplace is horrible, but I don't understand at all how people can have a favourite child. But I know it does happen and it's so sad. We are all responsible for our own behaviour and reactions and children learn with rules and discipline. Parents have to realize that each child is completely different. That poor little girl. So sad.