Biters- do you terminate?

[sunnydays]

I know there has already been a lot posted about biters recently, but since many of us struggle with this, I thought it would be safe to post again on this topic. I have had a biter in my daycare before who I have been able to teach mostly not to bite (he will still do it occassionally, but not hard...he is almost three). His parents were great about working on it at home too and backing me up, so I kept on working on it. Otherwise he is a completely non-agressive child. Now I have another one who is 18 months and he has been biting a lot recently...today he left huge red marks on another child's arm and this wasn't the first time. he has also been hitting, but he may have picked that up from another child who was doing it and has since stopped. The hitting I find easier to deal with, but the biting is really problematic. I can't be sending other children home with bite marks all the time! I give him instant time-outs for biting and talk to him in a serious "I mean business" voice. I also don't leave him alone with the other children, but it still happens when I am there and busy with someone else or turn my back for a second. He will go and try to grab a toy from another child and then get angry and bite when the other child resists. I have spoken to the mom about it and she says she is trying to nip it in the bud, but from what I have seen, she speaks to him so sweetly when he does something wrong, that I really don't think he is getting the message. Any advice on stopping biting? I don't want to have to terminate him as I like him and his family, but I also have to protect the other kids. How do you all deal with biters? Do you stick it out and work with it or do you terminate???

[Bugaboo]

For me personally I have a 3 strike rule. All cases of biting are taken seriously around here. The first time is a conversation with the parents and a discussion of what our action plan is going forward. The second bite, the child is put on probation and a letter is issued stating any further biting is grounds for termination. The 3rd case of biting is termination.
I totally accept that aggressive behaviour is common in toddlers, however, that does not make it acceptable.
Furthermore, I as the provider owe an explanation to the parents of the bitten child. Its not a good conversation and I need to reassure them that I am taking the issue very seriously-- If I don't then I will loose that family and I do not want that to happen especially if they are a great family!

[Inspired by Reggio]

Biting is such a tough challenge for wee ones ~ yes it is human nature to do this however it is not evolved socially acceptable behavior so it cannot be tolerated .... having a strong action plan to help the child move past the stage as quickly as possible is key ~ IMO a child over the age of two should NOT be biting because by than t hey have language and other strategies to use ~ if I had a child THAT old still biting than yes I would be discussing 'termination' if the aggression could not be brought under control in a three strikes type rule!

I thankfully have never had an issue with this since working at home ~ any child who has even 'attempted' to bite a child has always been redirected before contact was made so no 'marks' to have to explain to a child .... than my practice is once I am knowing that they have the 'propensity' for biting after that attempt they are never left in a position to bite again ~ if I am not able to be there to support them and stop it and support/redirect them to a better option to resolve their issue or an outlet to bit something acceptable if it is a teething thing than they are 'confined' to an spot of isolation until I can be there to support them ... so if I am changing diapers, prepping meals, going to the bathroom myself or whatever where my attention is not able to be on this child than the busy the child whose in that 'phase' of biting would be either engaged in play in the playpen or booster seat with something ~ so not a time out as they would have something to do cause it is not a punishment but rather a proactive support for them with the message 'I need you to play in here for a minute please' so that there is no risk of a 'trigger' to cause him to bite ~ the other kids know to give the child 'space' and so forth and well if they go up and poke the bear so to speak when I have taken this step to keep them safe sorry but 'natural consequence' for them to get bitten than

Once a child shows success refraining from trying to bite than I would slowly stop doing the proactive 'isolated play' when I was stepping out of the room as the trust is earned that they can manage on their own.

[Lou]

No, because I have an 'ex-biter' of my own, and I know how completely devestating it is from the parents perspective when you have a biter. It IS completely normal developmentally, but that doesn't help when one child is screaming with a big bite mark on their arm My son's biting phase lasted for about 5 months....he is behind verbally and is a naturally reactive child so these things put together would give him the urge to bite to get his point across. He only bit when someone took something from him, so it was a nasty means of communication. To deal with this, I literally had to be my son's shadow for 2 months...even taking him in the bathroom with me to prevent bites. When he would go in for a bite, I would stop him mid way there and firmly say "There is NO biting, biting hurts. ________ says No thank you". And slowly but surely, he began to respond and say "nah taytoo" (lol) to the best of his ability. He JUST turned 2 and hasn't bitten in 2 months, so here's hoping!!!!
Now, if we were talking about a 3 or 4 yrs old biting continuously and not responding to guidance, they'd be out the door.

[sunnydays]

I do confine him when I leave the room, but i am just wondering how you handle free play when you are in the room. I feel like I cannot have my eyes on this one child the entire time...sometimes I have to interact with other children or deal with other issues with other kids or read a story etc. I don't want to have him in a playpen all day, but the times he bites are often when I am right there, but didn't have my eyes on him at that moment in time to stop him. The thing is that with him, there is no warning usually...with the older child, I can see when he starts to get frustrated about something and I can intervene and talk him through it so he makes better choices, but with this little one, it seems to come out of the blue often.

Biting is such a tough challenge for wee ones ~ yes it is human nature to do this however it is not evolved socially acceptable behavior so it cannot be tolerated .... having a strong action plan to help the child move past the stage as quickly as possible is key ~ IMO a child over the age of two should NOT be biting because by than t hey have language and other strategies to use ~ if I had a child THAT old still biting than yes I would be discussing 'termination' if the aggression could not be brought under control in a three strikes type rule!

I thankfully have never had an issue with this since working at home ~ any child who has even 'attempted' to bite a child has always been redirected before contact was made so no 'marks' to have to explain to a child .... than my practice is once I am knowing that they have the 'propensity' for biting after that attempt they are never left in a position to bite again ~ if I am not able to be there to support them and stop it and support/redirect them to a better option to resolve their issue or an outlet to bit something acceptable if it is a teething thing than they are 'confined' to an spot of isolation until I can be there to support them ... so if I am changing diapers, prepping meals, going to the bathroom myself or whatever where my attention is not able to be on this child than the busy the child whose in that 'phase' of biting would be either engaged in play in the playpen or booster seat with something ~ so not a time out as they would have something to do cause it is not a punishment but rather a proactive support for them with the message 'I need you to play in here for a minute please' so that there is no risk of a 'trigger' to cause him to bite ~ the other kids know to give the child 'space' and so forth and well if they go up and poke the bear so to speak when I have taken this step to keep them safe sorry but 'natural consequence' for them to get bitten than

Once a child shows success refraining from trying to bite than I would slowly stop doing the proactive 'isolated play' when I was stepping out of the room as the trust is earned that they can manage on their own.

[Inspired by Reggio]

To be honest I have only had ONE kid in the past 5 years of home care have this issue cause the play is generally so 'calm' here that they do not get frustrated ~ the most I deal with behaviour wise is the oh so wonderful WHINE and TATTLING of a couple of the girls 'she's looking at me' 'I dont WAAAAAAANT to play .... that type stuff that is annoying but not really 'bad' behaviour

In the playroom I just let 'the potential biter' play ~ I situation myself so that I can always see the 'potential biter' out of corner of my eye and to be honest I did not sit ON the floor during this time I stayed in a chair so I could move in a blink if need be and just made sure to keep my eye on the child ~ kinda like driving a car with the 10 second rule of looking in your mirrors and bac to the road ahead ~ so if I was reading a book to a small group of kids I was reading - glancing up at child - reading - glancing up so that if there was another child 'near' them than I was doing that even more often. I also put a 'teething ring' ON the child so that I could redirect 'bite on this if you are feeling the need to bit' cause most of the issue was 'teething' ....child was just sore so was mouthing everything and anything so having the 'acceptable outlet' to redirect too moved the child through the phase quickly.

I will admit I think it is easier for me because I am anal about my age groupings in my care ... so I never have more than 1 children in this stage at once the other kids are all older .... for example my group generally consists of a child who is 1, a child who is almost 2 and the others are almost 3, almost 4 and almost 5 ... so than by the end of the summer the 5 year old leaves for Grade 1 cause they are 'almost 6' now and than makes room for a new 1 year old and the other kids are now almost 2, almost 3, almost 4 and almost 5 again and I have done this consistently since opening with average turn over of 1 client a year .... until this year when I had clients 'leave' last year mid year due to a move out of city and screwed up my 'start times and ages' so now I currently have a 1 year old, 2.5 year old and two 4 year olds and a 6 year old and in September I will loose all 3 of the oldest at the same time to full day early learning and grade one however when filling my spaces I am looking for children OVER 2 it is just taking me a little longer to fill those spaces

Once Full day Early Learning starts for ALL schools and there are no 4-5 year olds my guess is that I will reevaluate my business plan to have LESS kids in care since it will be hard to find enough 'over 2 year olds' and you will only have them such a short time before they are in school full time

[sunnydays]

Thanks Reggio! I know that it is part of the challenge having so many little ones, but when advertising, I never could find any over 2 year olds! I finally gave up and decided to just go ahead with the one year olds (I have three 17-18 month olds) and it is a challenge to have my eyes on all of them at once, but I do manage to keep them safe, happy, and don't have too many "owies" to report as I try really hard to make sure everyone is playing safely. I haev removed the couch I used to have in my playroom because they little ones were climbing on it so much I decided it wasn't worth the battle, but maybe I should put a chair in there for me so that I can sit and watch from a higher vantage point and have the speed of movement that you mentioned. I don't want to give up on this little guy as I have made so much progress with him in other ways (he is finally following my rules of not trying to run away from the park, I have worked with his parents together on mouthing and he has reduced that by 90%, he now stays in time-out when I put him there, etc). I am hoping to conquer this with him too!

[Inspired by Reggio]

Oh hon ~ not judging ... I worked for over 15 years in infant and toddler care where the ratio was up to 1:5 children under 2 so I totally know that the young ratio is manageable ~ it is just that because there are so many in the same age feeding off each others lack of social development your 'incidents' of risk are going to be higher and it is just more demanding to stay on top of them.

In centre care with so many all in the same age and stage accident and incidents reports were 'higher' because of the law of averages so to speak ~ even when you had an awesome calm program when you have ALL the kids learning to walk at the same time you cannot 'catch them all' if they stumble, if you have ALL the kids teething you cannot prevent the biting and so forth cause you only have two hands, two eyes and so forth .... so it is not anything you are doing or not doing it is just the reality of that age group.

[sunnydays]

Thanks reggio! I knew you weren't judging me I also know I am not alone...many of us are in this situation since kids start school at 4 now. Sometimes I do wonder if I am doing something wrong though because I have two biters now! My own children have never been aggressive (I have three and none of them have hit or bitten other children) and I think I foster a caring and sharing environment, but I guess you are right...it is because they are all struggling to learn the social skills and I cannot have my eyes on each of them all the time. I will keep on struggling and see if it starts to get better. If not, by September I may have to consider termination....but I am really hopeful that it won't come to that. Thanks for your support!

[Momof4]

I wouldn't terminate but I would definitely be talking to the parents, then if the behaviour didn't improve I would type out a letter with a deadline to see improvement or else. Sometimes the parents have to know you are serious about some things.