Normal 6 yr old Defiance, or is Something Else Going On?

[Sandbox Sally]

I have a 6 yr old little guy for just the summer. This is his 3rd week here with me. He can be sweet and well behaved, but for the most part, I am having a rather difficult time dealing with him and his behaviours and reactions to gentle discipline.

Things I have seen that concern me:

- he has severe speech impediments to the point that my children can't understand him more than half the time (I can, but I have to listen very carefully). This is obviously a potential source of frustration, but the rages I mention after this haven't been about this.

- as I mentioned in another thread, he regularly assaults his 7 yo sister physically, and has punched me in the face

- nearly every day, I have had to pick him up by the torso and physically remove him from a situation.

- he crosses his arms and screams, "NO" at me when I ask him to do the simplest of tasks

- he refuses to eat anything but junk food. He was at the table for 90 minutes today at lunch as he would not even bite, smell or look at the stew I made.

- he goes into uncontrollable rages when the other children disagree with him about minor issues.

- he pees his pants and one day when he fell asleep on my couch, he peed on my couch.

Is this average 6 yo behaviour on any level? I have three children who are older than him, but none of them did any of these things at his age, or any other age to be honest.

If you see any red flags, do you think I should mention it to the parents? Will they pick up on these things at school? Is it my place? Since I only have him for the summer, should I just mind my own business and let his parents and school take care of it?

As I have also mentioned before, his parents don't seem to hold him accountable for much, and were not surprised by either the incontinence or the violent behaviour.

[michellesmunchkins]

wow, the violence would concern me. My son is 6 and he gives me a run for my money lol but never like what you are describing. My daughter is 17 and I never had that with her either. I don't take school age children into care so I've never had a child behave like this but I did have 2.5 year old twins behave like that and I felt they needed therapy as something more was going on. I would never allow a child to hit me and continue care with me at that age as he fully well knows exactly what he is doing. Speech problem or not, he knows and has other methods to display his upset/anger. Is this how he behaves at home? Is he allowed to get away with this crap with his parents?

[Inspired by Reggio]

....Is this average 6 yo behaviour on any level? ....

I feel like a broken record but EVERYTHING you've shared sounds like extreme lack of sleep and an over tired child who lacks the resilience and problem solving skills to cope with the days 'normal' stresses!

My first question would be what are his SLEEP patterns at home and do you offer him a REST at daycare?

My next would be are there certain times of the day his 'behaviour' is worse and could it be changes in his blood sugar ~ you mentioned he has a 'sweet junk food' perference which means he might be a high carb eater which will cause highs and lows in glucose levels and trust me having HIGH glucose can cause anger out bursts even in the most gentle person

IMO no it is not NORMAL for a 6 year old child to be so full of aggression and not have proper conflict resolution skills .... this might be due to his speech delays but are those being ADDRESSED in the home or at school?

[Starshine]

My own child is 6 years old and he does not do any of those things. That is not normal behaviour, any of it. If it was me, I would be having a long talk with his parents and finding out what they are doing to change this behaviour in him--and if they are not putting in the effort to help him, I would terminate. If a child isn't being taught how to behave at home nor being appropriately disciplined, you aren't going to be able to help him all on your own--you need the parents on board.

[Momof4]

Um, red flags, yesssss. My main motto is that I will be honest with the parents about anything that bothers me and they MUST help solve the problems. Consistency for the child at home and at daycare will help them learn there are no other options where bad behaviour is concerned.

[Sandbox Sally]

Hmm, he might be tired. Good point, and to be honest, not something I had thought of since he's a little old for a nap. The kids tell me that they go to bed around 8 and get up around 8 as well, but maybe this isn't enough for him. I am going to offer him a lay down in my son's room from now on during quiet time...I am thinking even if I let him lay down with books, he may fall asleep.

A couple of times, he has fallen asleep while we are in the car, so maybe this will work!

I won't terminate, simply because they're only here for another 6 weeks, and to be perfectly frank, with only one other part timer right now, I need their income.

Thanks! I'll keep you updated.