Nearing my wits end!

[Harmoni]

I recently had a 5yr girl start coming to my dayhome, so far it has been a nightmare! Right from day one she has been messing in her pants both pee and poop, mostly poop though. About the fifth day into it I had her sit on the toilet for probably 30-40mins and nothing, broke down and put a pull up on within 5mins she had filled it! She also has no problem sitting in it, lies to me saying she hasn't pooped. The smell does not keep her secret for very long the other children are now complaining of the smell. The parent just keeps saying that at home this doesn't happen, but since have heard differently from mutual contacts that have asked how things are going. And sadly that is not all, she has tore up carpet, played in the toilet, poked holes in water proof covers on a futon, stuck rocks up her nose, spits, kicks, repeatedly hits and slap and comes with horrible language for kids to be using!!!
So I guess what I'm wondering is this a phase? Or what? Home life seems to be no more worse or hectic then any others. I'm 99% sure she can feel when she has to go. I've never had this happen with any of my new dayhome kiddos, nor my friends dayhome kiddos. I'm finding it very demanding to keep dissenfecting all areas numerous times a day compared to basic sanitizing daily. Reasoning, timeouts, charts nothing seems to work. Not to mention getting a little costly on my part with pull ups and wipes, cleanning products or the things being destroyed. Logically I know I should terminate, but hate to put a family in a tough spot if it can be resolved. Sorry about the long vent any advice will be greatly appreciated!!!

[sunnydays]

First of all, honestly I would be terminating with a child that age acting that way! Secondly, why are YOU buying pull-ups and wipes? Shouldn't the parents be buying those and sending the child in a pull-up since she is clearly refusing to use the toilet at your house? That kind of behaviour from a 5 year old would be completely unacceptable to me and I would think it unfair to the other kids to expose them to it. You either have to have a really clear action plan to which the parents agree and start coming down hard with serious consequences for destructive behaviour etc or you ahve to terminate and cut your losses.

[dodge__driver11]

Soory hun, but I woulda wrote a termination notice when she starting damaging my property..Potty issues aside that is a HUGE NO NO HERE I would also be issuing a bill to her parents for said damage. I also do not tolerate ANY PHYSICAL ABUSE from my dck eithier.

Do her parents know about this?

even if they do that would be my course of action. No ifs ands or buts about it.

[treeholm]

This doesn't sound like a situation that you have the power to fix, so I see no other option but to terminate.

[Crayola kiddies]

I would terminate ..... You should not be supplying pull ups and wipes and a 5 yr old should know better then to play in a toilet and damage your possesions...... There is a bigger issue here..... The parents have lied to you ..... They know she is like this and she has obviously been furred from other day homes. That is why mutual friends are asking how it's going cause they know too what she is like. You have a responsibility to the other children in your day home, they do not deserve to have to spend their days with a child who hits, kicks, spits and craps their pants at the age of 5. Not to mention the potty mouth these other children are learning. The other parents are going to be none too pleased when their child starts saying what they learned at daycare. Get rid of this kid before before the other parents remove all the others ..... And don't be worried about leaving his family in a bind ... I'm sure they are used to it by now and they certainly weren't thinking of you when they didn't give you full disclosure regarding their child's behavior.

[mimi]

this child needs professional help. You do not have the capacity to deal with this girl. Such an unfortunate situation for everyone involved. The parents need to take her to a doctor and you need to terminate this family for your sake, their sake(so they will realize the severity of this little girls issues) and the sake of your d/c children. Side note: you should not be providing/paying for the diapering supplies used by the children - that's the parents responsibility.

[Other Mummy]

OMG... This child has done ALL THIS...and you still haven't terminated because you feel badly for putting the parents in a "spot".???

Nothing more to add that hasn't already been said. I just cannot believe it You do not need to tolerate this!

[3xbluemom]

I agree with the others. Something is going on here that is beyond your scope as the caregiver to address. What her parents really need to do is take some time to stay home with her and get things under control before putting her in another child care situation. Of course, that is up to the parents to decide, but you don't have to continue dealing with their problem child. Destroying your property, being physically aggressive, enough is enough! It's time to say, sorry, but for the safety of the other children, I can't care for her anymore.

[Littledragon]

I agree with the others. If you're adament on keeping her, you need to have a CLEAR plan of action and mom and dad need to be on board. They should be supplying the pullups and wipes (do you have babies, do their parents supply the wipes and diapers?) If it were me, and she was damaging my property and being physical with the other kids, and mom and dad were aware and trying to help the situation, I would definitely be terminating.

[Judy Trickett]

That kid needs to go. Terminate her. You do NOT have to keep every kid you take on.