ANOTHER Potty Training Question!

[Inspired by Reggio]

I tend to agree with Starshine that this would be my first thought as well ~ I know from the ADULT perspective of the world the coincidence of this behavior seems like SPITEFUL behavior however children's emotional development really is 'immature' at this age and not the complex range that WE have as adults to be 'spiteful'?

I firmly believe that 99% of children WANT to behave and make good choices and when they do not it is because they lack the skills or resources to make the choices we want ... aka lack of impulse control between the emotional impulse of wanting something and the brain sending the cognitive message ' hey no don't do that its against the rules' but the impulse wins out and they've done it before the brain message of NO gets to them and by that time the adult is already giving them trouble .... this is why you see some kids hit another child and than go SORRY right after before an adult even intervenes ~ they know it was wrong but the impulse was too quick for them restrain it back in. The other 1% behave negatively because their brain is not wired normally ~ these are your true sociopaths who take 'pleasure' in the negative reactions of others for whatever reason.

So knowing this is how the child's brain works at this age I would be more inclined to think that during the time out his 'emotions' are more around being upset, embarrassed, confused as to why he cannot control his body and maybe a little anger because he does not 'get' why he is in a time out cause he did not mean it and its not fair he got in trouble and so forth .... with all these emotions going on the last thing that is likely on a child's mind is paying attention is their 'bladder' signals ... aka he is likely peeing just because he is upset and his muscles are all tight due to his emotions being so strong and in an attempt to 'relax/calm himself' he relaxes too much and pees his pants ..... children really are too egocentric to be spiteful cause that would mean they are thinking of someone else besides themselves in that moment

Besides I am a grown adult and I will tell you that when I am faced with conflict, having made a mistake that results in someone else being angry or upset with me ~ my stomach and intestines are the first thing affected by my emotional turmoil in that moment ... I generally want to run away from the conflict and go to the bathroom as a result ... difference being as an adult I have way more 'control' of my bodily functions from years of practice plus I know I CAN excuse myself and go if I need to where a child whose been told to 'sit and don't move' does not know this and is so stays 'put' .... and pee their pants

Another challenge for kids with 'emotional bladder' is we tend to think that them asking to go to the bathroom in the midst of conflict is manipulation to avoid the trouble and do not let them go anyway and than vicious cycle cause when they 'pee/poo' as a result the adult gets more angry cause their instinct is to think the spite thing .... I know this first hand cause I had my fair share of accidents as a kid when my dad was give me shit for something 'minor' that than resulted in a beating as a result of peeing on purpose to spite him ~ you'd think if I could have CONTROLLED not peeing myself in that first moment of the minor trouble I was in for 'forgetting to put something away' or 'taking something that was not my turn' that I would have held my pee to avoid the beating that followed from letting it go