Sllloooooowwww eater dilemma- advice please!

[Lou]

So, I have this little peanut who just turned 3 in May. She's been with me since March and has fit in wonderfully. She has come so far with her self sufficiency skills, potty training, and feeding (literally could do NOTHING on her own due to extreme coddling at home).
I don't know if you remember me mentionaing before that I had a horrible eater who would literally go the enitre day without eating a single bite because all she is fed at home is McDonalds and dry sugary cereals. She was not impressed with my healthy menu and no amount of positive reinforcement ("when your plates are clean we can have a cookie"), or "when you are finished, you can go play", etc even phased her so I stopped trying. If she didn't eat, she didn't eat.

Well, recently, she's started eating!! She still won't eat for Mom at home, but she's eating fruits and veggies and healthy foods of all sorts here now. She seems to have real sensory isses with foods and will gag at least once at every meal.

So, here's my dilemma. Since she's started eating, lunch takes FOREVER. It takes the other kids max 20 min to eat their lunch, and her at LEAST 45 minutes (I've taken it away at 1 hour) Under normal circumstances, I would put a time limit on her lunch, and take it away at that time saying "lunch is over!". However, I'm just so happy that she's finally eating a balanced diet that I don't want to put a hinder on that either. She doesn't complain when the other children get down and go play, she just sits there and continues to eat taking little wee bites but still constantly eating. It seems strange that at age 3 she is still getting the hang of eating, but that's exactly what it looks like from my perspective.

I've considered just letting her do her thing and be more patient for a few months until she's comfortable food-wise, and I've considered trying to nip it in the bud now and giving her a time limit.

Thoughts? Suggestions? (sorry so long!)

[Inspired by Reggio]

Hmmm ~ I would be afraid to rock the cart too since she has had 'issues' with eating ~ specially since it is not impacting the others being able to go on about their play and so forth ... however that said having that long to eat is not going to be an option come time for school so I get the concern to have a goal of 'quicker eating' ..... so perhaps looking at how long you have until she has to go to school and only has a 15 minute break for meal time and than doing a gradual weaning back on the time allowed from the 45 minutes, to 40 minutes, to 35 minutes and so forth at several week increments?

[Lou]

Fortunately, she does start J/K until Sept 2013 so I do have that time to work with!

[Littledragon]

I agree with Reggio. I wouldn't force it too much. One thing I've learned (and read) is that you cannot force a child to eat, no matter how much you want to. I have a 15 month old who wouldn't eat too, for a long time, but soon realized it was problems at home. I think maybe it's a trust thing. She was probably coddled at home when it came to eating (spoon fed, finger fed by mom or dad) so when she got to your care, like you said, she didn't like the way it was run. But now, mom and dad are probably frustrated that their kid will eat for you and not them so they may get frustrated with her. I think she may have a complex. So with you, her eating is something she knows is safe to do, but she's still not sure about it so she wants to take her time and trust you, herself, and her food. I know it sounds weird, but this is what i determined with my little one. Once I left him to his own devices, he eventually took shape. He eats things here he won't at home and I KNOW his dad gets mad because he's told me how frustrating it is, but on his full days here, he eats like a horse! And I think it's bc I don't get mad. i don't force. I just started giving him less food so he woulnd't waste anything, and just let him be. It worked. I would do the gradual thing like Reggio said too.

[Momof4]

I've had some slow eaters here too. And I have a gagger who was just sent home yesterday for gagging himself and throwing up all over his lunch plate, ewwwww! HE IS 4 YEARS OLD! But anyway, back to the slow eaters. At breakfast I let them take as long as they need until it's time to go outside, then I take their food away. At lunch I've had them miss circle time and go straight from the lunch table to their beds.

As they grow older they should learn to understand that they are missing out on fun times but I had a little girl who did this right up until the time she left for JK. I learned to give her really small portions and if she miraculously ate something quickly, then I gave her some more, but I was always throwing food in the garbage and that makes me upset.

[playfelt]

I would start lunch early enough that she can stay at the table and eat as long as she is willing. Plan something quiet for the other kids to do after lunch or leave everyone at the table and read stories or put on a tape of stories while they colour. Then at least the child wouldn't be alone although if it is too distracting for her then of course the eating comes first.

The fact you have had issues getting her to eat it is more important to let her get the eating down even if it takes a long time - provided she is actually eating and not just playing with the food.

[giraffe]

I would start her a little earlier than the others and then limit her time afterwards. In my home, I cannot supervise 4 children and 1 child who is still at the table. I personnaly feel that 30-45 min is plenty of time to eat.

[Mamma_Mia]

I have the same issue!

She had nothing for lunch...not even the fruit. When my daughter asked for a yogurt she said "me too me too"..... She had 1/2 a spoon and gagged...then it just sat there. DH got home and had himself a chocolate chip cookie, of course the kids wanted one - I got one for each older girl (not the baby) and she ate it in seconds! So she CAN eat she just chooses not to and only JUNK!! Mom takes her to McDonalds 2-3 times a week!

Yesterday after making a nice turkey sandwich for her dinner (per her request) - when I give it to the children I cut it into 4's....well my daughter who's 2.5 finished eating it all while the 3yr old only had 2 bites of ONE 1/4 and that was with me telling her to chew, eat, bite etc.

Dad came to p.u and she was crying because I told her she couldn't leave her chair until she finished one of the 1/4's. Dad then said "its ok pumpkin...do you want dad to order pizza for you?" and the tears stopped.

Ughhhh.......why do I bother?? I should just give her liquids all day and not watse my $$ on making food for her.