Quote Originally Posted by jec View Post
I had chatted with Mom about his hand down the top and that he's very physical and apparenlty Dad is the same..doesn't give anyone personal space *sigh*
Looks like there isn't much I can do to help curb the behavior if dad is the same...
i've just never come across a little one who needs so much skin contact before. Seems you ladies have so seems normal .....just nothing I've come across but, will be letting him know hugs only for me and the other kids. Keep it positive *fingers crossed*
The parent is giving you an answer that means "it can't be helped" "it's in him genetically" "he's just like his Dad" so that they don't have to deal with it. It's a VERY common parental response. If they convince you that it is beyond their control and perfectly natural part of this child's genetic makeup then it's the same as saying "you deal with it... we are who we are".

I would stop ALL physical contact with him that wasn't generated by me. When he puts his hands on you take them hand... lift it up in the air away from you and say "leave it". Turn him away from you and have him walk away the opposite direction of you. When he turns around he will see your back walking away.

Now you can still love him up whenever you want but YOU initiate it all. All on your terms... not his. You are perceiving his "in your face" style as a personal space issue and it most likely is a CONTROL issue. It's him dominating the moment with you and the kids. He's testing you guys all out to see if he can dominate and getting mixed reviews so he keeps on doing it.

It's not a boundary issue... a comfort range... or affection. It LOOKS like affection but you know that little thing inside of you that goes off when he does it to you and the kids... that gnaw in your stomach... THAT'S correct. Trust your gut. Simple as this: If you don't like it then it's wrong. If it makes you feel uncomfortable... it's wrong. If it bothers you for the other kids... it's wrong.

So pick a clear response to shun it and turn away from it each and every time he does it. It will take a few weeks for him to GET that he doesn't have to dominate... "that way". He doesn't have to seize control by getting all up in everyones taco salad. He can get the attention he wants and the interaction he needs by being a good player... being creative... being gentle and kind. He can't DEMAND it by being inappropriate with his body by touching or getting into everyone elses space.