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I think what has put me on guard is that I didn't meet the Dad until the first day at drop off. I normally meet both but it was the Mom who came for the interview and play dates but Dad who drops off and picks up.
I had a family I had to terminate that I never met the Dad and he turned out to be a real %^&#$@! and last day came to chew me out in my front hall when I home alone with my own kids to drop off final payment.
I think Im on eggshells as he reminds me of him. Moving forward I'm going to just keeping things quick with him at pick up and drop off and limiting how much I tell them. I might even be stressing them out more by giving too much info??
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I think the reason some of the parents can intimidate us is because in order to choose this profession, we have to have a certain level of warmth and caring as personality traits. Those of us with that personality find it difficult to be assertive. I teach assertiveness as part of my third-year university communications course, and it is always the students with the "listener-style" personality profile (according to the personality profile system I developed) who have the biggest problem with assertiveness. I am a "split-personality". I'm very warm with the children (and with my students) but I can be assertive (many students over the years have been shocked to see the personality change when they ask for assignment extensions and get my alter ego LOL).
I guess what I'm saying is there is nothing wrong with any of us who hate confrontation, but we do need to learn the skills necessary to prevent us from being doormats. We're just the kind of people who give and give, and there are others who are happy to take and take... but only if we let them!
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The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to treeholm For This Useful Post:
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Euphoric !
My advice moving forward - never sign on a client where you have not met BOTH parents unless it is a single parent and you will never have to deal with the non custodial parent!
As much as it is nice to be flexible it is not always practical in GROUP CARE where you have to make decisions that are best for the GROUP overall.
Also children's needs CHANGE once in group care - they are ofte up earlier to get to daycare verses when home on mat leave and once at care they are more stimulated and engaged and therefore likely to sleep more or different .... parents need to accept that change and work WITH the provider through open communication about what's working in care verses at home!
Life is too short to work with people who do not respect your opinion or trust your judgement and make you feel small - stand tall and proud of your program and ability to meet the children's needs - his choice is to accept that or FIND ALTERNATE CARE!
Children construct their own intelligence. The adult must provide activities and context, but most of all must be able to listen. Children need proof that adults believe in them. Their three great desires are to be listened to, to understand, and to demonstrate that they are exactly what we expect."
Loris Malaguzzi
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Euphoric !
I agree Treeholm - you can be assertive while still being caring and nurturing - and it is vital to learn to manage both to be successful in business!!!
Children construct their own intelligence. The adult must provide activities and context, but most of all must be able to listen. Children need proof that adults believe in them. Their three great desires are to be listened to, to understand, and to demonstrate that they are exactly what we expect."
Loris Malaguzzi
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Those who know me, know I have no problem being assertive !!
I`m always learning about my business going into year 3. The way I wanted to run my daycare and the policies I have in place are always evolving with experience with the different families.
The one thing I do miss from working in my office is having co-workers to talk with when you need someone to throw an idea off of- or get a second option that puts things into perspective.
I`m a wee bit sensitive today with a head cold and pms
Just this Dad made me feel like the last family and only that I had to terminate who left on such a bad note and left a bad taste in my mouth.
Your right Reggio- never again. I even mentioned to another provider before accepting this family that I never met the Dad and was uneasy about it and I should have listened to myself and insisted on meeting him before the first day of care. Always trust your gut!!
I learned a few things today, giving too much information isn`t good for either me or the parents. Yes, it`s their little one and I like to work with my parents but they need to trust me but as a Mom of 2...I don`t trust too many with my own
Thanks for the support ladies and the boost I needed ! have a great weekend.
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oh and nobody can make you feel a certain way, only you can let them. Not easy all the time but the extra boost of confidence and support you ladies gave me helped me see that today
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First of all, I find this really wrong:
Nap time however has been a challange. Her parents have asked me to keep her sleep schedule at home the same here to help with her adjustment to daycare and I have no problem with that
When I am interviewing a family and then signing them on, one of the most important things we discuss is that we have a very busy routine and that I want the new baby to be on our schedule as much as possible. I discuss times with the the parents and meet them in the middle so that the 4 children ALREADY HERE IN DAYCARE are nudged gently toward a time that will fit in with the new baby's afternoon nap. If the new baby still needs a morning nap then I ask the parents to try to get them in the habit of napping at the time they will be in the stroller while we walk to the park. It's a COMPROMISE! But we are BOTH working on making things easier for ALL the children.
As you can probably tell, this makes me quite angry for you. There is no way I would allow a man like that to treat me badly in my own home and you should NOT let it happen! If he interrupts you next time, give him a glare and say Excuse me! You won't be the one being rude, it's him!
You have to tell these parents that you are caring for ALL the children and you are a super busy woman and YOU run the business and make the schedule and for the HEALTH of the children mealtimes and naptimes should be consistent day by day, yes, but they are with us 5 days a week and at home 2 days a week, so of course their little bodies are tuned to OUR schedules!!! Arghhhh!
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The Following User Says Thank You to Momof4 For This Useful Post:
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A thank you is worth a million bucks, isn't it? I know it really makes my day. I'm happy for you jec.
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Euphoric !
I agree a sincere thank you can go a VERY long way with dealing with a child's challenging behaviors and a spouses moody tones and hopefully they will be better in the future for sure!
Children construct their own intelligence. The adult must provide activities and context, but most of all must be able to listen. Children need proof that adults believe in them. Their three great desires are to be listened to, to understand, and to demonstrate that they are exactly what we expect."
Loris Malaguzzi
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