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  1. #1
    Euphoric ! Dreamalittledream's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Ontario east
    277 Times in 200 Posts

    Baby refuses Mom/Dad

    I've been caring for a little 8 month old girl for 2 months now; long days...from 7:30am to 6pm, every other week. Dad is a constant, but Mom works 7 days on, 7 days off in a city 10 hours away...so she doesn't see her at all the weeks she works. Lately every day she's been crying and holding her arms out to me when I hand her over to Dad at the end of the day. And as for Mom, she really looks at her strangely when she picks her up after 7 days, and does the same, crying out for me. Poor them! I feel so horrible! Her parents love her so much and I remember that guilt. I've tried keeping her playing on the floor and having Mom or Dad pick up from the floor (rather than from me)...still the same. This is their first child and they just adore her, I feel so awful when that happens. Fortunately, they laugh it off saying that it's a good thing that she's so loved here. I am so thankful every day that I have the chance to be home with my children & for our family to have the same schedule to be able to have breakfast & dinner together every day.
    Children are great imitators.
    So give them something great to imitate.


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  3. #2
    Starting to feel at home...
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    56 Times in 43 Posts
    That is so sad. I thank God for being able to stay home too. Poor parents!

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  5. #3
    That is a very long day for you and the little one. Sounds like you are her constant. I`m also thankful to have a job where I am home with my babies

  6. #4
    Euphoric !
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    677 Times in 507 Posts
    I have a little one (15 months) and at drop off she is starting to cry when parent leaves but at pick up when the parent walks in she takes one look at them and runs the other way and throws herself on the floor and cries .... After she is dressed and ready to go as I'm saying bye she's reaches back out for me and makes a fuss going out the door . The first time it happened I think the parent almost had a stroke

  7. #5
    Euphoric !
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    949 Times in 781 Posts
    Well, you are a treasure! There is no way I would allow a child to be here more than 9 hours a day and I'm very happy that half of my clients use an 8 hour day or shorter. 9 hours is a long day when you figure all the work we have to do after the children leave for the day.

    No wonder that poor baby thinks you are her mama, that's so sad! Look at all the hours you care for her and the few hours every evening the parents spend with her.

  8. #6
    Euphoric ! Inspired by Reggio's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    946 Times in 686 Posts
    Oh that is a hard thing to have to deal with ~ it sounds like because of the time the child is in your program and the consistency and routine that that time offers her is resulting in her bond and attachment to you being strong than to the parents .... regardless of their love for her the fact remains that 'attachment and bond' is built through TIME together with the parent as the primary caregiver .... and due to the nature of mom being gone for weeks at a time and dad leaving her in your care YOU are in that role because you are caring for her almost 12 hours a day and well the other hours are mostly 'sleeping hours' at home!

    I could not imagine as a parent choosing to be spending that much time away from my wee child .... is there no way mama can find work closer to home or that they can relocate to moms work and dad find new work cause honestly outside of that if the child continues to be in the care of 'non family members' for 12 hours a day the parents are going to be dealing with attachment issues for the rest of the child's life which is going to get worse as the child gets older and does not have a bond of trust or attachment with them to get them through those tough times of the child pushing for autonomy and so forth
    Children construct their own intelligence. The adult must provide activities and context, but most of all must be able to listen. Children need proof that adults believe in them. Their three great desires are to be listened to, to understand, and to demonstrate that they are exactly what we expect."
    Loris Malaguzzi

  9. #7
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    British Columbia
    1 Time in 1 Post
    It's actually a very normal behaviour. I've had many children do it. It's just a reaction to leaving one they feel close to. It does not mean that they love you more than their parents. In fact, they do not feel as securely attached to you, and may not understand that you will be there for them another day. They KNOW that the parents will be there for them so they don't have to worry about that.

  10. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    117 Times in 76 Posts
    It is bad for public realations that's for sure. You can minimize it by handing the baby off with firm body language Turn the baby outwards towards the parent while holding her at your core. Have her back up against your chest .... centered midline. Walk toward the parent with her this way......... hand her to the parent ......... then turn your back and walk three to four steps away..... then turn to the child. Stand off to the side of the parent and continue to back away if the child starts flailing towards you. Cross your hands in front of yourself and only give eye contact to the parent. Don't make moves towards the baby and don't take her back into your arms if she fusses. Just let the Mom know that all the kids do this at some point at this age and you would be worried about her if she wasn't doing it. Transitions are hard and the baby SHOULD express her feelings about not liking it. It's a GOOD thing.
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