Single mothers

[daycarewhisperer]

I just wrote a status update on my Facebook about his at the end of July We had a pretty healthy discussion about it but here are my posts:

"I've been getting inquiries for the day care and nearly all of them begin with "Hi, I'm so and so and I'm a single mom". I always answer back. "Hi, I'm a single mom too". I can't figure out what the deal is of why the parent thinks it's important to add that at all to the email much less as the intro line. What does being a single parent have to do with hiring child care? I would imagine there are next to zero providers who would only take kids if the parents were married so it can't be to test you out to see if you allowed children who don't have two parents at home. What gives? I don't see what it has to do with child care other than it may change having two people drop or pick up instead of one. Other than that it doesn't really affect the child care relationship. Why would the mom think it was something I should know from first sentence on?"

"In nearly two decades of doing child care I've never expected my clients to offer additional fees to me because I'm a single parent. It makes me wonder what the single mothers expecting some financial discount for being single are doing to offer special and free to other single moms? Is it just to RECEIVE special or do they offer special to other single moms?"


"Where else would they be purchasing service or goods that would give them a discount for being a single parent? That's what I can't figure out. Where are they getting concessions in regular life because of being a single parent? I get that they may get free child care or qualify for insurance/food. I'm just wondering what they actually PAY for that is dicscounted for them being a single mom. I'm a single mom and I can't figure out where to get the discounts. LOL"

"I can see offering a military discount. I would do that for sure. I can't see offering a discount for something as common as being a single parent. With all the subsidies, health care, food stamps etc. out there for the poor, I think that as a society we are offering quite a bit from the go. To extend that to child care that's supported by us seems a huge stretch to me. With a military family, I can see offering a Vet a discount to honor their service to our country. I can't for the life of me figure out why special consideration should be considered for someone who is parenting by themselves. It's really common, it's not something that is earned, it's not something that draws sympathy or compassion that would extend to a monetary reward. I just don't get it."

My new policy is when given the info of "I'm a single mom" I respond with "I'm a single Mom too. We welcome families of all kinds... single dads, single moms, foster and adoptive parents, and married couples. We only limit clients if they are unable to pay the fee or unable to follow the policies. We do not disciminate regarding the parents marital status.

[Romeo]

It’s a pity that things are going this way.

[sunnydays]

I don't think this debate is anything more than a debtate...nothing worthy of removing the thread for! I htink this type of open discussion is very healthy and we need more of it in our society where everyone goes around thinking their own thoughts and not saying it for fear of offending...then we don't get the benefit of learning from others. I also found Cocoon's statements offensive, not because she decided this one woman may be a scammer and not because there are single mothers out there who are gold diggers...we all know these things exist, but it was offensive because it refers to singel mothers in general and the assumption is that they are all rich and their husbands are the victims. It goes both ways and I have known far more poor struggling single moms than the rich sort mentioned above. We all create our world view and assumptions from what we have experienced in our lives and who we have come into contact with etc...but I think we should ALL take the time to walk a mile in another man/woman's shoes and try to always see things from another perspective. I do think this is a healthy discussion to have and I am thankful to Cocoon for saying what she is thinking so that we can all talk about it. That is how stereotypes and discrimination gets broken down, not by forcing people to keep their thoughts to themselves so they never get the benefit of seeing things from another's perspective.

[Lou]

Oh, I'm not angry I'll be honest and say that I was miffed when I first read the post, but I completely understand that we all need a good vent once and awhile, and I know that Cocoon never intentionally meant to offend anyone. And just like she is entitled to her own opinion on the matter, I, too, am entitled to give my own opinions from my point of view. We all walk in different shoes and I think it's important to share our own personal stories to gain different perspectives.

[mimi]

I fully support Cocoon's right to express her opinion and of course she is entitled to it. I am just surprised she chose this forum to express her views. Many members of this forum are single Mom's, were single Mom's and unfortunately will be single Mom's Lets us as women support each other as I have discovered this is done extensively through this forum. This forum is a haven for many of us to speak with others who understand are work and delimmas best. Women unfortunately can be a woman's worst enemy. Every single Mom's story is different and if they could change their circumstance most would do so in a heart beat. That said I was a single mom for 11 years. Wether your relationship with your ex is great and he is still a great parent or your ex is an intermittant parent, being a single parent can be a very lonely and difficult experience. Lets not profile or judge each other.

[mamaof4]

when I was a single mom- I did offer that information to daycare providers really upfront, not because I wanted anything, more or less information.

[Home away]

I also tell the families that I interview for my dayhome that I am a single mom. Not because I want them to feel sorry for me or give me more money, but because I want them to understand that I am the only adult living in the house ( this tends to reassure some families who worry about abuse from a male spouse or relative).As well, I have a second job to go to after I close my Dayhome so I let them know that they have to pick their kids up on time! There is no other adult to watch over the kids when I leave for work!

[Peacefulbird]

I also tell the families that I interview for my dayhome that I am a single mom. Not because I want them to feel sorry for me or give me more money, but because I want them to understand that I am the only adult living in the house ( this tends to reassure some families who worry about abuse from a male spouse or relative).As well, I have a second job to go to after I close my Dayhome so I let them know that they have to pick their kids up on time! There is no other adult to watch over the kids when I leave for work!

Wow! This is opposite to what a best friend of mine does. She is a single mother but she hardly uses this label. She feels that giving this kind of information is a very vulnerable subject especially when she is living alone with her own children and having estrangers visiting her house.

During interviews she avoids the question or explanation. She doesn't use iy as a pity she explains her clients that her childrens father has long work hours and also travels and no more explanation given. Also, she is clear to families that her daily commitment as mother with her own children's in her home or extracurricular activities do not allow her to spend any extra time in her daycare.

She has three children and she works three jobs, hardly time for herself but she is a woman that many of us admire she does it all. Never asked for help or felt sorry for her situation she is happy and strong. She told me once that her children look up to her and she is in the role of showing them that lives can not be shaped or lived for or by a "label" she is just a human as everyone else and she is a parent, never took advantage in fact she likes to help and support others.

She has never thaught her children to feel disadvantaged in any way, she focuses in reading and guiding her children to become strong and very well grounded adults.

[Home away]

I dont feel that being a single mom is something to hide or be ashamed about. Nor do I consider it a "label" any more than being a " woman" is a label. I am honest and upfront about my situation . Many of the families that I interview ask about what adults are living in my house, because it is a safely issue for children. Some families have chosen to go with my day home BECAUSE there isn't a male living in the home (and I fully applaud and understand that decision as my sisters were raped by a male relative when they were 10 yrs old). As for safety, I have an alarm system and a really big dog!

[garrry]

I'm a single mother and I live normally. The youngest son is 4,5 years old, the older is 21, he is a college student and now lives apart. I work as a teacher at the university and I earn well. When my youngest son turned 2 years old, I took work at home, I was working at essay writing service. I put money aside for repairs in our flat, plus I subletting a one-room apartment and get paid for it. I have both parents, mom and dad, they help me a lot, now they are sitting with the baby while I'm at work. Everything is completely normal in my life, I even have a car, I'm not complaining about anything. I just think that you need to take everything in your hands and achieve your goals!