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Thread: Sharing

  1. #1
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    Sharing

    I'm struggling a little bit with teaching how to share.

    I have four kids - 13 months, 16 months, 23 months and 2.5 years. They're all grabby and take things from one another. Sometimes they fight over one toy or another. Some of the kids don't care if another take a toy our of their hand and walks away, but some get upset.

    I'm not really sure what to do. I often say "No, so and so had that toy first" and then I give it back. Then I say to the one who originally had the toy "We should share our toys, would you like to give so and so a turn?"

    I often explain that toys are for sharing and we should make sure we're taking turns and being fair.

    But, when is it OK to allow a child to play with a toy until they're done with it? Is it OK to say, "so and so had it first, please give it back?"

    What do we do with grabby-grabby children?

    How do you teach sharing?

  2. #2
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    Sharing? what is this "sharing" you speak of?? Cause I certainley dont see any of it at my house!
    Would love to hear some miraculous ideas!!
    Sure I can tell them over and over and over again, but 5 minutes later its a new battle for a new toy. Makes our free play time a free-fight time!

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  4. #3
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    I do not allow children to grab toys from another child even if that child doesn't protest...then they think it is okay to do it. I make them wait until the first child is done with it and tell them the can have a turn after...often they forget about it after anyway...they only want it because someone else has it. I also teach them to ask nicely for a turn. Also,I make the child who stole the toy give it back, rather than doing it myself. With repetition they learn.

  5. #4
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    Does anyone else sometimes turn the other way and pretend not to see the non-sharing starting... just cause you're curious who would win the battle? LOL

    I admit that I let the kids work it out for the most part. Problem solving skills should start at a young age. I've given up on teaching them how to share, they'll either get it or they won't. However! I teach them to be respectful and helpful and make other people feel happy and I think all of that translates to sharing eventually.

    Who am I to say how long johnny gets the toy. I can't sit there with a stop watch and time how long that block was in little suzy's hand and then pass it to the next kid. If someone is being agressive or mean or just taking all the toys cause their "his" I move him to another area and we play nicely together there.

  6. #5
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    I try not to use the word 'no' but sometimes it's necessary. That sounds a lot like my day too, give that back to so and so please, they had it first. Oh thank heavens for outside running and playing days becasue it's the inside days that make me insane and you've hit on one big reason.

  7. #6
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    I have told the kids that all the toys belong to me and that I am sharing the toys with them. It put the sharing thing into perspective for them as they realized not one of them could claim ownership of a toy. They even remind each other when they want a turn with the toys that the toy belongs to me and most often the other child will share. This has cut my sharing altercations down by about 80% Of course with much younger ones, this message will take longer to sink in.

  8. #7
    Euphoric ! Inspired by Reggio's Avatar
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    One of the first things they teach us when I went to school was if you are working with infants and toddlers and designing a learning environment ~ do your best to have 'multiples' of toys you know are going to be popular so you can 'redirect' children to another similar or exact option cause infants and toddlers do not SHARE it is not a developmentally available concept for them ... they have no concept of time and are egocentric to having their own needs met .... so while some children might master this 'earlier' do to practice and personality and learning style ~ most infants and toddlers find this concept of 'sharing' very challenging!

    Second off my suggest is to not use the phrase 'sharing' with young children at all .... they are too literal in thinking and when you tell them they have to 'share' something they think it is permanent and they might never get it back .... so for example if I share my bag of chips with you I am never getting them back at least not in the form they were, if I share my apple with you, share my blocks with you you are getting to KEEP some of them This is the imagery that comes to mind for most children when they hear the word 'share' ... I have to give it to Johnny and he is never giving it back and since they have little concept of time that is their reality it feels like NEVER to them .... which is why they tend to 'freak out' having to share things until they get past that 2 age group and start to grasp time concepts better and a better capability of 'reasoning'

    Plus there are things we just cannot 'share' because there is only one of them so what we are actually doing is 'taking turns' with things like that but yet we assign that same 'term' to it of sharing ~ which further confuses budding language of young toddlers and you have them coming up to a child playing with the one and only Buzz Lightyear figure and demanding that they 'share' that with me you need to 'share' that with me Ms Teacher Johnny is not sharing the toys ... ummm no dude you need to wait your TURN

    I choose to focus on the term TURN because this is the most accurate definition of our expectation here .... so if it is something that there is only ONE thing of than 'its Johnny's TURN with that and when he is done he will come find you for your TURN' ..... if it something like blocks that there are LOTS of than I would say 'there are room for TWO friends to have a TURN with the blocks' .... with some things I will actually use a visual 'timer' for determining the length of turns like a egg timer that beeps or the microwave and than have them choose someone else to be next.

    I will also play games that reinforce 'turn taking' of things .... so when we do circle time each and every day they get a 'turn' with a something and than have to give it back to me at the end of their turn and so forth.

    You can set up 'activity' tables that promote turn taking ~ so the play doh table has room for two children and you set up two of everything EXCEPT a rolling pin or something so they have to negotiate taking turns with that to practice and build the skills.

    It is definitely a constant and consistent part of the curriculum that is for sure ... even with all the focus and opportunity to work on the concept in my program I have a set of 6 year old and 4 year old siblings in care who have still not mastered the concepts of sharing verses turn taking ~ they bicker all day long wanting what the other has ~ drives me nuts!
    Children construct their own intelligence. The adult must provide activities and context, but most of all must be able to listen. Children need proof that adults believe in them. Their three great desires are to be listened to, to understand, and to demonstrate that they are exactly what we expect."
    Loris Malaguzzi

  9. #8
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    Mimi, that's my line too - these are my toys and I share with everyone. But my two 1 year old children in care right now are using the word MINE and I talked a lot to both sets of parents last week about helping them learn to share at home. The parents are working on it too and I think that's the best way to break any child of a habit, at daycare and at home at the same time. The little girl is already much better this week, but the boy, oh well, another story.

  10. #9
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    I agree with Momof4...the home envorinment makes a huge difference! My own two youngest children are 2 and 4 and they share everything. I mean, literally I purposely give them one bowl of grapes or one plate with sandwiches on it and they share happily because we have cultivated that in them. When one gets a new toy for his/her birthday he/she is expected to give turns to the other one as well and there is very little "mine" in our house because we do not allow that attitude to thrive here. Now with the dck's it is much more difficult because at home most kids nowadays are taught that the new toy is only for them and they do NOt need to share it. Parents teach the "mine" attitude a lot and reinforce it by buying two of everything so that siblings never have to share, God forbid. In the daycare, I just keep plugging away at it and also ask parents to try to play turn taking games with their toddlers, which helps a lot. I also lavish praise on good turn taking or sharing whenever it happens, especially if it was voluntary. My 2 year old daughter is the biggest turn taker and sharer I know and when I praise her for being a nice friend and giving things to the other kids, I see that they want to do it too Positive reinforcement is really important. At the ages of the kids desribed above I really don't think you can leave them to work it out themselves though...toddlers don't have the social skills to do that without it leading to mass chaos and fighting and someone likely getting hurt. I think we relaly have to teach them how to behave appropriately and it takes time!

  11. #10
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    I usually stand back and let them deal with it....if I see one child being the constant 'taker' I'll tell them to "find something else to play with". I also don't want to encourge hording...just because you had it first doesn't mean you can have it ALL day! If it keeps going on with one specific toy I simply remove the toy itself and NO ONE gets it for the rest of the day.

    I have had one day 6 toys on the shelf and they got the point by then...share or get nothing.
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