How does a "new parent" know more than me?

[kidlove]

Let me start by saying, I respect ALL my day care parents. I value their opinions and feel the only way to properly care for their child is to work together with them on problem solving any issues. That being said: Does anyone else ever feel like they have a parent that acts like they know more than you? Makes me want to scream. I have a "new" parent. This is her first child and the baby is 5 mo old. Baby spits up ALOT and has begun "not sleeping through the night" shortly after she started here. I am getting little comments at drop off like. She was up at 4am for a bottle (eye roll) and has been doing this alot lately, can you have her nap longer in the afternoon? When we pick her up she comes home and takes about an hour nap, then up for a bottle and bed time is soon after. Heres my response: I have her nap alot through the day, as needed. I also feed her as needed. ( about every 4 hours sometimes more) Mom says she eats at home every 3 hours. (acts surprised that she eats here that little) Aside from "stuffing " a bottle in her nouth every 3 hours, I can't do anything but feed her when she shows the signs of hunger. Today I tried to feed her every 3 hours like mom says she does....she puked all day, and cried. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!! My point is this: Why cant ALL parents understand I have done this for a LONG time! this ain't my first rodeo!!!!!!!! Although I totally respect parents points of view, I also feel like "i have been around the block a time or two" just feel like she doesnt think I know ANYTHING, and wants me just to take her every order. I suggested maybe a little cereal through the day will help? She comes to me at pick up and says "oh, i did a TON of research today, and found more food during the day won't help a child sleep better" F your research and reading, I come from good old fasion know how!!!!! BUT DONT LISTEN TO ME!!!!! I'm just the "baby-sitter".

[Momof4]

Hey, do you know Judy? Sorry, but that's one of our crosses to bear, dealing with the parents. I'm lucky that I'm old, haha! They all respect my opinions because I've been around the block several thousand times. But unfortunately every now and then we get a parent like the one you are dealing with now. I try very hard to weed those bossy ones out at the interview stage and I know I scare them away because I tell them point blank we work together or else.

[Starshine]

All of my daycare parents have been more than willing to communicate and listen to my experiences with kids and even implement some of the things I have suggested. It's always nice when a daycare parent comes to you for advice about their child--it means they trust you and value your knowledge/experience. Some parents think that because my own child is older (school-age) and wonderful (LOL!) that I must know what I'm doing! But yes, I know people in other social circles like that--first time parents who think they know everything--not fun!

[kidlove]

You know starshine, I think that is what is bothering me the most.....you hit the nail on the head! I dont feel valued, I feel like the idiot they picked to "watch" their kid and do what they say from 7:30-5:30 every day!!!!!!!!!! Thats the problem. I agree, I have had sssooooo many parents come to me and ask for advice or even listen when I talk, they dont really do either, and it pisses me off! not because I want to tell them what to do, or have them do everything I suggest, but for the simple fact of feeling valued by the parent. uuuuuugh! it just upsets me so.

[DCP_But_Momma_1st]

just shake your head yes and smile

[kidlove]

My husband reminded me last night when complaining of my "crazy" day, what I always tell him...."it is what it is!" words of wisdom. I found a bracelet in a catalog a while ago with those words engraved on it...buying it today!!!!!!

[kidlove]

Thanks for the advice dcp but mamma first: Thats exactly what you have to do with people like that. in a post reccently someone said something about "not saying TOO MUCH" to a daycare parent. Thats exactly what these parents are like. I just take their baby and listen to what they tell me in the am, and then say have a great day...and go about the day as ussual. totally hold my toung when I want to add my two cents. (most days) the trouble yesterday was, I did add my two cents and thats when she seemed a little "i know more than you" ish!!!!!!!!! what ever.
IT IS WHAT IT IS!!!!!

[Inspired by Reggio]

It is a hard balance for sure ladies ~ after all these are their babies it is hard to accept advice sometimes from others because well it means admitting that someone else might be spending more time with your baby NOW and therefore might be starting to know them better than you do

Flip the scenario here ~ is there nothing worse than going to your DR with a problem and your Dr dismissing it as 'normal' .... after all do you not know your body best and if something feels right or wrong with it? So many times in my health history I have 'accepted' the advice of the professional DR who told me I had pulled a muscle or the pain was just my 'body adjusting' after a surgery and ignored health issues in my body thinking it was just 'normal' to feel that way only to eventually end up with a GLARING health issue that could have been minimized if treated quickly and the Dr finally say 'oh wow that does not normally present that way initially'

I always try to approach things with a new children and clients BEFORE we get going and parents give me the 'routine from home' I accept it with a thank you and than explain that I will do my best to follow the child's cues based on this previous routine but that often children change their routines and patterns once they start group care ~ they often either eat more or less depending on personality ~ they will often eat more because they are doing more physically or mentally due to the group environment less because it is the one thing they have control of and they are not comfortable taking food from 'stranger' so need time to warm up , they often sleep more because they are again more physically and mentally stimulated by the larger group and so forth .... this helps me to head off any issues of at home and so forth .... so yes at home they may not have a nap on the weekends but during the week at GROUP CARE they are showing signs of still needing it

When all else fails as others have mentioned ~ you just smile and nod and avoid getting defensive because you know you are already DOING what they are requesting anyway and the behaviour is just 'normal' at this age to wake up for an extra bottle cause the child is likely preparing for a growth spurt ~ so just appease them with a 'I sure will' and go on about your business of meeting the child's needs during the day

[apples and bananas]

Do you think the baby has developed an allergy to the formula? Maybe she doesn't want to eat and mom's forcing it at home. It could explain the throwing up.

Aside from that... i think we all do things or don't do things that parents request and just don't talk about it at the door. For example... the nap! Haven't we all had parents that say 'don't let johnny sleep for more then an hour otherwise he won't sleep through the night' And when we leave him to sleep for 3 hours and the parent shows up and says... how did he sleep? Our answer is always "he had a great nap"

Sometimes we know what works best for us in our house and it can't always be the way the parents do it.

My advise is to give as little info as possible to her at pick up. And really try to start controlling the environment rather then taking orders. Sounds like she's speaking to you like you're the nanny. A common misconception.

[Mamma_Mia]

Do you think the baby has developed an allergy to the formula? Maybe she doesn't want to eat and mom's forcing it at home. It could explain the throwing up.

I was just going to ask the same thing!! My gf's son started to get a bad reaction from the formula he's had since birth at 6mos! Itw as weird but once she switched to a "low lactose & lower iron" formula he was back to his old self and stopped spitting up all day long.

GL!