Ok! I REALLY need some advice

[godsgirl]

Hey guys! Ok! I need some advice as I am REALLY starting to question my 'gifting' with kids. I have been open for only 2 months and I am at my whits end. Here are my questions....
1) I have a 4 yr old who refuses to listen. I ask him to stop something and he says ok and then 2 seconds later does it again (jumping on the couch, throwing things, running through the house, yelling, etc). I keep putting him on time out, talk to him nicely, sternly, tried a reward system and have talked to his mom numerous times but still no avail. His mom seems really on board and disciplines him the moment that I talk her and in the mornings she reminds him about what they talked about but still nothing. I have a 5 yr old with us also and she is really good but when they get together they just wind each other up and adds to all my frustrations with him. I feel like I ride him ALL the time but I have no idea what else to do. Any suggestions. Maybe turning my 'stop that, don't do this, we don't do that' to something more positive but I don't know how else to say it.

2) During naps I have a 2 yr old who sleeps on my bed and the 4 & 5 yr old on the couches in the living room. The mom asked me to limit the 5 yr old naps as she is not sleeping at night but because my house is so small she distracts the 4 yr old when she's puttering around in the kitchen. I have asked her to lay on the couch until the 4 yr old falls asleep and if she is not tired by that time then she can get up and play in the kitchen quietly. However, the 2 yr old has now started to go through all my dirty clothes, pull clothes out of the drawers, and open/shut the door constantly for the last 3 days. It has gotten to the point where I have to sit on the edge of the bed with my hand on his back to get him to stop moving. Meanwhile the 4&5 yr old aren't resting because I'm not sitting in the living room monitoring them to make sure that they aren't bothering each other. Today I got so fed up that I pulled the 2 yr old out of my room and laid him on the living room floor (with my hand on his back) so I could monitor all of them. After an hour they have ALL fell asleep (the one who didn't have to sleep went first - go figure). Yesterday nobody napped, including my 16 month because none of them would settle. Any ideas as to what to do with the 2 yr old and should I just ride this out for the next 2 weeks until the others go to school? Seriously, my husband came home yesterday and I just started bawling because they were so out of control.

3) Once school starts 3 of my kids will be going to school () and I will only have a 2 yr old FT and a PT 10 month old and then the 3 kids before and after school (plus my 1 yr old). Please tell me it gets better when they start school. Any suggestions on how to keep the chaos to a minimum especially when they arrive after school?

Thank God it's Friday! I have a babysitter so my husband and I can go out on a date
Sorry this is so long. Thank you so much for your help!

[DCP_But_Momma_1st]

1) I haven't had one who doesn't listen at all, especially at that age. I would "want" to terminate. No real advice.

2) I would put the two year old in a playpen with the 4 year old and put the 5 year old on your bed with a movie on.

3) have snacks ready to go for when school is over. Also either outside time after snacks or something to keep them busy.

It gets easier the longer you do it I promise you

[treeholm]

Hi there,
I'm only starting in September, so I can't give you any advice really, but I did want to send a hug. I'm sure this is making you crazy.
As the grandmother of a 3.5 year old, and a Mom who raised three children (including two very busy boys) I do think that the secret with the 4-year old is to find something that motivates him. Rewards only work when the child feels that the value of the reward exceeds whatever value his current inappropriate behaviour has. I don't doubt that some of these wise and experienced women will have more tangible advice for you.
Diane

[jazmic]

Definitely get a play pen for the 2 year old. That would solve that problem. Can you organize a quiet activity that will occupy the 5 year old in one spot while the 4 year old tries to fall asleep? I don't know about the layout of your house, but a craft of some sort at a table out of sight from the couch might help.

[kidlove]

OK! first off, your 4 yr old sounds like a little case of "hyper-active" disorder. Before you judge, I am not one to make excuses for any child with a label or "coined" special behavior. However, I have a son w/ hyper-active/ADHD (diagnosis). and a boy in my care who is clearly hyper-active. LOTS of kids fall under these categories (especially boys) There is nothing "wrong" with them, they just have a higher level of energy, and a lower level of control. IF this little guy is "hyper-active" you can correct his behavior and he will turn and do the same thing the very next minute. He cant help it!!!! doesnt mean you let him get away with it, BUT you have to understand he cant ALWAYS help the choices he makes. SOOOOO, rather than alot of negative correction, just take lots of deep breathes and have lots of "one-on-one" talks with him regarding what he chose to do and why its not ok. It will sink in ...eventually. Children like this are also VERY impulsive, they will respond to people and in situations in a "do first, think last" way. Takes a ton more re-direction and patience. The way I felt after realizing my son was "labeled" was "releived" I had questioned if I was a bad parent, not doing things right? not disciplining enough? disciplining too much? I learned, I WAS making mistakes as a parent, but my mistakes were just like any others, My mistakes were not to blame for his behavior! thats just the boy he is. It REALLY helped me to cope better tho for some reason, once you know what the problem is, it's easier to deal with. IMO. (this is not to say: this child may be getting away with too much at home) Just be careful if it is hyperactive or ADHD...unfortunately what also comes with it is "lower self esteem" the child really beats up on themselves, partly because they feel like they never do anything right. (getting in trouble so much) and partly because they are REALLY good manipulators. not sure if that helps your little one or not?????

[apples and bananas]

Yes, play pen for the 2 year old. If he's getting out of bed he's not ready for a big boy bed yet. Then again, if he's 2, he may be able to climb out of the playpen. So, if that's the case, invest in a cot and put him where you can see him. None of the daycare kids sleep on my beds! I've known people that have had daycare kids bring lice into the house... the thought of that possibly being where I sleep or my kids sleep is too close for comfort for me.

This is the reason I don't like to take 5 year olds. No quiet time. So, yes, this will get easier when they go to school. Grin and bear. Set them up all comfy in front of a movie for a couple of weeks until schools back. I don' tknow if you'll win that one.

[Lou]

2 yrs old- Play pen! Kids rest in play pens here until they are 3, then move to cots.

4 yrs - a written warning to the parents that if behaviour does not improve by next Wednesday, a termination notice will be issued. I know that seems harsh but at 4 yrs old he is old enough to listen and follow direction, and it isn't worth the stress! If you are looking for more positive approaces to guidance some "lingo" I use are: "Feet on the floor" "Couches are for sitting on" "Walking feet please!" "Gentle hands" "Quiet voice please- can you show me what a quiet voice sounds like?" "Toys are for playing with, not throwing" "You are showing me that these toys need to be put away because you are throwing them, instead of playing with them like a big boy"

5yrs- Either remove her entirely from the room and put on a movie, OR tell Mom that you use the Day Nurseries Act guidelines which regulates that children in care need to rest for 1 hour before they are permitted to get up. If she falls asleep, it means she's tired and needs rest. Also remind Mom that this is your lunch hour as well to recharge your batteries, clean and prepare for the afternoon.

[kidlove]

after all that, i continue to read your post and realize: it really could also just be a case of being "tested" ALL kids especially the STINKERS! will test you to see how far they can push. DON'T let them push AT ALL. put your foot down fast, dont be sweet because they are new, or you think they might not be old enough to fully understand, all kids by the age of 2 are smart enough to take direct orders and understand right from wrong. they jump on your couch, you tell them to sit, "we don't jump on miss ______'s furniture"...they do it again, you grab them quickly and remove them from the couch, get down to their level and say clearly, "I asked you not to jump on my couch, you can't listen so sit on the floor please". Do it as much as you have to until it sinks in...YOU ARE THE BOSS, NOT THEM!!!! I do this, I am firm on the kids, i have solid rules and they love me anyway...they just know when "I mean business!"

[kidlove]

ok just finished the rest....ha ha , can you tell where my son gets his hyperactivity from, I can only focus on one thing at a time. after reading the rest I have come to the BIG issue......you dont seem to have full control yet!!!!!! you need to take it back from these kids. dont mean to smite you, you are doing a great job, but in this job if you are not "tough" you have chaos. alot of it seems to be created by the size of your home and your choices, of sleep arangements and other stuff. You NEED a crib for the little one, this child is obviously not sensing your authority plus (the child is 2) this kid needs to be places in a crib and told to "go to sleep" if the child moves around, gets up, or tries to climb out, you need to be "on gaurd" catch them in the act, and correct it quick and firm. "this is not ok...go to sleep". use your mad face if you have to until these kids know you mean business. Children will push if they know there is room! and they know how you feel, if you are upset, some kids will push harder. dont let them run you girl!!!!! this a tough world, daycare. it will chew you up and spit you out. (sarcasm) good luck keep things posted!!!!!

[Momof4]

1)Yes, but when you discipline do you use an angry voice and angry face? Because that's one of my pet peeves. How can children know when you really mean it if you ask scold them but use a nicey-nice voice. I see so many parents doing that and it isn't going to work. Also mention this to the parents.

2) I don't let anybody dictate my rules, including naptime. They are all required to lay down QUIETLY for my entire naptime whether they are sleeping or not.

3) I will not have school aged children in my daycare because to me school = attitude.

Those are my 3 cents!